Musings of Me Mind...: on fathers....

Current mood: grateful

Fathers Day: My first thought today... Father? what does this word mean... in this world... in this culture... to you? to me? Who exactly gets to wear this title?? I have never called my father "father"... He has always been Dad..or even more affectionately "daddy"... He has raised 6 children... sacrificed the foolish dreams of his youth for something real. A chance to love unselfishly... the thankless job of raising children... My dad is an amazing man... those days when he is grouchy and stubborn and I'm tempted to yell back and forth with him..I try and remind myself of how much he has been through.. and how I wouldn't be half the person I am if it weren't for him (And I mean WAY MORE than just biologically)... My dad MOST definetly deserves his title.... I Love you Dad!!

But what about the others... The sperm donors of the world? I woke up this morning with a girl in my mind... not a girl I knew very well, I hadn't really seen her since I was probably 14 or maybe even younger... My cousin "C". She was one of five children...born to my uncle (who was one of five) and his wife... I don't know much of their story except the little I heard over the years from my family... What I do know is this: My uncle one day decided that he didn't want a family ( the 5 kids ranged between 13 and 3) and up and left his home never to look back... Their mother did the best she could trying to raise them... but in spite of her best efforts she was bipolar... and one day in a state of depression a few years ago she took her own life... My family tracked down my uncle who is living the single carefree bachelors life and told him what had happened and that his children (now between 20 and 10) need a parent... Did he take his second chance to be a father...nope... He responded that he "has no family" and went about his merry way... The oldest daughter "C" moved back to her mothers house and spent the past 5 years taking care of her 3 sisters and brother... Now a month or so ago my family got word that my cousin "C" had been picked up by the police, and was showing extreme signs of paranoia, delusions, and sounded pretty much in a state of extreme mental deterioration... Once again, her father was informed... Did he care this time??? His daughter was out wandering the streets, in a state of mental breakdown... he did nothing.. his third chance to prove he deserved the beautiful children god gave him... Two days ago I found out my cousin died... I'm not sure of the details... but one thing I am sure of is that her death could have been prevented... this poor girl lived a mere 26 years.. and in that 26 years went through heartaches that I can't even imagine... Abandoned not once....not twice...but three times by her father... and watching her mother struggle against her inner demons, while trying to raise 5 children... only to suffer a breakdown, and alone, end up dead... WHY?? Would it have made a difference if her father had stayed?? Would it have made a difference if he had come to her aid when he had the opportunities to??? I don't know... But that man donated sperm...donated half of his genetics to not one...but FIVE human beings that he abandoned.. with no conscience...not an ounce of concern for their well being... That man does NOT deserve the title of father..

Another example.... the "father" to the two beautiful little girls that my little brother is raising right now... A man who cheated on then ran off on their mother for a 17 year old.. left his 3 and 5 year old beautiful blonde angelic daughters.. hasn't seen them since God knows when...and just recently informed their mother that he no longer intends to pay child support... (I say "good" to that, I'd tell the bastard to keep his money.. I'm not taking his money to help him ease his guilt.. Money is NOT what a child needs... Money does NOT make you a father...) My little brother takes care of those girls like they are his own flesh and blood... I don't think he could love them anymore than he does, and I don't think he could be a better father than he is... It AMAZES me everytime I see it.. He gave up his "youth" at 21 years old to get a house with a woman several years his senior, and raise her two children with her... THAT IS LOVE! THAT IS A FATHER! My little brother Joe is my hero. I have never seen a more devoted father than the one I watched goofing around with his two little blonde daughters today... Those girls are yet another example of proof of Gods existance to me... God gave those angels to their parents... their father walked away.. So God gave them Joe, cause he knew he was a real man.

Of all the fathers I know that biologically donated sperm to their children... I know very few who deserve the honor of being called daddy... I guess what it comes down to is this... Anyone with a penis can be a "father"... but it takes a real man to be a Daddy. So... To all the fathers out there who did nothing more than spred some seed around... "Good riddance" and you will have to face yourself on your own personal day of reckoning... and you will know that you had the most beautiful gift possible handed to you, and you threw it away... To those Daddys out there who love nothing better than to chase their toddler around the yard...tickling...giggling... teaching them to ride bikes... building sand castles.. or even just being there at night to tuck him in and with a kiss remind him that you love him... Though you need no pat on the back...fatherhood is its own reward: YOU GUYS ROCK! HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

P.S. To all the single mothers...playing the dual role of Mommy/Daddy: Happy Fathers day too!!! Much love to you!

P.P.S. To all the single fathers... Also playing the dual role... You are the epitomy of an amazing human being... Happy Fathers Day!