Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Can't take the slogans no more....

Current mood: optimistic

I so wanna quit my job.. and start painting.. writing.. drawing.. treking around the world... whatever I feel to do.. and so long as I can make enough to feed my son and eat and have a roof of some sort to sleep under.. I know I could be happy... I was pumping gas yesterday... and suddenly I was wisked away for a split second to the midwest.. .the open road.... the feeling of freedom that comes from having no destination in particular other than wherever your heart tells you to go.... every day I sit at my desk and fight myself.. fight the urge to get up and very calmly bid everyone a fond farewell.... go home and pull out my paints that I have hardly any time to express myself with lately...... anyways.. one of these days... mark my words :) with that said... sing it for me Bob! tell'm how I feel! :D hehe..i'm such a damn hippie ;)

Can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more.

Wipe out the paintings of slogans
all over the streets (ooh, ooh, ooh),
confusing the people
while your asphalt burns our tired feet.
I see borders and barriers,
segregation, demonstration and riots (ooh, ooh, ooh),
a-sufferation of the refugees,
oh-oh, when, when will we be free?

Oh-oh-oh, we can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more,
no more sweet talk from-a grimepit,
no more sweet talk from the hypocrites.

So we know we can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more,
can't take your slogans no more,
no more sweet talk from-a pulpit,
no more sweet talk from the pulpit.

No more sweet talk from-a grimepit,
no more sweet talk from the hypocrites (oh, no hypocrites!),
no more sweet talk from-a grimepit (wo-ah yeah),
no more sweet talk (no-no-no-no sweet talk) from the hypocrites (hey!),
no more sweet talk from-a grimepit,
no more sweet talk (no-no-no-no sweet talk) from the hypocrites (no-no-no-no hey!).


Sunday, September 24, 2006

paintings for my son...

Current mood: artistic

Helloooo, I wanted to share some paintings I've been working on for my son, I'm hanging them over his cradle and they are based on the animals in the quilt I got for his cradle... Theres still two more I'm gonna do... I'm thinking of starting to try to sell my paintings... I went out and bought almost 200$ worth of unfinished wooden furniture and boxes to paint.. to try and start up a sort of business selling them... I'll post some pictures of those on here too as they are finished.. I also was looking at those plaster belly cast kits today too.. think I'm gonna order one, and do a painting on it too! :) I think right now I'm gonna go paint a picture for myself.. I've had this image in my head now for two days.. and if I don't get it out of there soon its gonna be lost in the spaces of my mind forever..... anywho... what'd yall think?? :)

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Currently watching:
The Matrix
Release date: 21 September, 1999

PLEASE READ: a request...

Current mood: worried

On behalf of my unborn child I am putting out a request to all of you my friends... My ex is completely fucking nuts... some of the shit he's been posting on his myspace is getting pretty fucking scary to me.... This man is extremely unstable and abusive... I believe he has some form of schizophrenia or some other paranoid personality disorder.... the point is, I am TERRIFIED that when my son is born he will try to get visitation, custody, or come around.. For my baby's protection I'm trying to get the protective orders I already have bumped up to full protection so that he can't try to contact me in any way, or come within like 1000 feet or something.... What does this have to do with any of you??? Well, he has sent messages and contacted several of my friends that I know of.. and while I'm not sure he would have contacted anyone else, I wouldn't put anything past him at this point... so: If any of you have gotten ranting, raving, crazy messages from him, would you please forward them on to me... it would be a great help to me if I need more to help me prove to the police and courts how much he has completely lost it.... Anyways... sorry about the drama, if he hasn't contacted you no worries, if he has, please let me know, and if he ever does in the future please let me know right away... Thank you all!!!

Currently reading:
Natural Baby and Childcare: Practical Medical Advice and Holistic Wisdom for Raising Healthy Children
By Lauren Feder
Release date: 17 March, 2006

Friday, September 22, 2006


Current mood: sleepy

"Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them,
but you know they are always there."

Currently listening:
Live at the Door
By Nichole Nordeman
Release date: 20 May, 2003

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Devil and Mrs. Bush...

Current mood: amused

I posted this in a bulletin... and then I was still needing to announce this to more people so.....

I just have to say... The president of Venezuela Fucking rules! I might move there if shit keeps goin like it is... I hear gas is like 45 cents a gallon or something equally as lovely... Why can't we have politicians with some fucking balls like that in this country... buncha fucking lemmings is what we've got.. anyways... just my thoughts for the day.

:) God Bless... the whole world ;)

p.s. if you have no idea what I'm talking about.. check your local news.. or go browse yahoo news... or wait to read about it in the newspaper 1st thing in the A.M.

Currently reading:
Sign Language for Babies and Toddlers
By Christopher Brown
Release date: 09 September, 2005

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Current mood: sad

My great aunt passed away over the weekend :( I have to go to her funeral in a few hours.. I hate funerals.. but I really feel like I should go... it made me really sad to learn that she was so excited about going to my surprise baby shower.. and when she first went to the hospital on thursday the first thing she said to my grandma and her other sister was a very glum and disappointed "I guess I can't go now..."..... My aunt terry was a really cool lady... short fiesty and firey... I remember when I was little I used to measure how quick I was growing by her... I would go up and stand next to her and say "only 2 more inches aunt Terry" and she'd say "Still not there yet Shorty"... The summer I finally overshadowed her (only by a half an inch!) I started calling her shorty... always did from then on..... :( She was one of my favorite relatives.. probably my favorite outside of my grandparents and my slightly crazy (but only cause he's a stubborn aquarius!) great uncle in California (who incidently is here for the week.. guess thats the one good part about funerals.....:( ) I didn't get to see her very often.. but I know my aunt will be missed.. by me and many, many others.....

On that note.... life is too short my friends... tell someone you love how much they mean to you... you never know what the next moment holds.... Be well everyone...


It feels like your life's crashing down all around you
Let me ask if it's really so bad
Look at the world in it's suffering
Can you honestly tell me that no one else could understand
All the hurting inside

Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment,
Would you still be the same

A young child looks through a great stained glass window
Watching the people go by
Everyone seems to be wearing a red coat
His mother sees jackets in white
Now he can't understand why does she see it this way

Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment,
Would you still be the same

Yesterday, you really couldn't see
By changing your angle a new world would be
Revealed to your once blinded eyes by moving a few degrees

Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment,
Would you still be the same

-Jon Micah Sumrall

Currently listening:
Sea of Faces
By Kutless
Release date: 24 February, 2004

I have the greatest...

Current mood: loved

....family! :)))) My mom and Sarah and Addi and my Nana threw me a surprise shower yesterday! Awesome! :) There were so many people there, it was pretty freaking overwhelming (in a good way) I think I almost cried at least 4 or 5 times at just the thought of there being all these people who care and are rooting for me and Lennon! I think we have just about everything we need now too... I am so in awe of the kindness of the few who put this together, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! Anyways.. I'm about to head off to bed, but I just wanted to thank you guys for everything you've done to help me during this time in my life... especially for just being there and loving me... Don't know where I'd be without you guys (Mom and Sarah and Addi)... I Love You all and G'night!

Currently reading:
Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
By Ingrid Bauer
Release date: 01 April, 2001

Friday, September 8, 2006

Pirates, Paintings, Lead pipes, and Poison

Current mood: content

Just wanted to let everyone know... I saw a pirate today.. He was in walmart parking lot... and he had a patch and a sword and all... so all of you please be careful and be on the lookout... there be pirates in these here waters... "YAAAARRRghhhhh MATEY" :) Thats pretty much all I have to say.. I had a good and productive day off today.. my lil sister helped me run some errands.. spent lots of my money, but it was on some of the essentials for baby.. Got myself a sweet ass Rocking chair :))))) I LOVE LOVE LOVE rocking chairs and I finally had a good reason to get one!... Got some curtain rods so I could finally hang my curtains I made a few years ago that are the coolest freaking curtains you will ever see... AND, I bought my first package of diapers... I was really wanting to use cloth diapers but I don't know how thats gonna work.. I'm still gonna try, but I bought some biodegradable, natural fiber, latex and clorine free disposable ones.. just in case rinsing poopy diapers becomes just tooo unappealing ;)

So anyways, mine and Lennon's room is almost finished.. few more random things to get, couple more homey touches and we will be in like flynn. I painted him some reall cute jungle animal paintings the other night to go with the cradle quilt I bought...Gotta hang those up this weekend. I went to visit the hospital last night for a tour of the maternity wing... BLAH! I freaking hate hospitals.... And while I am looking forward to meeting my son, I am dreading having to give birth in a hospital.. I'm gonna be such a thorn in their sides, I can see it already.. I'm not gonna cooperate with anything that they do as standard procedures from the moniters they use to the tools they want to use, the drugs they want to give, to the injections they're gonna want to give him and the goo they're gonna want to put in his eyes.. no way no how!! Not gonna happen! I'll be damned if they're gonna shoot my newborn son up with all sorts of chemicals and crap! Or give me narcotics so they can get passed on into him and he can come out all drowsy and drugged up! I've read WAYYYYY too many things about vaccines and all of the "standard medical procedures" that have caused serious harm and even death to way to many people.. I think I'll try and deal with the pain thank you very much! And I think I'll take my chances with vitamin K deficiencys hepatitis and german measles rather than have my hours old son get injected with shit that had the same stuff in it that embalming fluid is made from! DOn't get me wrong.. I know the Drs mean well and its what they're trained to do... but I think I recall reading also that the fall of the Roman empire (which was the greatest human force to reckon with on earth at one point) was due to such a simple thing as the water system being built with LEAD pipes... Roman engineers, though they had the best of intentions, poisoned an entire population of people simply because they did something they thought would be fine...without knowing the possible long term damage it could do...In my opinion.. based on all the information I've informally studied and self taugh myself.. I think a good portion of western medicine is heading in the same direction.. from vaccines to prescription drugs.. its all the same poison in my book. AAAAaaaaaaaaaannyways :) Sorry for the rant, I tend to ramble about things I feel passionately about.. Point is: That hospital does not know what kind of a hard time they are in for the day I walk through they're door ;))) and on that note.. I think I'm gonna go put my footsies up and read a bit.. Tah Tah and Good night... and don't forget to be on the lookout for pirates...


Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Parenting and authority

Current mood: working

This is an article I found browsing around the net.. I thought it was AMAZING to say the least... This person so eloquently speaks all the ways I think... so I'm reposting it. Even if you read it and don't agree with it, it still makes for some good reading... and if you don't agree please let me know.. I'm curious to hear some good arguements from the opposing views.. READ ON :)

How Should I Parent - According to the Experts?

According to those who study human behavior, there IS a "best" parenting style. It's called the authoritative parenting style. Researchers like Diana Baumrind and others have roughly outlined four basic parenting styles. These styles are based upon two indicators: parental warmth and parental control (or now called parental responsiveness and parental demandingness). The parenting styles are based upon how much of each indicator the parent displays in his or her interactions with the children. In our discussion of these styles, we will look at them from most controlling to least controlling.

Authoritarian - these parents have a high level of control, but a low level of responsiveness. They expect obedience from their children without question. They have a high level of structure and clearly stated rules, and often use punishment as a deterrent to disoedience. They are also characterized by the high level of psychological control they exert over their children. Children of authoritarian parents tend to do moderately well in school and do not engage in problem behaviors, but they have lower self-esteem, poorer social skills and more depression. A higher percentage of obese children come from authoritarian families.

Authoritative - these parents have both a high level of control and a high level of responsiveness, but their discipline is non-punitive. They clearly let their children know what their standards are, but these parents are able to balance their conformity demands with respect for their children's individuality. Children of authoritarian parents are the most socially and instrumentally competent, and exhibit the lowest levels of problem behaviors. This is the parenting style that researchers SAY is the best.

Indulgent - these parents are more responsive than they are demanding. They are more non-traditional than the other styles, allow the child more self-regulation, and do not require mature behavior. Another term for this style is democratic.

Uninvolved - these parents are low in responsiveness and demandingness. While most researchers point out that this category includes those who are rejecting or neglectful, for the most part even these parents fall within what is considered normal parenting behavior.

Now, here's the reason I've been discussing these parenting styles - NOT so you will run out and all become authoritative parents. One commentator states that "children from authoritative homes appear to be able to balance the claims of external conformity and achievement demands with their need for individuation and autonomy" (1). There is the kicker: conformity.

Who decided just what we are supposed to conform to? Who decided just what behavior is "best" for our children, and for us as individuals? Our society "demands" a certain kind of behavior from us. The point is, we DON'T have to adhere to these demands.

I have specifically raised my children so that they know they do not have to adhere to anyone else's demands (except in cases where breaking the law might get them thrown in jail). I do not require them to adhere to "external conformity and achievement demands". You see, these researchers, they assume that we all agree about what is "socially acceptable" or necessary, so when they evaluate the children reared with these different parenting styles, they may say that some of them did not turn out to be "socially competent". Well, maybe that's because not all of us parents agree that being socially competent, by their definition, is what we want for our children.

While I'd like my children to be polite, kind and compassionate to other human beings, I do not want them to feel that just because some supposed authority figure tells them to do something that it is necessarily the right thing to do.

I do not believe in AUTHORITY. I believe in people being equals, not one person being in control of everyone else.

Now people will say, "But in society there will always be someone in authority over us. Shouldn't our children learn this from the start? God, government officials, law enforcement, doctors, teachers, parents - don't all these people have authority over us?"

The answer is, no, they shouldn't, and if they do, it's because we have allowed them to have an authority over us that is inappropriate. Let's explore the false authority that has been given to these individuals.

GOD - This one depends upon your theology. Most people believe God to be a supreme, perfect being who has the right to tell us what to do because he is higher and greater than us. However, these viewpoints were formed by MEN down through the ages and codified into written documents like the Bible, Koran and others. God has never communicated this to us directly, humans have formed this opinion based upon their experiences and assumed this was what God intended for all people. This is not true. God created us from the same stuff he is made from. God is made from electromagnetic energy and so are we. We are part of him because we are made from him and have the same power as him only we don't know how to use it yet. Jesus came to show us how to use that power, and how to live as equals, but that message is no more popular then than it is today. People seem to crave someone else to tell them what to do so they don't have to take responsibility for it themselves. People don't want a truly equal society.

Government officials - our government is supposed to be "by the people" meaning that we govern ourselves by electing officials that will govern the way we want them to. But it doesn't work that way. Those who are supposed to represent us don't see themselves as our servants, but as our masters. They see themselves as the ones "in charge" of our country.

Law enforcement - there only need to be 2 laws. Don't physically harm another person, or their property. That's it. But in true human fashion, we have taken these two simple laws and multiplied them into thousands. In our society, our leaders see it as their purpose to keep everybody from committing wrongs, when their actual purpose should be simply to teach and rehabilitate people after they have done them. Instead of just holding somebody accountable when they get in a car accident, they make all these other rules, like you must wear a seat belt and you must not drive over the speed limit and you must have a drivers license, and you must blah blah blah.....We don't need all that. When somebody else places externally-imposed standards on you, you then don't feel it necessary to monitor your own behavior from within, because somebody has already made your decisions for you. The more laws are placed upon us, the more lawless our society will become.

Doctors - their favorite saying is "follow doctor's orders" as if they are in command over us and we must obey. Doctors in this country for the most part follow one particular theory or model of healing. If you are going to be treated by a doctor in this country you are going to be subjected to a particular viewpoint about how disease and healing occur. The trouble is, you might disagree with that model and not want to be treated according to its rules. Most doctors in this country have only been trained in one model and know very little about other ways of healing. Once again, a decision has been made by those in "authority" that this one model of healing is the best and the others shouldn't be used. Well, that is for the individual patient to decide. No one is going to decide for me what kind of treatment I am allowed to have. I will go to the doctor to get his advice but I will also consult the chiropractor, nutritionist, herbalist, midwife, acupuncturist, naturopath, homeopath, and many others, and then most importantly, I will consult my own innner wisdom and intuition. That is what will tell me the right thing to do.

Teachers - well, before you can accept that a teacher is necessary, you must concede that there is something you cannot teach yourself, or you must believe that what the teacher has to impart to you is true and accurate. I concede neither of those. In a classroom, a teacher teaches what he or she has been told to teach by those in charge of the system, in most cases, our government. In public schools, children learn what the government thinks is important. In a private school, children learn what those who own the school think is important. In a parochial school, children learn what the leaders of that religion believe is important. Everywhere, in every school, the school itself is organized around a group of core ideas that the leaders believe are important for everyone to know.

Well, how about each person deciding for himself or herself what is important? What is important to you may not be important to me. Schools are designed to control students while they learn to socially conform to what others want. Even the knowledge that is deemed important is censored so that only part of what there is to know is ever taught.

No, teachers are not necessary or desirable. A person can teach themselves anything they want to know, because they themselves have deemed it important, not because they are forced to by someone else.

Parents - is the purpose of parents to control children? Some would say so. No, the purpose of parents to lovingly care for children's physical and emotional needs while they grow and develop into whoever they decide to become. It is NOT a parent's job to mold their child into something, or to make them accept some ideas and reject others. You may WANT to....you may wish your child would adopt your ideas or ways of doing things, but that is not fair to the child. Each person should be allowed to decide for themselves what is important to them and how they will live. But parents for the most part don't allow their children this freedom. They want their children to adopt their religion, cultural practices, political views......but why? Because they believe their way is right. It is the height of human arrogance to think our way is better than anybody elses. One person decides to accept certain values and live a certain way based upon a myriad of different factors, most of which have nothing to do with right and wrong, and everything to do with social conformity and pressure.

In essence, the only reason that the authoritative parenting style is accepted as the best is because it produces children which socially conform the way most of society wants them to. But that does not mean YOU have to accept the norms of society.

I do not place external conformity and achievement demands upon my children. I want them to achieve what they have decided is important to them, not what somebody else in society decides is important. I model for my children on a daily basis behavior that is polite, loving, kind and fair. They model this because they see it demonstrated. All other behaviors are optional, they decide for themselves. They go to bed when they want, eat what they want, wear their hair and clothes the way they want, see the movies they want, study what they want, wash dishes and take out the trash when it is necessary, not because it's a rule, and are allowed to fully unfold and develop into the people they choose to be. We all, as human beings, have that right and obligation.

According to the researchers, children of authoritative parents display fewer "problem behaviors." What are those? Being disobedient, skipping school, staying out late, drinking or smoking, being disrespectful, etc. One reason I don't have a problem with my kids is because I do not consider these to BE problem behaviors. I don't expect obedience from my children, but I expect respect because I show respect to them. People used to ask, don't you expect them to do what you tell them to do? No, but as kind and decent individuals, they often do what I ASK them to do. My husband used to want to assign chores to the kids and give them punishment or withdraw privileges if they didn't do them. I told him it wasn't necessary. When I need help, I just ask them and they usually give it, unless they have a good reason not to. And if they have a good reason not to, that is good enough for me. I treat them just as I would want to be treated. That is why they show me respect.

Skipping school - it's like a prison, not a place for learning. I'm happy they are skipping it, and educating themselves instead. When you try to force people to learn, it doesn't work.

Staying out late - my kids know they are free to stay out and go wherever they want, but somehow they never stay out later than the latest movie or restaurant is open, and they usually call and let me know where they are. They have cell phones so I can call them whenever I need to.

Everyone always says, if we don't force kids to go to school they won't voluntarily learn anything, and if we don't give them rules they won't do the right thing.....well, mine DO, and so do lots of others. If we give them mutual respect and model good things, they will pick up on it. It's no wonder they rebel against parents who expect them to adhere to a lot of unnecessary rules and don't trust them to do what's right. If you know someone disrespects you on a basic level, why would you want to follow what they say?

People say kids don't know how to make good decisions, that they don't know what is dangerous and what isn't....I think kids very definately can make good decisions. Jean Liedoff's research which lead to her book "The Continuum Concept" showed that our expectations of children influence their abilities. As she lived in the village, and watched the native mothers care for their children, it became evident that the native mothers knew more about their children than we do about ours. The mothers would sit around and chat, and let their babies crawl here and there. There was a huge pit or hole in the ground near where the babies were crawling, but the mothers never showed any concern. The babies would crawl up to the hole, sit on the edge, dangle their feet over, and crawl away, all without any concern from the mothers. Liedoff said that in all the time she was there, no baby ever fell in the hole. They were aware of it, and so were the mothers, but no attempt to restrain their freedom was made, and no accidents occurred.

So, love your kids, be a good model for them, trust them, but don't force them to accept your ideas or anybody elses. Let them become who they want to be, without coersion.

A BIG HUGE AMEN!!!!!!! :)

Saturday, September 2, 2006


Current mood: crappy

Ever have those moments when you feel so helpless and frustrated that all you can do is cry............ the day to day grind coupled with the insanity I still watching from afar.. coupled with physically feeling more and more out of shape....I think my muscles are starting to atrophy cause I couldn't even lift a 50 pound box today with feeling like I was trying to climb mount everest..... I hate this... I am such a self sufficient person... I HATE having to ask other people to help me do ANYTHING... Its so hard to watch your independence becoming a little harder to hold onto with every passing day.... I know its just stupid little things.. but I sometimes I can't wait to have back my ability to physically move around, bend, twist, flex, stretch, lift.. etc whenever and wherever I feel like it... I can't imagine ever becoming severly physically handicapped.. this frumpy, clumsy, akwardly shaped body has only been mine temporarily and its already taking its toll on my emotional wellbeing... or maybe thats the hormones talking.. I don't know...

I went to the doctor today.. he's concerned cause he says I'm working too much... on my feet too many hours and the way my feet and hands, etc are swelling is something that usually happens before you develop preeclampsia in pregnancy.. which apparently can be really serious... So now he's telling me he might ask me to stop working soon, not to mention I'm already missing time to go to the Dr's every week cause he wants to keep a close eye on my blood pressure.... Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed that I want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep... working to much is bad for my health which is bad for my baby, but if I don't work I will have no money to take care of my baby....Working so much leaves little time for preparing healthy food..but not working leaves no money for healthy food (or any food for that matter if I wasn't mooching off my folks...) I feel like I'm caught in a catch 22 or something.... There's still so much to do before he's born, and it all needs money and time to get done.. unfortunatly I'm constantly trying to juggle the two.. and so far its been very difficult... and now with every passing day I'm finding all the regualr day to day activities getting harder and harder... I don't know how I'm even gonna put my own shoes on in another week or two... nevermind finish putting together a room for myself and my baby.......I should just stop whining now I guess... sorry for the sob story all.. just having a tough time at the moment...

Friday, September 1, 2006

Stolen from Amy's blog.. but only cause its so freakin true!

Current mood: nostalgic

Hello my friends!
My friend Amy posted this in her blog and it struck such a chord in me that I had to repost it... Not sure where it originated but the messenger is never as important as the message anyways.... so, for you my friends....read on....


I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their email. Your response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it,you will know
the reason it was sent to you.

Here goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learnedto use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.