how do you spell A-S-S-H-O-L-E?

Current mood: disappointed

Bush and Dick were in Connecticut today! (or maybe it was just bush)... i so wish i had known ahead of time... My little brother andrews got some tubs of night crawlers in the fridge.. I SO WOULD HAVE loved to have dropped by and tossed some of those big ole worms at 'em..... ;) not that it woulda made a whole heck of a lot of difference to anything but seems like as good a reason as any to get arrested :) LOL! My mom said she woulda gone too (armed to the teeth with TOMATOS!) lol :) ah well.. there's always next time! on that note i'm gonna stop procrastinating and get some work done, tah tah!
Kalee

THIS IS WHY I PARENT AU NATURALE!

Current mood: exhausted


So today my brought my Lennon to the beach for the first time. He was in AWE of the atlantic... loved the sand, and i think he might be part doggy cause he was diggin like crazy!! He even seemed to enjoy his first taste of sand (which he managed to sneak in when i turned my head for a mere SECOND n a half)!! now.. some would say that I am a pretty natural minded person, and momma... my sister in law likes to tease me that everything has to be "100 % organic all natural yaks wool based" in order for me to use it... breastfeeding.. all natural bath products... cosleeping.. no vaccines.. etc... you name... i do it. BUT i do not do any of this stuff because i am trying to be a nonconformist conformist.. or because i am hellbent on only going the natural route.. i simply like to be informed.. i like to know all angles before i make parenting choices.. and 99 % of the time my information leads me to make the natural choice.... today i went against my better judgement when i brought Lennon to the beach, and SURE ENOUGH....
Now I am not a fan of all the chemicals that are laced through our body products... i will not use anything with sodium laurel sulfides.. aluminum... harsh alcohols.. etc... from toothpaste, to lotions.... i READ LABELS, and I KNOW WHAT I am looking for and what I refuse to use.... Since the day he left the hospital my son has not had a non natural product used on his skin... head to toe, wipes, shampoo, powder etc.... and NOW I remember why... Today I went against my better judgement and used sunscreen on my son and myself... I HATE sunscreen.. years of using bath and bodyworks, pantene, colgate, etc, has made my skin HIGHLY sensitive to many many environmental factors, and i am trying to prevent this from becoming the case with my son... today i used sunscreen... my gut told me NOT TO.. to use hats, clothing, umbrellas.. and take my chances with the sun rather than lather us up in every chemical in the free world... even the "natural" variety that i bought has all sorts of nonnatural sounding things in it (which comes from the complete and total lack of standards for what health and beauty products can be labeled as natural or organic)... but I caved into conventional thinking... I took that creamy white paste containing god knows what and smeared it all over my baby's milky white skin, top to bottom.. and then on my own arms and legs and nose....Istarted thinking maybe i was being too paranoid... or maybe i needed to lighten up with the all natural nutty crunchy thing.... but sure enough: within an hour of slathering sunscreen on Lennon and myself, he was covered, belly, knees and arms, elbows and legs with horrible red hives! poor baby looked like he wanted to jump out of his skin. I have spent the entire afternoon and evening up until a few hours ago, washing and rewashing him, myself, our blankets, sheets, clothes, etc to get every trace of that nasty nasty stuff off of us, and putting cool clothes on him to ease his discomfort. The poor boy is still covered with hives, as is the back of my arms and legs... I thank god that the allergic reaction wasn't worse and for the valuable lesson of the day: ALWAYS trust your gut. and, that most man made chemicals are as bad as i had previously thought (maybe worse)! on that note i am gonna go cuddle up with my 100% bamboo onesied Lennon in our nice clean organic (100% pure yakswool) sheeted bed and catch some Z's. BE well all!
Kalee
Currently reading:
Natural Baby and Childcare: Practical Medical Advice and Holistic Wisdom for Raising Healthy Children
By Lauren Feder
Release date: 17 March, 2006

It may as well be able to walk your fucking dog!

Current mood: excited


SO... I got part of my tax return back and finally got myself my laptop i've been wanting since forever. My buusiness will be back up and fully functional VERY SOON now and i am psyched about that! Has anyone else bought a new computer lately??? So far i find Windows Vista slightly annoying (have you seen the mac commercial with the secretservice agent looking guy that keeps telling "PC" what is happening and asking permission to allow?? ITS TRUE! and if you haven't seen it, basically Vista has little warnings that pop up for EVERYTHING asking if you want to give permission for programs to open, etc... a bit of a nuisance...) ANYWAY. One thing i need to babble joyously about... anyone else used this new program ONE NOTE that comes with Microsoft office?? I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT THIS PROGRAM! It is basically a virtual catch all.. sorta like a scratch pad where you can freehand, create diagrams, type, paste photos, screen shots, highlight, tag words for later indexing, add audio or video.. etc... You can drag and drop things anywhere you want and it automatically saves. You can email right from the program and it automatically converts the page into html so that the other person doesn't even need to have the program. You can upload to your blog by simply clicking "blog this" on the dropdown menu. you can highlight test and tell it to send to outlook and it will automatically place it on your calender or task list in outlook and it will remain connected so that if you edit it later both onenote and outlook will always have the same information.You can create unlimited notebooks with unlimited pages in unlimited files, easily reorganize your "pages" in your "notebooks" and you can go back and search for a word or phrase and it will find it in TEXT, handwritin and (GET THIS SHIT!) It'll even recognize the word in a PHOTO!! Sorry i sound like an infomercial or something but thiis program has got me SO freaking excited. It is going to make my life so much easier! It comes with a mobile version too and so i'm finally pulling out the Pocket PC i paid 300.00 for 4 years ago that i never used. I can't wait to get this shit organized and figure it all out so that i can use it for my business, i'll actually be able to have a separate page for every customer where i can paste pictures of examples, swatches, jot notes, copy and paste payment receipts and emails from the customer and have everything all in one place and then i can link each one to outlook so i'll automatically be able to tell what is coming up to the deadline i'm supposed to have stuff sent out by.. and ... and ... and :) I'm going nuts with happiness here if ya'll couldn't tell! Seriously, if you don't have this program, make sure you check it out... If you can't buy it... i'm not gonna say that you should rip a copy of someone elses but..... ;) lol ANYWHO... I'm gonna go tool around more with this program and i wanna head off to bed soon. BE GOOD EVERYONE! :)
Kalee ( yes i know i am WAY too excited about this damn program... but its the most futuristic program i've ever seen.. its like straight from startrek or somethin!)

P.S. Captains log stardate 2 0 0 6: today i..... lol ;)

The Terribly, Tragically Sad Man

Current mood: happy



I read this story in a readers digest when i was 12 years old... and then reread it again a few months ago when i stumbled on the magazine which i saved in a box of junk..... TO ANYBODY THAT THINKS THAT I SHOULD BE UNHAPPY JUST BECAUSE THE DREAMS OF MY CHILDHOOD AND TEEN YEARS (childish dreams that they where) ARE GONE.... PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THEY HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY A NEW DREAM... One with much more meaning and the only LIFE meant for me (and my beautiful son who is NOT A MISTAKE A BURDEN OR A REGRET, BUT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND who has given me my reason for being!).... Please read this story all... i am pretty sure that everyone on this earth could stand to learn something from it.. :)



The Terribly, Tragic Sad Man

-Loren Seibold-



Once there was a boy who lived in a big house on a hill. He loved dogs and horses, sports cars and music. He climbed trees and went swimming, played football and admired pretty girls. Except for having to pick up after himself, he had a nice life.



One day the boy said to God, "I've been thinking, and I know what I want when I become a man." ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />



"What?" asked God.



"I want to live in a big house with a porch across the front and two Saint Bernards and a garden out back. I want to marry a woman who is tall and very beautiful and kind, who has long, black hair and blue eyes, and who plays the guitar and sings in a clear, high voice.



"I want three strong sons to play football with. When they grow up, one will be a great scientist, one will be a senator and the youngest will quarterback for the 49ers.



"I want to be an adventurer who sails vast oceans and climbs tall mountains and rescues people. And I want to drive a red Ferrari and never have to pick up after myself."



"That sounds like a nice dream," said God. "I want you to be happy."



One day, playing football, the boy hurt his knee. After that he couldn't climb tall mountains or even tall trees, much less sail vast oceans. So he studied marketing and started a medical-supplies business.



He married a girl who was very beautiful and very kind and who had long, black hair. But she was short, not tall, and had brown eyes, not blue. She couldn't play the guitar, or even sing. But she prepared wonderful meals seasoned with rare Chinese spices and painted magnificent pictures of birds.



Because of his business, he lived in a city near the top of a tall apartment building that overlooked the blue ocean and the city's twinkling lights. He didn't have room for two Saint Bernards, but he had a fluffy cat.



He had three daughters, all very beautiful. The youngest, who was in a wheelchair, was the loveliest. The three daughters loved their father very much. They didn't play football with him, but sometimes they went to the park and tossed a Fris-bee ---except for the youngest, who sat under a tree strumming her guitar and singing lovely, haunting songs.



He made enough money to live comfortably, but he didn't drive a red Ferrari. Sometimes he had to pick up things and put them away -even things that didn't belong to him. After all, he had three daughters.



Then one morning the man awoke and remembered his dream. "I am very sad," he said to his best friend.



"Why?" asked his friend.



"Because I once dreamed of marrying a tall women with black hair and blue eyes who would play the guitar and sing. My wife can't play the guitar or sing.



She has brown eyes, and she's not tall."



"Your wife is beautiful and very kind," said his friend. "She creates splendid pictures and delectable food."



But the man wasn't listening.



"I am very sad," the man confessed to his wife one day.



"Why?" asked his wife.



"Because I once dreamed of living in a big house with a porch, and of having two Saint Bernards and a garden out back. Instead, I live in an apartment on the 47th floor."



"Our apartment is comfortable, and we can see the ocean from our couch," replied his wife. "We have love laughter and paintings of birds and a fluffy cat -not to mention three beautiful children."



But the man wasn't listening.



"I am very sad," the man said to his therapist.



"Why?" asked the therapist.



"Because I once dreamed that I would grow up to be a great adventurer. Instead, I'm a bald businessman with a bad knee."



"The medical supplies you sell have saved many lives," said the therapist.



But the man wasn't listening. So his therapist charged him $110 and sent him home.



"I am very sad," the man said to his accountant.



"Why?" asked the accountant.



"Because I once dreamed of driving a red Ferrari and of never having to pick up after myself. Instead, I take public transportation, and sometimes I still have to clean up."



"You wear good suits. You eat at fine restaurants, and you've toured ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Europe," said his accountant.



But the man wasn't listening. His accountant charged him $100 anyway. He was dreaming of a red Ferrari himself.



"I am very sad," the man said to his minister.



"Why?" asked the minister.



"Because I once dreamed of having three sons; a great scientist, a politician and a quarterback. Instead, I have three daughters, and the youngest can't even walk."



"But your daughters are beautiful and intelligent," said the minister. "They love you very much, and they've all done well. One is a nurse, another is an artist and the youngest teaches music to children."



But the man wasn't listening. He was so sad that he became very sick. He lay in a white hospital room surrounded by nurses in white uniforms. Tubes and wires connected his body to blinking machines that he had once sold to the hospital.



He was terribly, tragically sad. His family, friends and minister gathered around his bed. They were all deeply sad too. Only his therapist and his accountant remained happy.



Then one night, when everyone except the nurses had gone home, the man said to God, "Remember when I was a boy and I told you all the things I wanted?"



"It was a lovely dream," said God.



"Why didn't you give me those things?" asked the man.



"I could have," said God. "But I wanted to surprise you with things you didn't dream of.



"I suppose you've noticed what I've given you: a kind, beautiful wife; a good business; a nice place to live; three lovely daughters -one of the best packages I've put together-"



"Yes," interrupted the man. "But I thought you were going to give me what I really wanted."



"And I thought you were going to give me what I really wanted," said God.



"What did you want?" asked the man. It had never occurred to him that God was in want of anything.



"I wanted to make you happy with what I'd given you," said God.



The man lay in the dark all night, thinking. Finally he decided to dream a new dream, one he wished he'd dreamed years before. He decided to dream that what he wanted most were the very things he already had.



And the man got well and lived happily on the 47th floor, enjoying his children's beautiful voices, his wife's deep brown eyes and her glorious paintings of birds. And at night he gazed at the ocean and contentedly watched the lights of the city twinkling on, one by one.

" You are what you think about. All you are arises from your thoughts. With your thoughts, you make your world." The Buddha.

TOOTHES and A MESSAGE TO "YOU"!!!

Current mood: thoughtful

LENNON cut his first TOOF today!!!!! And he sat up for like 5 minutes on his own!!!! And this week he has started eating solids... YAY!! :( POO! not sure if i'm happy or sad. I was really excited but i cried too cause my little boy is growing up.... damn how'm I gonna be when he walks or graduates highschool or goes on his first date or has his first baby?!??!?!?!?!?! AGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! hehe... okay i should just shut up now before i drive myself crazy.. but ANYWAYS besides that not much news... working working working... i'm trying to get my business more organized so that i can be efficient and handle the volume of business i was getting... i actually had to stop taking orders and close my ebay shop temporarily so that i could catch my breath.. crazyness, but i'm not complaining cause the way its lookin if i can just get my shit together a bit more there is actually enough demand out there for what i am doing that i think i can actually make a decent living!!! SHit if i had known this before i had a kid i coulda been not working for some scumbag company all this time i could been doing my own thing, and without juggling motherhood and business managing it woulda been so easy!!!! Again not that i'm complaining better late than never and i would not give up motherhood for the world.... speaking of motherhood... i have had several instances in my life lately where people who have not yet had the distinct pleasure of being parents themselves have pulled stupid shit on me because i have a baby... Sometimes i wish i could snap my fingers and be able to switch perspectives with someone... i believe (though i may be wrong because i'm sure everyone thinks they are ways they are not) that i am a pretty open minded person.. i try to empathize with people.. i always am putting myself in other peoples shoes even to a fault sometimes... most of the time i am able to understand how people justify the things they say and do.. but this past couple of weeks i am i shock as to how much certain people have NO CLUE what is going on in the world outside of their own selfishness. How can someone be so stuck in their own desires their own misery... so caught up in working their life away that they have almost completely alienated the people who really matter.... there is someone who i care for very deeply.. someone who i love more than anyone could even imagine... who i am so scared for.. i don't think this person will ever read this... (probably won't be able to squeeze it into the busy busy day... ) but if they do i hope they realize that i am speaking to them when i say...

TO YOU: You wonder why i am hesitant to sppeak to you.. you think i am angry.... i am not... i am hurt that you don't put any importance on sharing this amazing experience that i am living right now... that you haven't cared to be a part of my life.... that you can't even take 1 night to be a part of my life..... and of my beautiful son's... but mostly i am scared... I am so afraid for you that you are going to work and work and work and put off everything that makes life beautiful.. everything that makes life worthwhile... the wonders of life.. parenthood... or visiting those who will not be around forever... the joys of participating in the lifes of those you claim you love.... I hope to god i am wrong and i hope that you will not realize too late.. i am so scared for you that you will wake up one day and look in the mirror and see the lines of age and realize that you are 50 years old and you have nothing that really matters.. that life has half passed you by and that your chances to experience some of lifes greatest gifts have long since passed... I hope that i am wrong... i hope that something will knock you off your feet and off of the freight train you are on... before you have missed all the most beautiful stops... i know my life is not perfect... i know i have made my mistakes.. but i wish you would join me on the scenic route... and i love you.

"Its a beautiful day don't let it get away..."

Have a good night all...
Currently listening:
Beautiful Day
By U2
Release date: 06 February, 2001

HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT VOLUME 1 & 2 (so funny!)

Current mood: amused

I READ THIS ON SOMEONE ELSES BLOG AND THE FIRST WAS TOO ENLIGHTENING NOT TO REPOST AND THE SECOND TOO HYSTERICAL NOT TO REPOST! So without further ado, here is HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT either because you want to help the other person, or just because you want to be a dick :) ENJOY!

How to Win An Arugment

How do you handle the situation where the other person continually sucks you into an argument that you never seem to be able to win?

In a typical argument, each person tries to prove themselves right and the other person wrong. Of course, we all know what happens in the end — each person only ends up more entrenched in their views, regardless of who seems to deliver the most dominant argument.

An argument cannot be won with resistance. You will only strengthen the other person's resolve. At best you will both leave in a state of stubbornness, but little communication will have actually occurred.

The way to "win" an argument is to aim for a goal other than being right. The other person will be prepared to defend against someone who is trying to prove themselves right. Trying to prove yourself right and the other person wrong is like making a frontal assault on an entrenched enemy position. You'll need overwhelming force to win, and your victory will come at great cost, if you can even pull it off. Plus you'll leave your relationship wounded in the end.

So instead of trying to be right, I've found that the best way to win an argument is to go for an entirely different goal. This has worked for me every time I've applied it, and I've used it dozens of times.

If you aren't trying to win the argument, then what is your goal? I suggest you set the goal of attempting to raise the other person's awareness while maintaining your own sense of inner peace. By this I mean that you focus on helping the other person become more aware of the full extent of their behavior and how it affects you and others, but without taking ownership of anything the other person says.

This means you keep your focus on the other person and their behavior. Whenever s/he tries to pigeonhole you into a negative role, you simply side-step their comments and then redirect their own energy back upon them. In a way it's like verbal martial arts. Never defend against any of their comments. Simply redirect the comments back to the person.

In other words, you don't attack — ever. You merely deflect the other person's attacks back to them, over and over. You become like a mirror. So the more the other person tries to attack you, the more they weaken themselves. People can't punch themselves in the face for too long.

If someone were to try to attack me in an argument, I would just say things like, "You seem to be fairly upset about this. Why do you think that is?" or "So you're saying you'd like to feel free to disregard my requests if you don't agree with them. Is that correct?" or "Is this how you'd like to continue to feel about this situation?" or "Do you feel your behavior towards me is honorable and respectful?"

Stay focused on the other person and their feelings, not your own. But don't take ownership of anything they say. Simply allow it to pass through you like a knife through water and come out the other side. And metaphorically speaking, keep asking the person about the knife they're holding and how they feel about it.

Usually the other person will start by answering all my questions with the words, "Because you…" My goal is to help guide the other person to focus on their own feelings, and I know I'm making progress when their answers begin taking the form of "Because I…" I help them to take ownership of their feelings.

Remember that if someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. In order for there to be any sting to the attack, you must accept it. Simply decline the "gift" and the other person won't be able to land a single blow no matter how hard they try. Be like air or water — if they try to attack you, they merely wear themselves out.

This takes practice, but it works extremely well. The key is to put yourself into a state of compassion and empathy and keep reminding yourself that the negativity isn't about you — it's an internal issue the other person is dealing with. So whatever the other person says, you simply reflect it back to them. This will have the effect of raising the other person's awareness. Many times people can't handle that, so they'll either blow up emotionally or give up. Either way, it helps put an end to the previous destructive relationship and paves the way for something better to emerge.

A technique I use to keep myself focused on raising the other person's awareness is that I form a mental image of that person's "higher self." I imagine the best possible form of that person — their soul if you will — standing in the room with us like an apparition. Then I put myself in a state where I feel like I'm channeling the thoughts of that higher self, and I allow the higher self to speak through me and to ask all the questions. This is amazingly effective — in fact, it works so well that I wonder if I am indeed channeling some kind of higher self. I've learned to simply trust the words that pop into my mind and speak them, even if they don't seem like the right thing to say from a logical standpoint. Invariably the questions and observations do help guide the other person to be more in tune with their own highest and best self. They begin seeing their behavior and the relationship in a whole new light, and that's what often leads to some sort of emotional breakdown. Tears are common.

There are two ways this type of conversation ends — 1) the other person can't handle facing the situation and basically runs away, or 2) the other person has some kind of emotional catharsis which makes it possible to heal the relationship. Most of the time the outcome is #2 if the relationship bond is fairly strong, and #1 if the relationship bond is weak. I find that typically this takes 2-3 hours of conversation to reach the point of #2. If you hit #1, that's OK too. Just keep using the same strategy on each encounter, and you'll eventually hit #2 — either that or you'll permanently scare the person away from trying to argue with you.

Now if you don't have this kind of time, then you may want to use a short-cut approach to simply delay the confrontation, or the relationship may be so loose that it's not worth the effort to raise the other person's awareness. In that case you can simply deflect the arguments with humor, or you can ignore them altogether.

It does take practice and patience to use this type of approach, and it hinges upon your ability to keep yourself in a high state of awareness, focusing on unconditional love and compassion for the other person. I don't think of it as having a thick skin but rather as having reflective skin or even no skin. You have to put yourself in a state where you are unattackable. This will frustrate the other person to no end, but that's the point — to let the other person burn off all their negative energy by swinging at air. And as they grow tired, their own shields will begin to collapse. But instead of attacking at that point, you empathize and connect with them and strive to reconnect them with their truest and best self.

For me this has become an ingrained way of communicating. Whenever I get attacked by someone wanting to provoke an argument, I simply see it as a cry for help. The other person is disconnected from their true self, and my role (time permitting) is to help reconnect them. I can't do that if I step into the ring with them. But I can let them swing at air and exhaust themselves until they're ready to face the parts of themselves that are causing them this pain, and then they can begin to reconnect and to heal.

If you try this approach, and you can't seem to keep yourself in a higher state of awareness without being dragged into negativity by the other person, then you've got a different situation at hand, one which cannot be solved at the same level of thinking in which this post is written. I'll write another post on how to handle that situation soon.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/08/how-to-win-an-argument/




HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT
by Dave Barry?

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

*
Drink Liquor.

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
*
Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

*
Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:
o Let me put it this way
o In terms of
o Vis-a-vis
o Per se
o As it were
o Qua
o So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

*
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
o You're begging the question.
o You're being defensive.
o Don't compare apples and oranges.
o What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

..>..>..>..>
You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.
OR
You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.
*
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-winargs.html
Currently listening:
Dear Mr. President
By P!Nk
Release date: 20 March, 2007

WTF! BREASTFEEDING IS OBSCENE!??

Current mood: angry

THIS IS ABSURD!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with this world!!

Myspace: "Breastfeeding is Offensive"

By A. L. Fox

Go to Myspace, and click on some random profiles. Chances are, you'll come across some things that could be considered offensive: Pamela Anderson clad in nothing but a thong, a girl who can't be over sixteen in a provocative pose, graphics that look like road signs showing stick figures in various positions performing sex acts, a mother feeding her baby.

Wait a minute-what did I just say? A mother feeding her baby? Actually, that's the one thing I listed that you probably won't see, because the people who are in charge of deciding what's offensive on Myspace are deleting photos of breastfeeding infants, in the name of decency.

Lisa Marie Gittings of Asheville, NC had her photos removed without any explanation. As she was nursing her eight-month-old son, her three-year-old snapped a picture. In support of the breastfeeding community, Lisa Marie posted the picture on her Myspace page. I didn't see the picture myself, because every time she reloads them, Myspace removes them, but I can tell you from my own experience in nursing, far less of the breast is exposed during breastfeeding than in some of the photos I've seen on Myspace. When a baby nurses, his head covers almost the entire breast. If you are large-busted, you might show as much skin as you would in a modest two-piece bathing suit. Not only is Lisa Marie a mother trying to feed her child in the healthiest way possible; she also offers professional breastfeeding support to new mothers, in an attempt to ensure that more babies in the US are as healthy as possible. Lisa Marie wrote to the administration at Myspace asking for an explanation of why her photos were removed, but hasn't heard back, as of this writing. She says, "I feel that by banning these images, Myspace is telling young mothers that breastfeeding is an unnatural and disgusting act, and therefore they are not promoting the health of children and families...they are violating our rights by censoring these family photos."

Myspace is used by countless teens and young adults, so the administrators may not be too concerned about a group of moms who are annoyed about their pictures being removed. It's not just a bunch of housewives who are up in arms, though. My sister, Emily, is a typical Myspace user: sixteen years old, up on all the trends in music and fashion, with a large group of Myspace friends. In her opinion, "Myspace is being stupid. You can't even see the boob when you're breastfeeding. I'd rather see that than all the naked girls you see all over Myspace. It's just a kid being fed; what's the big deal?" My own two teenage children echo that sentiment, as do all the adults I spoke to about it today.

Breastfeeding is not offensive. There is nothing remotely sexual or inappropriate about the act of a mother feeding her child. A breastfeeding mother is using her body for precisely what it was made for-breasts are made for nurturing children. It is a bonding experience and the healthiest way to nourish your child. If someone chooses to impose their own deviant thoughts on what is a very natural and family-friendly act, that person should not be in charge of deciding what is and isn't "appropriate", especially in a forum where so many images that are blatantly sexual are displayed without repercussion. This is not just an act of censorship; it is discrimination against women who choose to share photos of a special time in their lives with their children. Breastfeeding is not illegal in this country, and yet Myspace is making it their mission to penalize those who do it, and perpetuate the notion that breasts exist solely for sexual pleasure.

Lisa Marie Gittings is not the first woman to have photos of her feeding baby removed from Myspace; they have done this to several other women across the country. A petition has been started to try and convince Myspace to come to their senses and stop the double standard that allows photos of silicone-filled breasts, but not milk-filled ones.


PLEASE SUPPORT THE VIRTUAL NURSE-IN MAKE YOUR PROFILE PIC ONE THAT DEPICTS A NURSING INFANT (DOESN'T HAVE TO BE YOURS) TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR GIVING MOTHERS THE RIGHT TO FEED THEIR CHILD WHEREVER AND WHENEVER IT IS NECESSARY WITHOUT BEING BULLIED INTO HIDING IN A HOT CAR OR PUBLIC BATHROOM NOT TO MENTION THE RIGHT TO POST BEAUTIFUL PICTURES OF THEIR INFANT FEEDING IN THE MOST HEALTHY AND NATURAL WAY POSSIBLE! DAMN THE MAN!!! :)

I would like to share.... after awhile....

Current mood: loved


A close friend (who is now my sister in law thanks to my awesome matchmaking skillz lol ;)) gave me a framed copy of this poem several years ago when I was going through what (at the time) was the worst heartbreak of my life. It helped me to heal then.. and has helped with each subsequently more crushing blow that I have been dealt in the world of romance. Which came to a horrendous climax with the disaster of a relationship that gave birth to the beautiful angel who is my son.... I have the framed copy above my bed where I placed it when I moved back with my parents last year.....A few months ago right after my son was born I couldn't stop reading this poem... i read it over and over everytime it was in my line of sight...like some unseen force was complelling me to keep looking until I could see what I was missing. Then one day it happened! It suddenly occured to me that I finally understood what it meant.. and now i don't believe I will ever need it again.. because that lesson has finally been learned.. FINALLY (took a few times of getting burned ;)) Anyways though... I have NEVER heard nor seen this poem anywhere but in that frame I hold so dear to my heart.. but tonight I recieved a friend request from someone that I didn't know.. and lo and behold what do I see posted on her page but that poem... the strange thing is that this morning I was telling my mother something this very thing which I hadn't verbalized to anyone yet: that for the FIRST time in my life since I was 9 years old.. I finally feel at peace with not having a man in my life, and as odd as it is to say this because it has never been the truth before, I don't even WANT a man.. I want just me and my son.. and I want to live my life without compromising all that I value and hold dear... and I want to make sure that the only male examples in my sons life are healthy ones... and though I still haven't lost my baby weight, and somedays I don't even get to brush my hair much less take a shower.. I am okay, and I KNOW now how strong I really am because now I need to be for the sake of my child.... and I don't crave drama anymore, nor anyone that i need to fix.... And I LOVE my son, real true unselfish LOVE, and I LOVE ME! and even with my flab and unwashed hair, I have never ever felt more beautiful.. Motherhood truely does teach the most invaluable and amazing things. And so I am posting here for all of my friends (myspace and IRL) the poem that brought me to so many realizations at so many pivitol points in my life. I hope it will be as wonderful of a gift to one of you as it was to me all those years ago (thanks Hollywood :)) BE WELL MY FRIENDS


After a While

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child

and you learn to build all your roads
on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring
you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye you learn.

and with every sunset..comes the dawn...

- 1971 Veronica A.Shoffstall
Currently listening:
Dear Mr. President
By P!Nk
Release date: 20 March, 2007

NuTtY cRuNcHy :)

I've been browsing around on myspace looking at profiles of other breastfeeding, cloth diapering, nutty crunchy moms like myself.... (so nice to know that I'm not the only one who refuses to do what I don't believe in just because "everyone else is doing it". I thought we woulda learned better than that at 5 years old: ie if everybody else was jumping of a bridge...) Anyways i've read some really inspiring things, and run across some folks who see really cool... and in the course I made a new friend and I read this article on her blog. I thought it was a really good observation on parenting and so I'm reposting! :) Happy easter all!

THE NATION
May 23, 2005

Atrocious Advice from "Supernanny"

By Alfie Kohn

[This is a slightly expanded version of the published article, which was titled "Supernanny State."]

A despot welcomes a riot. Disorder provides an excuse to rescind liberties in order to restore calm. There are only two choices, after all: chaos and control. Even the creators of Get Smart understood that.

And so, too, do the creators of Supernanny and Nanny 911. Each week they poke their cameras into a dysfunctional suburban home where the children are bouncing off the walls and the parents are ready to climb them. There's whining, there's yelling, there's hitting . . . and the kids are just as bad. But wait. Look up there: It's a bird. It's a plain-dressed, no-nonsense British nanny, poised to swoop in with a prescription for old-fashioned control. Soon the clueless American parents will be comfortably back in charge, the children will be calm and compliant, and everyone will be sodden with gratitude. Cue the syrupy music, the slow-mo hugs, the peek at next week's even more hopeless family.

These programs elevate viewer manipulation to an art form. For starters, the selection of unusually obnoxious children invites us to enjoy a shiver of self-congratulation: At least my kids -- and my parenting skills -- aren't that bad! More to the point, these anarchic families set us up to root for totalitarian solutions. Anything to stop the rioting.

We're encouraged to pretend that living with a camera crew doesn't influence how parents and children interact, and to disregard what it says about these people that they allowed their humiliation to be televised. We're asked to believe that families can be utterly transformed in a few days and to assume that the final redemptive images reveal the exceptional skills of the nanny -- rather than of the program's editing staff. By now, a fair number of TV dramas, and even some sitcoms, refrain from serving up contrived happy endings. Sometimes the patient dies, the perp outwits the prosecutor, the jerk is unreformed. Yet here, in the realm of nonfiction programming, a tidy solution must be found before sign-off. Perhaps it's reality television that's most divorced from reality.

We might just laugh off the implausibility of these programs except that they're teaching millions of real parents how to raise their real kids. To that extent, it matters that they're selling snake-oil.

Consider ABC's Supernanny. (Fox's copycat Nanny 911 differs mostly in that a rotating cast of nannies shares top billing.) The show is rigidly formulaic: Jo Frost, the titular nanny and now bestselling author, arrives, observes, grimaces, states the obvious, imposes a schedule along with a set of rules and punishments. The parents stumble but then get the hang of her system. Contentment ensues.

The limits of the show, however, are less consequential than the limits of its star. Ms. Frost's approach to family crises is stunningly simple-minded; it's the narrowness of her repertoire, not merely the constraints of the medium, that lead her to ignore the important questions. She never stops to ask whether the demands of work and kids could be more gracefully reconciled if high-quality, low-cost daycare was available. She doesn't even inquire into psychological issues. Are the parents' expectations appropriate for the age of the child? Might something deeper than a lack of skills explain why they respond, or fail to respond, to their children as they do? How were they raised?

The nanny never peers below the surface, and her analysis of every family is identical. The problem is always that the parents aren't sufficiently vigorous in controlling their children. She has no reservations about power as long as only the big people have it. Kids are the enemy to be conquered. (At the beginning of Nanny 911, the stentorian narrator warns of tots "taking over the household"; the children in one episode are described as "little monsters.") Parents learn how to get them to take their naps now. Whether the kids are tired is irrelevant.

Supernanny's favorite words are "technique" and "consistency." First, a schedule is posted -- they will all eat at six o'clock because she says so – and the children are given a list of generic rules. The point is enforcement and order, not teaching and reflection. Thus, rather than helping a child to think about the effects of his aggression on others, he is simply informed that hitting is "unacceptable"; reasons and morality don't enter into it. Then he is forced to "stand in the naughty corner." Later, the nanny instructs Dad to command the child to apologize. The desired words are muttered under duress. The adults seem pleased.

For balance, kids are controlled with rewards as well as with punishments. Those who haven't been eating what (or when, or as much as) the parent wishes are slathered with praise as soon as they do so – a "Good boy!" for every mouthful. Sure enough, they fork in some more food. These children may be so desperate for acceptance that they settle for contingent reinforcement in place of the unconditional love they really need.

The little girl in one family is accustomed to having Mom lie down next to her at bedtime. Forget it, says Supernanny, and the tradition is ended without warning or explanation. When the girl screams, that only proves how manipulative she is. Later, Mom confesses, "I felt like I was almost mistreating her." "Do not give in," urges the nanny, and misgivings soon yield to "It's working; it's getting quieter" – meaning that her daughter has abandoned hope that Mom will snuggle with her.

On another episode, a boy is playing with a hose in the backyard when his mother suddenly announces, "You're done." The boy protests ("I'm cleaning!") so she turns off the water. He becomes angry and kicks over a wagon. Supernanny is incredulous: "Just because she turned the water off!" There is no comment about the autocratic, disrespectful parenting that precipitated his outburst. But then, autocratic, disrespectful parenting is her stock in trade.

Supernanny's superficiality isn't accidental; it's ideological. What these shows are peddling is behaviorism. The point isn't to raise a child; it's to reinforce or extinguish discrete behaviors – which is sufficient if you believe, along with the late B.F. Skinner and his surviving minions, that there's nothing to us other than those behaviors.

Behaviorism is as American as rewarding children with apple pie. We're a busy people, with fortunes to make and lands to conquer. We don't have time for theories or complications: Just give us techniques that work. If firing thousands of employees succeeds in boosting the company's stock price; if imposing a scripted, mind-numbing curriculum succeeds in raising students' test scores; if relying on bribes and threats succeeds in making children obey, then there's no need to ask, "But for how long does it work? And at what cost?"

In the course of researching a book about parenting, I discovered some disconcerting research on the damaging effects of techniques like the "naughty corner" (better known as time-out), which are basically forms of love withdrawal. I also found quite a bit of evidence that parents who refrain from excessive control and rely instead on warmth and reason are more likely to have children who do what they're asked – and who grow into responsible, compassionate, healthy people.

If you can bear to sit through them, the nanny programs provide a fairly reliable guide for how not to raise children. They also offer an invitation to think about the pervasiveness of pop-behaviorism and our hunger for the quick fix. "I guarantee you," Supernanny earnestly, if tautologically, exhorts one pair of parents, "every time you're consistent, [your child] gets the same message."

Granted, but what message?

Copyright © 2005 by Alfie Kohn. This article may be downloaded, reproduced, and distributed without permission as long as each copy includes this notice along with citation information (i.e., name of the periodical in which it originally appeared, date of publication, and author's name). Permission must be obtained in order to reprint this article in a published work or in order to offer it for sale in any form. Please write to the address indicated on the Contact page at www.alfiekohn.org
Currently listening:
Catch That Train!
By Dan Zanes & Friends
Release date: 16 May, 2006

Dream... and caring for your mind.. random thoughts

Current mood: indescribable


I should be in bed right now but as usual.... I am not :) been meaning to write for many moons now so i figured since i'm awake I may as well..... Motherhood.. or rather Parenthood.. What a crazyamazinghorrifyinglyscarywonderfulbeautifulterrifyingmindaltering experience... Strange that its pretty hard for me to conjure up memories of the life i left back in that other room... or thoughts that would once have been at the forefront of my mind... Some days I feel like the biggest idiotic spacecadet in the world and other days I feel like I couldn't have life more by the balls so to speak... Some days I feel so confident that I can do this and its gonna be everything I've ever wanted and other days I don't even want to attempt to crawl my outofshapelazysorry ass out of bed...
I had this dream the other day... of horrible violent things happening to my Lennon... and then his life was ripped from him... one of those dreams that could be real if it was realistic... but feels SO REAL... I actually woke thinking I was waking to another day without my HEART.... what is absolutely crazy is that I can remember that more than I can remember the things I actually lived through in that "past life" in all that I lived for the 25 years before my angel came to me.. I can remember the intensity of a pain I never had a real cause to feel more than I can remember the pain of losses in real life that i know at the time knocked the wind out of me... That pain I felt in a dream about my son was more real than all the pain I felt ALL TOGETHER in my life before him....

I remember... being doubled over with the intensity of my heart ripping from my chest... crying sobs.. stuck in my throat that would not stop... my own mother and how I wanted her to make it go away... make it all not true and somehow give me my baby back... and nothing anyone did or said could ease one drop of the suffering I was feeling... I remember the guilt that I did not or could not save him... That I was not there when I should have been... such sorrow for the life that was robbed from the most beautiful soul I have ever known... LIKE a KNIFE stabbing through my heart.. my soul... my body.. a dark cloud over EVERYTHING... And the feeling that there was nothing more to live for............... The most intense pain I have ever felt......... AND IT WAS ONLY A DREAM.

I awoke to what I thought was another day in hell.. and saw my angel on the bed next to me.... peace on his face.... and then a smile... and My whole life suddenly had worth... with just a smile..... I cried... I have cried several times over this.... so far...

I guess what I'm trying to get at is..... What noone can know until they are there... When you have a child.. Your heart is the one that beats within them... through their joy... love... and smiles, your heart feels a gladness that YOU HAVE NEVER FELT BEFORE... and at even the thought of a wound to them... of any pain, your own pain is more intense than any you've felt by your own troubles.... And the thought of life without them.... suddenly becomes the embodiment of hell on earth....

AMAZING.. and TERRIFYING ....

I can't watch half of the shit that I used to watch on TV.. People start to tell me about some fucked up thing they heard and I tell them to shut up... I spend a good portion of my life praying for God to take away the sick, bizzare, crazy images and thoughts that I allowed into me throughout my life... Side note especially to any of your younger folks reading this... Be carefull what you expose yourself to.. not that you should remain sheltered and naieve.. but beware.. what You put into your mind.. the disturbing movies, horror films.... Grotesque, bloody.. the serial killers you read about... the twisted things human beings do to one another... That sick and dark curiosity we all have in us.. to keep reading even though it disqusts us... or to keep watching though it turns your stomach... It will never leave you... You cannot erase what is being written inside of you... and you cannot become feeling again once you have become numb... and believe it or not... you may reach a point in your life where some of the horrors you've read about suddenly become all too real when you realize the impact such monsterous things would have on your own life.. and family.... please be careful.....
*sigh* anyways.. I should go to bed now.. My poor sweet son is probably lonely for his mama :) Much LOVE to all of you my friends, and thanks for humoring my thoughts enough to read them :) BE WELL!!! And go spend sometime outside for christsakes!! Its SO INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL OUT there, SPRING IS FINALLY HERE!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! :)
Kalee
Currently listening:
Into the Woods
By The Call
Release date: 25 October, 1990

ETSY.com and lennon photos

Current mood: sleepy

Not sure if this is gonna work but what the hell figured I'd try it. (if this worked there should be a bunch of little pictures of my items on etsy below this paragraph).

.. type='text/javascript' src='http://www.etsy.com/etsy_mini.js'>..>.. type='text/javascript'>new EtsyNameSpace.Mini(5061315, 'shop','thumbnail',5,5).render[[[[[[[[iframe]]]]]]]]();..>

I am selling my handcrafted creations on both ebay and etsy.com which is a bad ass website for handcrafted stuff. Seriously, if you like handmade ANYTHINGS go check this site out, you will get lost for HOURS! :) Below I am posting links to my store at each site. If ya'll get a moment go check it out! And definetly browse around on etsy. A good place to start is by clicking on "favorites"next to my name (or anyone elses name for that matter) once you get to etsy... that'll show you some of the cool things others have stumbled upon and loved..... On a different note, I took Lennon to my sister's studio tonight and we took some more pictures of him now that he is 4 MONTHS OLD (can you believe it!!!) and hopefully I'll be posting those soon enuff... Ionly have one right now, but please check out my pictures later on in the week for a bunch of new ones (hoepfully krystal will get them to me this week *hint *hint* ( not that she's gonna read this cause i can't get her to join the myspace thing...)).... ANYWAYS.. before I start to babble I'm gonna end this, plus I have lots of work to be doing.. so... PEACE OUT ALL YOU GANGSTA'S (attn addi: this is the proper usage... i.e. its not GANGSTER!)
Kalee




My EBAY STORE

MY ETSY STORE

Currently listening:
Facing Future
By Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
Release date: 01 September, 1993

hairbrush.

Current mood: touched


This was forwarded to me in my email. I almost didn't read it cause I'm not feeling too crazy about bible thumpin these days, after my brief stint a couple years ago as a thumper.... BUT i did read it and it damn near made me cry becuase I know I'm such a proud and selfish person that I never would have done this. I don't even care what a person's motivation is for doing this necessarily.. but what a rare person is it that can do something so small with so much love....when I reached the end of this I found myself wishing with all my heart that the next time I have the opportunity to extend this much love to another soul that I'm not too blind and foolish to see it... and so I'm reposting this and I hope ya'll read it and that it may touch someone out there... Be well my friends


For those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.

This is one of her experiences:

April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville, waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd Had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego. I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight.

Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes That obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones. The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man.

I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport...an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.

Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, And suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.

I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen And it may be embarrassing.

I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my Spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. "Oh, no, God, please, no." I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, "Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience.

Please, Lord!"

There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, "Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane." Then I heard it... "I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair." The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainer. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, "God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man.
I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man." Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. "That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair." I looked up at God and quipped, "I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?" God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: "I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works."
(2 Timothy 3:17)

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even As I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, "Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"

He looked back at me and said, "What did you say?"

May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"

To which he responded in volume ten, "Little lady, if you expect me to Hear you; you're going to have to talk louder than that."

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, "SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?"

At which point every eye in the place darted right at me I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Longlocks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, "If you really want to." Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I
could utter the words, "Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush." "I have one in my bag," he responded.

I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands,
remembering to take my time not to pull.

A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a
little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while. The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's.

I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knees and said, "Sir, do you know my Jesus?"

He said, "Yes, I do." Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, "I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior." He said, "You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride."

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it. Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, "That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?"

I said, "Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!"
And we got to share.

I learned something about God that day He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way. . . all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.

John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting, "Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!"


Currently listening:
Into the Woods
By The Call
Release date: 15 February, 2005

Best that I am

Current mood: awake


"Best I Am"

Long.
I`ve Been Running away for far too long
Afraid of what
Afraid of what I know is soon to come
I may not be much of an example right now
But I can give you all of my knowledge on how
to get along in this place
right now all I can say

Is that I will do the best that I can
to be a good example of man
I know one day that You`ll understand
you deserve the best that I am
you deserve the best that I am

It`s So hard
so hard to think about when I was child
so angry at life
I blamed the world for such a long long time
But Things happened so quickly
some people just go
I needed answers to heal me
I wanted to know how to get by
and now its my turn to say

that I will do the best that I can
to be a good example of man
I know one day that You`ll understand
you deserve the best that I am
you deserve the best that I am

This is all for you
everything in this world
everything in my world
everything in your world
things wont always go right in this life
theres always changes
we`ll make it

and that I will do the best that I can
to be a good example of man
I know one day that You`ll understand
you deserve the best that I am
you deserve the best that I am

-C. Volz - FLAW
Currently listening:
Through the Eyes
By Flaw
Release date: 30 October, 2001

Sometimes I miss you...

There are only whispers and shadows for me
The way things are and the way things are
And with this I blow a kiss to disaster
Because I wish to perfect my heart...
I gotta check my mind...
Am I in tune with you?
Do we connect within the realm of the gods?
Electric word "life" that means forever
and thats a mighty long time when you've kissed divine
So divine...as with you
The Christ within will come in the clouds
Trusting "divinity is always with me"
Trusting "this is the here and now"
Mercy's right...I gotta check my love
and I'm trying to do as such
I don't let the demons get me down
it's just that sometimes I miss you so much...

I can envision all things to life
I can understand realistic ways
But I invent the next phase in forever
I like you, rewrite the next page
It's so pristine...it's so untouched
I'm an emmaculate sign of devotion
Still unseen...I'm thinking so what
Bless me cursed with colorful emotions
God said "I guess you don't know I'm you
because you know the entire 360"
A Christ that's me
A Christ that's you
Reguardless...constantly within me
I'm so not responsible for this
I'm just a man in love with so much
I know love...you'll always be with me
It's just sometimes I miss you so much

-P.M. Dawn
Currently listening:
Jesus Wept
By P.M. Dawn
Release date: 16 September, 1997

complications...

Current mood: depressed


complications of times long gone by..


Sometimes I sound off..
with such convictions
almost as a religious fundamentalist
as if I've got it broken down... and by the balls...
so to speak...
other times I fear
it is just pretend...
maybe I'm still 7 years old... like the first one I remember...
birth came and went... and again and again..
Time, like always: it passes,
questions still unanswered
life i fear escapes me
and I'm still standing here

and if I'm being honest...

I cannot shake your face
and the days long gone away
creeping into my nights
my day-mares...
like a twisted and crippled creature...
always lurking...
how fucked up does it make me..
that I'm still not over you..
that you are in my thoughts every day
that I love our child more
because he is a piece of you...
and how terrified does it leave me..
that I related so well..
to one so mad...
that I miss you still...

and you... and you..
we've been round in circles
many times before...
it'll never be what I'd dream
or you'd dream... but it haunts us just the same..
and again I watch your back grow smaller...
crying for surely not the last time...
and I know you'll call
and I know I'll write
maybe a visit now and then..
but life is here and we are there
and there'll never be another
meteor shower in JP again...

... tears still fall over what was raped from me..
torn from my womb as a sheet of scrap paper....
It'll never be the same... that moment in time I've lost..
shaking I lay on the cold hard table...
unable to feel... the scalpel or about the first cries of his life......
Shaking I lay....and thought only of me...
The boy they kept in a clear box.. taken from me...
hours passed...
as he waited...
shaking I lay...

and late at night when its quiet
and I play it over in my mind..
shaking I lie...
and still I cry...

I wrote a poem once upon a paper....
it read very clear..my fears of becoming my mother...
now it seems I may be on the threshold of that door...
do I really mind it all that much???
Now that I see so much we share...
Maybe what bothers me most is not what
room I am walking into.. so much as the one
I've left behind....

theres a place inside me thats grown
puts me behind my little ones needs..
but still I cannot slay this monster
that wants to hand him off.. put him down..
walk away... off to more unimportant things..
off to paint and knit my way
right into a neglected little boy
is this me... or am I far to harsh..
I know not my friends...

I only know how much I want to RUN... but I know not how.... I have no where to go... and I have yet to find out why....

I only know how quick I am to point fingers...
name names... to settle on my verdict...
I know the times that words as foul as vomit
have spilled forth from my own mouth...
I know the statements I've chased
as they flew from my tounge.. too late to catch them
too late...

must I always realize the time was now
just a minute too late..



Currently listening:
Happy Baby Series: Beatles for Babies
By Various Artists
Release date: 28 September, 1999

Big Brother... should be wearing cloth diapers!

Current mood: determined

So I don't know if its my over active imagination which loves to indulge conspiracy theorys... or if this is something anyone else notices.. but the "sponsors ads" which pop up on myspace on my homepage now seem incredibly tailored to what could be seen as my personal interests... spirituality, natural and hippie shit, and parenting stuff... It kinda makes me wanna uncheck all the checked facts on my profile... "proud parent, christian other... etc"... I'm finding it all a bit creepy... *sigh* but then again I guess its not all that far out that big bro could very well be watching us all....

speaking of hippie natural shit... my newest and greatest scheme ( because of course everyone knows that I've always got my latest and greatest idea which I become completely obsessed with.. until the next GREAT idea ;))... is *DRUM ROLL........................* DIAPERS!!!!!!! maybe this mom thing is starting to somehow seep into my brain but lately I have developed this facination with all things cloth diaper related... (If any of you doubt how deep this obsession has run... ask my family how much time I've spent on ebay and browsing the web the past week or two searching for diapers, wool soakers, knitting patterns, handsewn covers and so cute crochet wraps (with adorable witte bees buzzing around on the bum!!! lol) ANyways.. on to the relevant part before my boy wakes up and I am forced to cut this short by his pleas for a feeding and some cuddling (not that I mind!), My Idea: I want to make and sell diapers... many many different diapers... some from knitting.. some from organic and some from cheap yarn... some plain some in interesting and funky color schemes.. but mostly I want to scour thrift shops and garage sales (and yes even my own closet and attic) for lonely and abandoned sweaters, T shirts, and flannel shirts that are no longer living in happiness.... And breathe some new life into them.. give them a reason to live again... an adorable little baby butt and all its poopy and glory :) (translated for those of you without a flair for the dramatics: I want to recycle old clothes to make new diapers.) I was attempting to start a business revolving around all sorts of natural and organic baby and maternity products... but so far it has not shown much potential for profit... rather it is draining my funds rapidly... and time is of the essence this year.. I NEED to have a solid business up and running... or at least on the upswing by this time next year.... I NEED it... I cannot bear the thought of having to go back to slinging espresso or selling cell phones 40 to 48 hours a week and paying someone else a fortune to have the pleasure of raising MY beautiful baby... I want to be able to be around to see all of Lennon's growing up... and I really would love to homeschool him... I need to find the way I'm going to support my new family for our future.. and so I can stop mooching off my poor parents asap!! So... hopefully this diaper thing will be my ticket to freedom (or at least will keep me from slavery a bit longer...) and hopefully it is something that will still seem realistic and doable once the initial euphoria and opptimisim, that comes from my grand ideas, wears off.... time will tell. wish me luck.. and if any of you need some diapers... or if anyone wants to donate some wool sweaters or flannel shirts..... you know where to find me!!!! Read on for some VERY interesting diaper facts..


Why choose cloth diapers? There are so many reasons. Cloth diapers are soft against your baby's skin. Cloth diapers are also free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers. Our common sense tells us that cloth diapers are the ultimate in recycling because they are used again and again, not entering a landfill until they are nothing but rags. Of course, some people want more than this common sense approach--they want facts. Here are a few well-documented facts to help inform your choice.

Health

Disposable diapers contain traces of Dioxin, an extremely toxic by-product of the paper-bleaching process. It is a carcinogenic chemical, listed by the EPA as the most toxic of all cancer-linked chemicals. It is banned in most countries, but not the U.S..

Disposable diapers contain Tributyl-tin (TBT) - a toxic pollutant known to cause hormonal problems in humans and animals.

Disposable diapers contain sodium polyacrylate, a type of super absorbent polymer (SAP), which becomes a gel-like substance when wet. A similar substance had been used in super-absorbancy tampons until the early 1980s when it was revealed that the material increased the risk of toxic shock syndrome.

In May 2000, the Archives of Disease in Childhood published research showing that scrotal temperature is increased in boys wearing disposable diapers, and that prolonged use of disposable diapers will blunt or completely abolish the physiological testicular cooling mechanism important for normal spermatogenesis.

Environment

In 1988, over 18 billion diapers were sold and consumed in the United States that year.4 Based on our calculations (listed below under "Cost: National Costs"), we estimate that 27.4 billion disposable diapers are consumed every year in the U.S.

The instructions on a disposable diaper package advice that all fecal matter should be deposited in the toilet before discarding, yet less than one half of one percent of all waste from single-use diapers goes into the sewage system.

Over 92% of all single-use diapers end up in a landfill.

In 1988, nearly $300 million dollars were spent annually just to discard disposable diapers, whereas cotton diapers are reused 50 to 200 times before being turned into rags.

No one knows how long it takes for a disposable diaper to decompose, but it is estimated to be about 250-500 years, long after your children, grandchildren and great, great, great grandchildren will be gone.5

Disposable diapers are the third largest single consumer item in landfills, and represent about 4% of solid waste. In a house with a child in diapers, disposables make up 50% of household waste.5

Disposable diapers generate sixty times more solid waste and use twenty times more raw materials, like crude oil and wood pulp.3

The manufacture and use of disposable diapers amounts to 2.3 times more water wasted than cloth.3

Over 300 pounds of wood, 50 pounds of petroleum feedstocks and 20 pounds of chlorine are used to produce disposable diapers for one baby EACH YEAR.6

In 1991, an attempt towards recycling disposable diapers was made in the city of Seattle, involving 800 families, 30 day care centers, a hospital and a Seattle-based recycler for a period of one year. The conclusion made by Procter & Gamble was that recycling disposable diapers was not an economically feasible task on any scale.17

Dryness and Rash

The most common reason for diaper rash is excessive moisture against the skin.

Newborns should be changed every hour and older babies every 3-4 hours, no matter what kind of diaper they are wearing.

At least half of all babies will exhibit rash at least once during their diapering years.

Diaper rash was almost unheard of before the use of rubber or plastic pants in the 1940s.

There is no significant difference between cloth and disposables when it comes to diaper rash.

There are many reasons for rash, such as food allergies, yeast infections, skin sensitivity, chafing, and chemical irritation. Diaper rash can result from the introduction of new foods in older babies. Some foods raise the frequency of bowel movements which also can irritate. Changes in a breastfeeding mother's diet may alter the baby's stool, causing rash.

Cost

We estimate that each baby will need about 6,000 diapers during the first two years of life. The following estimates are based on prices in San Francisco, California.

Disposables. For these calculations, let's assume that a family needs about 60 diapers a week. In the San Francisco Bay area, disposable diapers cost roughly 23¢ per store-brand diaper and 28¢ for name-brand. This averages to 25.5¢ per diaper. Thus the average child will cost about $1,600 to diaper for two years in disposable diapers, or about $66 a month.

Diaper Services. Subscribing to a diaper services costs between $13 and $17 each week depending on how many diapers a family decides to order. Let's assume the family spends roughly $15 a week for 60 diapers a week. This equals $780 annually and averages to $65 a month. Over the course of two years, the family will spend about $1500 per baby, roughly the same cost as disposables, depending on what type of covers are purchased and what type of wipes are used. If one adds in the cost of disposable wipes for either diapering system, the costs increase.

Cloth Diapers. For cloth diapering, each family will probably need about 6 dozen diapers. The cost of cloth diapering can vary considerably, from as low as $300 for a basic set-up of prefolds and covers, to $1000 or more for organic cotton fitted diapers and wool covers. Despite this large price range, it should be possible to buy a generous mix of prefolds and diaper covers for about $300, most of which will probably last for two children. This means the cost of cloth diapering is about one tenth the cost of disposables, and you can spend even less by using found objects (old towels & T-shirts).

National Costs. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were about 19 million children under four in 2000. We could probably assume that there are about 9.5 million children under two and therefore in diapers at any one time. Based on previous studies, we estimate that 5-10% of babies wear cloth diapers at least part time. We will average these figures to 7.5% of babies in cloth diapers and 92.5% in disposables. This means that about 8.8 million babies in the U.S. are using 27.4 billion disposable diapers every year13.

Based on these calculations, if we multiply the 8.8 million babies in disposable diapers by an average cost of $800 a year, we find that Americans spend about 7 billion dollars on disposable diapers every year. If every one of those families switched to home-laundered cloth prefold diapers, they would save more than $6 billion, enough to feed about 2.5 million American children for an entire year. Coincidentally, the 2002 U.S. Census reveals that 2.3 million children under 6 live in poverty.


CLOTH DIAPER MYTHS EXPOSED:


Myth #1 - Cloth Diapers Are Expensive…

It is estimated that using disposable diapers can cost you between two and three thousand dollars per child, from birth to potty training. That is an astounding amount of money to spend on what is essentially garbage. Cloth diapers, however, are much cheaper in the long run, even if the initial investment is more. Assuming that you will not be sewing your own diapers…it is entirely possible to cloth diaper a child for 3 years for $100-300 dollars. These diapers will likely last for one or more subsequent children as well. Do the math…the numbers don't lie.

Myth #2 - Cloth Diapers Smell…

Cloth diapers do not smell any more then a disposable diaper does. The smell that emanates from a cloth diaper thrown in a diaper pail can not be more offensive then a soiled disposable diaper thrown in a garbage can. Innovative new diaper pails and odor controlling accoutrements in a variety of sweet smelling fragrances have eliminated this problem entirely. Odors are also held at bay by using a dry pail method for storing soiled diapers, where diapers are not left to sit in stagnant and possibly malodorous water. With these new advances, there are no reasons why cloth diapers need to "smell".


Myth #3 - Cloth Diapers Are Hard to Care For…

Many cloth diapering parents have adopted a dry pail method of storage. This means that they simply remove a soiled diaper, dispose of any solid waste by dumping it in the toilet, and then toss the diaper in a diaper pail until laundry day. While some cloth diaper users may still rinse diapers in a toilet or sink before putting them in the pail or perhaps soak them in a wet pail before laundering, these methods are not necessary. A no rinse, dry pail method has been proven to be just as effective.

Using cloth diapers will usually only mean another 1-3 loads of laundry a week. This should not represent a significant difference in workload on laundry days. Putting cloth diapers outside on a line to dry will not only alleviate some of this work, but it will also help conserve energy and work to "sun" out any stains that washing did not get rid of. All things considered, it is no more difficult to clean cloth diapers then it is to clean any other clothing types.

Myth #4 - Cloth Diapers Are Not Sanitary…

Cloth diapers need to be clean, plain and simple. They do not need to be absolutely sterile. Most adults probably do not find it necessary to sterilize their underpants, so laundering cloth diapers should be sufficient to ensure that they are clean and ready for use. Diapers should be washed with hot water and then dried in a dryer or on the line outside. Both of these drying mechanisms, providing either heat from the dryer or heat from the sun, will actually help to sterilize the diapers and kill any lingering bacteria that may be present. They should sufficiently clean and acceptable to diaper your baby with.


Myth #5 - Washing Cloth Diapers Wastes Electricity and Water

This argument is truly baffling. Washing cloth diapers does require water and energy usage, yes. However, advancing technology in washing machines and dryers has helped tremendously to keep the energy and water usage to a minimum. Even if you are washing cloth diapers with the oldest and most archaic washing and drying machines, the water and energy output in washing a few loads of diapers a week is infinitesimal compared to the energy wasted on disposable diapers.

Just consider the energy and fossil fuels used to cut down and transport thousands of trees to make the paper pulp used in a disposable diaper, not to mention the devastation this causes to our national forests. Water and energy are then used to create this paper pulp and bleach it. Even more energy is used to make the outer plastic shells and then assemble the diaper. These diapers are then packaged in plastic wrappings and put in cardboard boxes, which also had to be specially made for transporting these diapers. It doesn't end there, however; these diapers are then transported from the factory all over the country and all over the world using trains, trucks, and cargo planes, so that they can be delivered to the stores that sell them to the public. No doubt, more energy is wasted by the consumer who must drive to and from these stores to make their purchase. To make matters worse, these consumers use up theses diapers and throw them away, essentially throwing their money in the garbage as well. The garbage must then be transported to a landfill using even more energy and fuel. This energy consumption is never ending. Cloth diaper users reduce, reuse, and recycle. Can any disposable diaper users claim that?

Myth #6 - Cloth Diapers Leak…

Cloth diapers today come in many different styles and are made with a wondrous array of fabric and absorbency levels. Even parents of children who are very heavy wetters are sure to find a diaper that works for them if they search hard enough. Parents must consider though that disposable diapers are made with chemicals that allow them to be super absorbent and act as a high-volume portable toilet. Yes, disposable diapers may hold in more urine but is that really a good thing? The holding capacity of disposable diapers seems to be breeding laziness and unrealistic expectations in many parents. We should not lulled into the thinking that a diaper should last through several urinations before it is changed, simply because it inconvenient to change diapers every 2-3 hours or less. When a diaper is soiled or wet it needs to be changed…end of story. If diapers are changed immediately after they become soiled or wet, then leaks are rarely a problem.


Currently watching:
Vanilla Sky
Release date: 21 May, 2002

Heartbreak...

Current mood: melancholy

I wonder if it ever gets any easier to watch someone you love very much crying as if their heart is breaking... and knowing that nothing you can say or do can change what is.... Reminds me of a saying I once heard.. something like "The only one who can make you better when you are crying is the one who made you cry to begin with"... I have known this person 25 years and have never seen him cry... I think tonight may have been one of the saddest moments of my life... I cannot say anymore at the moment... and you will never read this, but my heart goes out to you and I hope you will keep it somewhere in your mind tonight that time heals all wounds...

revelations and resolutions

Current mood: artistic

My revelations on life, on motherhood, on finally growing up, and my new years resolution:

My new years resolution I decided today is to stop shopping at the corporate retail wastelands of the world..... I been putting it off for a long time, thinkin I can't afford it.. I keep buying these crappy clothes that I don't really like but I settle for them cause they are inexpensive... yah know what, usually throughout my life I have ended up with at least twice as many clothing items as I truely need.. and I don't like most of them so I don't wear them, and if you tally up all the 10 to 20 dollar items i purchase from the walmarts and old navys of the world, i probably spend (at least) just as much or more as i would if i just purchased the handmade, ecofriendly, beautiful stuff that I REALLY LOVE! same with the baby clothes.. I do laundry just about every day as it is... so i'm thinkin wouldn't it make more sense to just buy the organic, hemp, beautiful handmade stuff that I'd much rather put on my angel's little sensitive body and have only 10 different outfits that I can was when need be than to buy 40 or 50 clearance rack items made by baby gap??? I'm trying to switch over to cloth diapers right now too.... I been talkin bout trying to make certain lifestyle changes for years and I feel like its time to just start takin the plunge in as many ways as I can....
I know some of my friends and family think I'm totally nucking futs for desiring a nutty crunchy lifestyle... but I have always thought nothing would be better than growing my own food and trade food with others who do the same.. all the while wearing clothes made by a human being who put time and love into it... washing with natural homemade soap.... walking where I need to or riding a bicycle... maybe taking a bus or driving my car VERY infrequently... I could keep going on and on with this daydream all the way to producing my own energy with waterwheels or windmills.... *sigh* maybe I shoulda been born amish... or maybe I should go find myself a hippie commune....lol... I know its been a long while since I wrote a blog.. but this mothering thing I'm doin is inspiring me in so many ways.... and making me grow up in many others... I'm starting to realize that life is gonna go whichever way its gonna go... in many ways its like being on a rollercoaster blindfolded... just because we can't see the track doesn't mean its not going where its supposed to go.. maybe I'll never live the dreams I've dared to dream.. maybe I won't get to raise my children while trotting the globe... maybe Lennon won't get to grow up living an unconventional life in africa traveling around helping provide humanitarian aid... learning the invaluable lessons of love, compassion, and even survival outside the comforts of microwave ovens... without a television or video game in sight.....maybe.. . maybe not...
I love my family and I know how much they love me and my son.... If my mother felt or feels even a tenth for me of the intensity of love that I feel for the little soul that I've ushered into the world than I can very much understand how scared and sad she must feel or have felt when I speak of leaving this ara.. this state or country... or when I hopped into a car with a boyfriend who was a few bolts short of a nut and headed for the pacific...
Being a mother has made me realize more than a few things... I may or may not spend the rest of my short little life in Connecticut... or the USA... but either way I will try my best to be happy and content with the cards I am dealt... If I do go elsewhere, wether it be massachusetts, northern california, south africa, or fiji, it will be with a purpose... not just to run away from this place or this person that I am.... I've finally discovered that will be exactly the same person wether I am here or 3000 miles from this place I've grown up in. Distance will not change me, my faults will still be there clear as day to everyone but myself if I choose to stay blind to that which keeps me down... Those horrors that keep arising in the situations I place myself in will continue no matter my location... You cannot run from yourself... Maybe its not connecticut I despise... maybe it is parts of myself and I only blame connecticut and its inhabitants for bringing them to the surface... People are people no matter where they live or what language they speak... greed, selfishness, hate, anger... these live all over the globe.. as do selflessness, joy, compassion, and love... no place is perfect just as no person is...maybe I need to change myself instead of my zipcode...
I would love to see the things I've only seen on the discovery channel and in national geographic.. I would love to live in an exotic location... learn many many languages and have the opportunity to love and care for many different people all over the earth... but I also would love to have a relationship with my family that some folks never have the opportunity to experience.. anyone can travel.. stick out their thumb and hop a train... everyone can live anywhere they choose.... not everyone gets a family full of beautiful people and the chance to have REAL relationships with those they share the same blood and have grown up with. Maybe the only travels I will do are the travels that one can only do within the heart and mind of another human being... my son... my mom and dad... my brothers or my sisters... and the friends I choose to surround myself with. Maybe its time to leave behind childish dreams and exchange them with the dreams of my child... dreams for my child... I can think of no better people to teach him the lessons of life and love than his grandparents and aunts and uncles... as for my desires to live a life au naturale.. maybe I'll have to content myself with living as true to myself and mothernature as I can be within the means I have.... maybe with each passing year I'll be able to come closer and closer to the simple life I want.... or maybe I'll only ever come as close as the burts bees soaps I currently use... the cloth sacks I bring to the grocery store.. the handmade clothes I'd like to buy... and the naturally inspiring toys and games, crafts and instruments I'll provide to my son.... Maybe instead of focusing my energy on trying to find my way out of this place I'll focus on FINDING MY WAY in this place... making the best life I can for my son.. If the opportunity arises someday and if there is a purpose for me to leave here.. I'm open to it... open to life..but I've come to realize that if it never does its okay. After all, we can only change the world one life at a time. My beautiful, innocent, perfectly uncorrupted unspoilt little son Lennon is my chance to change the world... and HE is all the world I need.


MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Did You Know?
• In New York City alone, one less grocery bag per person per year would reduce waste by 5 million lbs. and save $250,000 in disposal costs.

• Plastic bags carry 80% of the nation's groceries, up from 5% in 1982.

• When 1 ton of paper bags is reused or recycled, 3 cubic meters of landfill space is saved and 13 - 17 trees are spared!

• In 1997, 955,000 tons of paper bags were used in the United States.

• When 1 ton of plastic bags is reused or recycled, the energy equivalent of 11 barrels of oil are saved.