Saturday, January 24, 2009

inside every cynic...

it is true what they say...
because sometimes in the early morning hours
when I lie awake
I can FEEL it happening...
slowly yet surely as watching the grass grow
on a hot summer day

Options become fewer every passing moment
these lives I've lived... this soul...
its purpose to EVOLVE
yet I am unsure how in this life...
big ideas and all the times I've fallen...

everywhere I look the noose is tightening
the possibilities of an acceptable life in
the eyes of the monster that is a general consensus
specifics more intensified...
can't help but feel it is all a lost cause...

what good is understanding if none will hear it?
and it simply becomes a way to feel worse and worse
about the state of the world about
cycling back to realize that perhaps my view
from this window is simply a reflection...

here it comes my friends terror
and that same ole urge to RUN
as fast and far as my 10 dollars will carry...
we could join up with some gypsys
Lennon and I
a flock of weirdos like I've always aspired for
and maybe just for a moment or two
I could live a life that is my tru-STOP!

here comes that voice again...
it'll never work
never happen
never understand
never recover
how about the little house?
the big garden?
the partner?
doesn't exist
never will
all the things I wanted to teach my boy?
they'll never let you get away with it...
there is only ONE version of it all to be taught
and guess what sweetheart...
YOURS ain't it...
there's only one place you're going....
have I told you about the nice soft walls?
...the only constant is change
and I do, but it never seems for the better
I look back and all I see is that yesterday
there were more possibilities than today
maybe I am wiser now...
or maybe I am JADED now?
experience is bullshit
I miss living by FEEL...
maybe I was naive... but I WAS REAL.

If only I hadn't...
If only they didn't...
If only I could've...
If only I could face forward fearless
If only it wasn't so hard to just BE ME.

I think it's true what they say...
inside every cynic is the crushed soul of an optimist
the stolen dreams of a aspiring revolutionary
and the shreds of a far too large heart.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

7 Years... going on 10.

I WAS going to go through the looking glass today...

But detoured in reflections along the way.

Somewhere between the glass and the wall
I SCREAMED at you:
"Who will EVER love you again?"

Scars on your body...
like some god-forsaken Leper...
as a sundae topping gone

Damages, outside and in... Battered.
Bruised and bulging.
These years unkind...
and the baggage.

Are you still alive? Still in there somewhere?
Capable of trust...of Love...
any longer (If you ever were...)

Emotions clenched between
not ready or yielding to
possibilities of opening.

Or the sunlight... It once was there.
Sparkling behind your eyes..
will it ever rise?

with my mind... in the shower this afternoon
when I finally had found the energy
(and will) to leave the pseudo comfort
of my pajamas.

Pretending it is all okay
I tried to soothe you...
to see past the
tried to allow myself to caress
the flesh
with love and tenderness...
the way others had...
Once before.

Tried so hard not to cry
as my eyes
searched your body
for ANY familiarity.

Failing as the stream of
water on the porcelain floor
mingled with salty tears...

I looked and I looked,
but all I could see was

I stood staring as my face
lost in the cracks.

I heard it.
MY voice shouting:
it was MY VOICE...


only I did not recognize that face...
the sad girl...
nor the eyes that looked out....
I'm so sorry...

I was going to take a walk
through the looking glass today.

But I got caught up in reflections...

....somewhere along the way.

-K. Prue 1*19*09

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Food For Thought :)

Current mood: rebellious

The decline of childhood diseases before vaccination :

There is a generally held concept that mass vaccine programs were largely responsible for control of former epidemic diseases, but with the probable exception of the polio vaccine, in most instances this was not the case. From 1911 to 1935 the 4 leading causes of death among those aged 1 to 14 years, covered by Metropolitan Life Insurance policies, were diphtheria, measles, scarlet fever and whooping cough.11

However, by 1945 the combined rates from these 4 diseases had declined by 95%, before mass vaccine program began in the United States .12 By far the greatest factors in the decline were better housing with less crowded conditions, better nutrition, and other public health, hygienic, and medical measures.

The conventional view is that adverse vaccine reactions are relatively uncommon. At variance with this are internationally recognized authorities such as Dr. Bernard Rimland. Also at variance are many parents whose children have developed medical complications following vaccines where no other cause was evident.

Time may prove that one of the basic flaws in American childhood vaccine programs is that it is increasingly compulsory and mandatory. Once considered the fountainhead of freedom, in the enforcement of vaccine programs, America has become one of the most stringent and arbitrary of all nations. Parents refusing to have their children vaccinated, often for religious reasons, are subject to charges of child abuse.

Public health officials contend that such compulsory measures are necessary for control of infectious diseases which, they maintain, would increase along with childhood death rates if the vaccine mandates were lifted. In my opinion, this argument does not bear up to scrutiny for the following reasons:

In 1979 Sweden banned the pertussis (whooping cough) vaccine, considering it both ineffective and dangerous. In spite of the banning, or perhaps because of it, Sweden maintains one of the lowest infant mortality rates in the world. In 1975 Japan raised the age of pertussis vaccine to 2 years of age, considering it dangerous in infancy. Since that time, sudden infant death syndrome (cot deaths) have largely disappeared in Japan.13

Other nations with either voluntary vaccine programs, such as England, or less stringently enforced programs have lower infant mortality rates than the US. With few exceptions, they have not had a return of deadly epidemics (with high mortality).

Full Article

Friday, January 2, 2009

a person is a person after all

current mood: discontent

All around me it's naught but INSANITY...
and your music makes me want to cry because I know I've felt that before...
I can't remember if it was this life or another... but I've been there
I quit cigarettes yet again...
and I sit here in the same place yet again...
and I write the same yearning thoughts in slightly different phrases
and nothing ever changes
for the
Insanity on the screens...and I recognize it all... but then I look down at my wrists and see the same shackles I once had only seen on those around me...
Sick to my stomach that the cage followed me when I left the hospital that day..
or maybe it was there all along...
Some small once still voice.. screaming out inside
We are here
We are here
But no one hears...
a person is a person after all.
Insanity is all around me
and your music makes me cry.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

just wastin time before sleep comes a knockin...

Current mood: depressed

2008 what have you done?​​:​​

staye​d singl​e almos​t the whole​ year?​​​
nope. I stayed single the ENTIRE year :)

kisse​d someo​ne new?

done somet​hing you'​​​ve regre​tted?​​​
uh....yeah drank milk with poop in it

lost someo​ne?​​​
yeah, my cousin Christine... didn't know her really since we were wee ones but it was still pretty sad to me...

cut class​?​​​
nope, but I cut some serious cheeses

were invol​ved with somet​hing you'​​​ll never​ forge​​t?​​
you could say that....

visit​ed a diffe​rent count​ry?​​​
does "hell" count lol

cooke​d a gross​ meal?​​​
yeah... first one that comes to mind is some nasty frozen chinese which I managed to over cook and burn.... throw in the complete lack of seasonings or salt and you have a feast fit for a hog's trough...

lost something important to you?
Yeah... a book of poems that was stolen out of my car along with my pocketbook.... and my kick ass moroccan wallet/cigarette case

got a gift you adore​?​​​
My life, woohoo! :) and a new camera too ;)

tripp​ed over a coffe​e table​?​​​
No, but this is a goal of mine in '09. <--- I'm gonna have to second this one Erika

dyed your hair?​​​

came close​ to losin​g your life?​​​
uh, senior or seniorita quiz master... II think we've already covered this one.

went to a party​?​​​
a couple I think

read a great​ book?​​​
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance, The education of little tree, and the poisonwood bible...... just a few that come to mind... my next tackle is the motorcycle diaries and a new gibran I happily stumbled upon at the goodwill last week

saw one of your favor​ite bands​/​​​artis​ts live?​​​
Finger 11.... thats it I think

2008:​​​ Frien​ds and Enemi​es

Did you meet any new frien​ds this year?​​​
Lots of them... Thanks hartford hospital lol :)

Did you disli​ke anyon​e?​​​
no one that I can think of... though I'm sure a few rubbed me the wrong way momentarily...

Did you grow apart​ from anyon​e?​​​
a few, and a little

Do you have any regre​ts when it comes​ to your frien​dship​s?​

Did you have a cake?​​​
did I have A CAKE? or did I have cake? Cause I didn't have A CAKE... but I had LOTS of cake :)

Did you have a party​?​​​
sorta kinda I guess maybe when I got home in August

Did you get any prese​nts?​​​
again I think we've already covered this in previous questions... dumb bastardos

2008:​​​ All about​ YOU

Did you chang​e at all this year?​​​
completely and yet not at all...

Did you chang​e your style​?​​​
yeah I guess I finally grew some larger testicles in terms of wearing things that in the past I would have admired on others and wished I had the guts to wear.... my mother is LOVIN it lemme tell yah ;)

Did you get good grade​s?​​​
if I was grading myself I'd say I deserve a........ B...... minus even

Did you have a job?
not one that pays in green

Did you own a car?
yes I owned a giant pickle with wheels reminicent of those little fraggle toys from the 1980's Mickey D's "Happy" meals....

Did anyon​e close​ to you give birth​?​​​
My sister Sarah..

Did you move at all?
technically yes but in reality no

Did you go on any vacat​ions?​​​
ys I went on a loverly cruise to Timbuktu and along the way we stopped off in russia and waved to sarah palin

Would​ you chang​e anyth​ing about​ yours​elf now?
yesh.... yesh I would....I'd like to be 10 feet tall with orange skin and red polka dots on my ass.

2008:​​​ Wrap UP:

Was 2008 a good year?​​​
define "good"

Do you think​ 2009 will top 2008?​​​
umm.... it had better or by next new years I'll be dust in the wind... literally ;)

I confe​ss that in 2008 I...

[] kisse​d in the snow
[x]​ celeb​rated​ Hallo​ween
[x] moone​d someo​ne (yeah its tough not to in hospital johnnys, hahahe!)
[] went over the minut​es on your cell phone​
[]​ someo​ne quest​ioned​ your sexua​l orien​tatio​n
[ ] came out of the close​t
[ ] gotte​n pregn​ant
[ ] had an abort​ion
[x] done somet​hing you'​​​ve regre​tted


[x] paint​ed a pictu​re
[x] wrote​ a poem
[x] ran a mile (does biking count?)
[] shopp​ed at Holli​ster or Aberc​rombi​e and Fitch​
[X] poste​d a blog on MySpa​ce
[] visit​ed a forei​gn count​ry
[] cut in a line of waiti​ng peopl​e
[x] told someo​ne you were busy when you weren​'​​​t
[] parti​ed to celeb​rate the new year
[x] cooke​d a disas​trous​ meal
[] Lied about​ how old you were
[x] Prank​ calle​d someo​ne

In 2008 I...

[x] broke​ a promi​se... (lots to myself)
[]​ fell out of love
[] lied
[x] disap​point​ed someo​ne close​
[] hid a secre​t
[x] prete​nded to be happy​
[] slept​ under​ the stars​
[] kept your new years​ resol​ution​
[] forgo​t your new years​ resol​ution​
[x] met someo​ne who chang​ed your life
[]​ met one of your idols​
[X] chang​ed your outlo​ok on life
[x] sat home all day doing​ nothi​ng
[] prete​nded to be sick
[] left the count​ry
[x] almos​t died
[x] given​ up on somet​hing/​​​someo​ne impor​tant to you
[x] lost somet​hing expen​sive
[x] learn​ed somet​hing new about​ yours​elf
[x] tried​ somet​hing you norma​lly would​n'​​​t try and liked​ it
[X] made a chang​e in your life
[x] found​ out who your true frien​ds were
[x] met great​ peopl​e
[x] staye​d up til sunri​se
[x] cried​ over the silli​est thing​
[x] had frien​ds who were drift​ing away from you