Friday, June 30, 2006

random bits of my strange day...and mind ;)

Current mood: exhausted

Random musings from the mind of Kalee:

So I almost passed out at work today, out of nowhere I was talking to a customer and things got blurry, ringing in my ears, cold sweats...extremely dizzy and couldn't think.. I ran to the nearest chair feeling like I was gonna puke or passout or a little of both for 5 minutes.... then it passed... Still feel a bit shakey mostly cause it scared the crap outta me! I called out of my other job tonight cause the heat and food grease in the air was the last thing i felt like dealing with tonight... lost 50 bucks for the night from not going in but oh well... I left work for an hour and went to my Doc, he said it was from my blood sugar level and I was slightly dehydrated too... I'll have to try and stay more hydrated and snacking all day i guess.. I've never passed out before or even come close, it SUCKS! Its just so hard some days to remember to drink water.. I get so busy, and i'm running around, and have a million and a half things on my mind...and these days, my memory is mush.. from what I've read and heard, the brain farts will pass once the pregnancy is done..I sure hope so, cause even little things like remembering to take my viatmins, drink water, and where I put my pocketbook, keys, etc is about all I can handle right now... and I used to have STELLAR memory!! anyways.. I'm a little bummed tonight, not sure why.... but its all good.. keepin my chin up and pushing forward.. hope everyone has a great weekend! I get to go to a picnic/party at a friends, I'm looking forward to that.. Haven't had a day off with something fun scheduled in quite a while.. I haven't even gotten a chance to wear a pair of shorts yet, always wearing my work clothes or jeans cause its crappy out... I am prayin for sunny skies on sunday... Sooo.. thats all for now.. have a great night, and a great weekend my friends!!

this song makes me wanna cry inside...but it helps me get through tough moments:

"I Grieve"

it was only one hour ago
it was all so different then
there's nothing yet has really sunk in
looks like it always did
this flesh and bone
it's just the way that you would tied in
now there's no-one home

i grieve for you
you leave me
'so hard to move on
still loving what's gone
they say life carries on
carries on and on and on and on

the news that truly shocks is the empty empty page
while the final rattle rocks its empty empty cage
and i can't handle this

i grieve for you
you leave me
let it out and move on
missing what's gone
they say life carries on
they say life carries on and on and on

life carries on
in the people i meet
in everyone that's out on the street
in all the dogs and cats
in the flies and rats
in the rot and the rust
in the ashes and the dust
life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on

it's just the car that we ride in
a home we reside in
the face that we hide in
the way we are tied in
and life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on

did I dream this belief?
or did i believe this dream?
now i can find relief
i grieve

Currently listening:
By Peter Gabriel
Release date: 07 May, 2002

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Good days make me grin :)

Current mood: peaceful

Its one of those days.. and I needed it.. yesterday was the opposite in the morning.. yesterday I woke up and everything seemed to go wrong and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and go back to sleep...or cry. by the afternoon..I chilled out...I stopped getting so fluster about everything.. I'm learning to stop taking this shit so seriously.. its just a out of a million I could have..I don't want to be an irrisponsible child.. but I am one person... I can only accomplish so much in one day.....This morning...could have been another shitty morning, 1st thing at work I had unexpected corporate guests... Ran around like a maniac trying to straighten out everything, had the employees running around too... and we still didn't rate too well... oh well.. yah know.. I just didn't let it get to me.. everything in my day that could have made me angry, upset, or sad.. from work to writing an emotional message 20 minutes ago.. I still feel light, and above it all.. These days, I'm trying to focus on all that fills me with happiness... the kids I work with who make me laugh half the day, and the awesome single mom who is tougher than nails but with a heart of pure gold who I work with that gives me reason to smile and hold my head up high every day I talk to her. My hysterically sarcastic sister-in-law who makes me laugh out loud like a hyhena at my computer by her ridiculous comments (I miss you sarah!)... My kick ass doctor that doesn't make me feel stupid for crying when I hear Lennon's heartbeat every damn week, encourages me to be mentally and spiritually healthy as well as the physical, and answers my overly anxious questions like "will listening to loud music hurt his ears or make him deaf?" in silly ways but without making me feel stupid for even asking... My mom who traded mattresses with me so I can sleep better, puts up with my tears and joins me in my smiles, and has been an inspiration throughout my life, and especially now as we become more and more bonded by the journey of motherhood... My sisters who remind me not to take myself or life to seriously... My beautiful baby who is shy to have his picture taken, wiggles in time to good music, and tickles me from the inside.. fills me with hope for the future and gives me a reason to pray for a long and healthy life...I can't wait to see his face and hold him for the first time in my arms... My brother Joe who by what he has chosen with his life (his adopted girls and their mother) gives me hope for a partner for myself and a daddy for my child, no matter what his biological father chooses and is my HERO! And all my aquaintances in life and on myspace who give me acedotes, inspiration, and encouragement everyday on how to roll with the punches of life and be soft enough to feel joy and love and yet not be broken by the hard knocks...

prime examples: I am up for a promotion at would pay a bit better...lots more responsibility, lots more time, and lots more of a commute, but if I could save somemore money for my maternity leave that would rock... Even that way or the other, I am just realizing, I have no control over wether I get it or am passed by for it... If I get it "okay, cool" If not "okay, cool" either way, I'm not gonna let it move me from feeling calm, and at ease with where I am in life..

Same thing with the letter I just wrote to the person who knows exactly what I'm talking about... no matter what you do, what you choose, its okay, I will survive and I will live a life of uncommon joy and understanding...I know this. I spent so long in this relationship trying to control the outcome.. trying to tailor my words and my actions to help you be who I hoped you could be.. trying to watch my own every move so as to not trigger your behaviors... I can't live life wound up like a loaded gun, always on the edge waiting for the whole structure to collapse... Love sometimes means letting go of the outcome.. though I believe and always will believe that you could be so much better than you've been, I no longer am going to try and push you to be that.. live your own life, and I'm living mine......I can only be happy enough for me...your happiness is your own choice...

like I have heard and said so many times before... I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now... No matter what happens.... Life is good, life is an adventure, and life is just. All will be right in the end. I hope everyone else out there feels the peace that I feel in my life these days...

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way."

Monday, June 26, 2006

fuck it. girls are awesome...

Current mood: happy

Yay for short workdays =)

So I had made my myspace profile private so a certain obsessive and scary crazy exboyfriend would leave me alone.. and I was gonna leave it like that but: I have met so many cool people on here, I'm enjoying making new friends and getting random messages from well wishers... yeah, so I don't want him keeping tabs on my life... and in addition all the creepy "pregnant women are so sexy" guys that keep contacting me suck ass... but: I don't think I want to lose out on meeting all the cool people I've met on here and have yet to meet... Fuck exboyfriends.. I don't care if he visits my profile 10 or even 50 times a day ( and I know you do by the way.. I have a profile tracker). I'm just going to be the bigger person and ignore his ridiculous comments and messages... and if I decide to make my profile private someday it will be for a better reason than anything to do with HIM. By the way: Thanks Amy (beatiful comments... you made me cry...), and Sarah, and Lindsay, and Karen and Madelyn, and Stephanie, and Angela, and Jenn and all the other awesome girls out there that are helping so much with your kind words and your encouragement.. You guys are awesome.. and I feel so much stronger, and more empowered just by knowing you all.... I am so grateful for all of the amazing people in my life... Anyways, I'm off to finish my day! Hope everyone elses is great too! I'm so excited for tommorrow.. I get to see baby Lennon on ultrasound again.. he has grown so much the past few weeks.. I feel him moving almost all the time now!! Can't wait to see his beautiful face..and hands...and feet..and belly..... and............ :) Take care and be good my friends!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I will survive you..

Current mood: determined

"If a blade of grass can grow in a concrete walkway, and a fig tree in the side of a mountain cliff, a human being empowered with an invincible faith can survive all odds the world can throw at his tortured soul"

-Robert Harold Schuller

Currently listening:
By Randy Collins
Release date: 01 January, 2006


Current mood: disappointed

To you: If you only knew what you threw away... I'm done begging and waiting for you to see... I've given up.. you are on your own... I'm moving on... you should too... so long.

Love always
just yet another ex-girlfriend

Love and distance...

Current mood: tired

... I just had a pretty damn good day today.. worked a short but productive day... I have a car at my disposal now... so I had some nice alone "me" time on my drive there and home.. went to see my sister whom I hardly ever get to hang out with... She did another photo shoot for me which was fun... Then her boyfriend made us dinner, which was PHENOMENAL! I am not a big fan of steak usually.. But HOLY COW, that beef was da bomb, and the grilled potatoes too! =+).. Paul, in the unlikely event that you actually read this blog, Your in the wrong line of work! You need to open a gourmet resturaunt boy!! Anyways.. The rest of my evening was spent watching some amazing music by a few local artists.. One in particular... always leaves me mesmerized and speechless with his guitar... I finally got the CD so I'm happy, and it was a great end to a good day... All that said... life is going pretty well... I will post my new preg pics soon... Take care everyone!!!!

and to you: I think I have a name for our son... Lennon..... I have another ultrasound on are missed... Wish you were here.... wish you were well... still waiting.... love, me

"Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet"

Currently listening:
November Rain
By Guns N' Roses
Release date: 21 November, 1996

Thursday, June 22, 2006

True colors coming out in full force

Current mood: sick

guess I wasn't trashy or disturbed enough for him...

all I can say is "wow..." and "that is SAD"... yah know.. I'm not even gonna check his pages anymore... all it does is make me sad and turn my stomach... what a waste of love...of life.

Always look on the bright side of life...

Current mood: relaxed

Things that Suck Big Hairy A$$:

Having money being taken out from a paycheck you rightfully earned... going into an account you will never use... and basically kissing 600.00 of hard earned money goodbye, all the while having some snooty bitch telling you "tough shit".

Working 50 hours or more a week standing all day on swollen ankles just to try to save enough money to get your car legal so it doesn't have to sit in a driveway not being driven while you bum rides to work everyday... and sit at home on your days and nights off...with no means of going anywhere or doing anything.. Only to have every goverment and private organization suddenly start crawling out of the woodwork with their hands out for money you owe from days past...

Getting so stressed that you smoked a cigarette yesterday...and a newport to make it worse...and then feeling incredibly horrible and guilty for doing it afterwards...

Getting a letter first thing in this morning from the IRS telling you that a couple years ago, you didn't pay quite enough in taxes and now the federal government would like you to somehow come up with a few hundred dollars.... within a month.

Things that rock... I think this may be an on going list as things come to mind that cheer me up...:

Days off after working 12 days non stop

Sleeping late this morning *yawn* *stretch*

Delicious breakfasts of : Fruit smoothie made with fresh and organic Mango, Banana, and Kiwi, Organic Oat and Honey Granola with yummy organic milk, and Whole wheat english muffin with butter and lemon curd... *mmmmmmmm* which I'm gonna go eat right now...

Random friends requests and messages from seemingly chill and cool people...

Relaxing in a warm shower for half an hour...without feeling rushed, or running late to be anywhere for once! Especially nice when you just splurged and bought yourself some wonderfully natural and beautifully scented soap and shampoo... and have freshly cleaned, comfy clothes to put on afterwards

Making calls to insurance companys, tax collectors, and all the other boring calls and stuff i've been putting off...not really the part about making them...just the feeling of accomplishing something with my day that I've been putting off too long...

Compliments, messages, and comments from genuine, well meaning, and sweet people

Painting a picture inspired by my baby... which I am about to do...

Listening to music that inspires me... My playlist is so freakin awesome right now...

Yummy burritos! :)

my mom :)

Hot mustard and sweet N sour sauce at McDonalds (i know...ewww McDonalds.. but those sauces on fresh hot fries...delich)

Sitting back relaxing and doing not much of anything after a long day of relaxing and not doing much of anything

sitting still and feeling him wiggling around inside my belly

Currently listening:
The Meaning of Life
By Monty Python
Release date: 30 August, 1994

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Current mood: indescribable

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world."
- George Washington Carver

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them."
- Mark Twain

"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
-Abraham Lincoln

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
-Thich Nhat Hahn

"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways."
-Stephen Vincent Benét

"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"While it is true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way."

"No one is to be called an enemy, all are your benefactors, and no one does you harm. You have no enemy except yourselves."
-St. Francis of Assisi

"Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self."
-St. Francis of Assisi

"For it is in giving that we receive."
-St. Francis of Assisi

"You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!"
-John Lennon

"If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal."
-John Lennon

"I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong."
-John Lennon

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."
John Lennon

"Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see"
-John Lennon

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
-John Lennon

"It's fear of the unknown. The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that--it's all illusion. Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown and it's plain sailing. Everything is unknown--then you're ahead of the game. That's what it is. Right?
-John Lennon

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

God has no religion

An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.

"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.
-Abraham Lincoln

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward
-Abraham Lincoln

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
-Abraham Lincoln

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right
-Abraham Lincoln

"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.
-Abraham Lincoln

"With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die
-Abraham Lincoln

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves"

However many holy words you read,However many you speak,What good will they do you If you do not act on upon them?

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul.

No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Currently listening:
By John Lennon
Release date: 03 November, 1998

He's gettin fiesty =)

Current mood: excited

Baby is movin so much lately..and gettin stronger by the day! He'll be kickin me in the ribs in no time now =P awesome! Feeling the movement of your own child from within you is AMAZING! can't even describe it..... Anyways...have a good night everyone...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

you brighten my day...

Current mood: happy

I love people who can make me smile...make me laugh... make me feel happy...understood...and just generally brighten up my day... even better is when its someone you get to see often... and awesome is when its a good lookin guy! Though you'll probably never read this, Thanks! You are adorable and sweet, my friend! And here's sending some good vibes your way! ;) Don't ever let the world ruin you, there are too few good and genuine people in it as it is!

Currently listening:
Legs to Make Us Longer
By Kaki King
Release date: 05 October, 2004

Monday, June 19, 2006

Gotta love the "Myspace face"

Current mood: chipper

Random thoughts...

Why is it so damn easy to sit and eat a pound of organic strawberries??? They taste so good I almost think I should feel if I just ate a quart of ice cream or something... FRUIT ROCKS! and the organic kind.. EVEN MORE SO! ummm.. more randomness... I am the boss now at my job... and the past two weeks this older guy (total politician type) has been giving me shit.. I wrote him up already...and now he pretends to be nice...but the guy still dislikes me..or at least having a MUCH younger female calling the shots... Ah well tough shit for him.. I don't follow him home and tell him when and how to wipe his ass so i guess he's gonna have to deal with it... Its just strange being boss for a change... don't get me wrong..I'm still at the bottom of the food chain, but at least I'm a notch or two higher off the ground now... Anyways.. It's got me thinking alot lately about how much of a pain in the ass I must have been at some (if not of my other jobs... I dislike authority... A LOT! and that is an understatement... and I know I defeintly gave my supervisors a lot of headaches...I just don't like being told what to do, especially by some big mouthed bitch, or some jack ass who brown nosed his way to the top.... Anyways... in light of me now getting to be that big mouthed bitch.. I've begun rethinking my previous attitudes towards authority... And I've come to only one conclusion... I don't like being bossed around... and I don't like being the boss... I don';t like being told what to do...But I don't like telling people what to do... It doesn't sit right with me that one person has to sit there and tell another person what to do.... It sucks being on either end.. wether you are the idiot sitting there listening to the company propaganda being fed to you.. or the idiot sitting there feeding the propoganda.... its all shit either way... every human being should be able to decide what, when, where, and how.. to live their own life. Back to my blog last sucks... To make these random musings even more random... I ran into one of my former supervisors a couple days ago.. and I saw another one in the grocery store today across an isle.. both times the thought popped into my head that I should go apologize for all the shit I gave'm when we worked together... But i didn't... oh well, but maybe that was god givin me a chance to clear up some bad karma..

More randomness I wanna rant about for a minute... WHy is it that nearly every shallow, cheesed out, plastic, cookie cutter personality, sleazeball, clueless, freaky ass girl on myspace is friends with my ex now??? I almost think I should be offended that his taste is so bad... but then maybe his taste just got bad now Post-Kalee... or maybe he just goes through random girls profiles without reading them clicking "add to friends" just cause they have a "hot" picture with their titties hangin out and their washed out "myspace faces" (its amazing what the myspace face can do for acne! lol!)... and somehow he thinks that makes life all better... I dunno.. It just baffles me that for someone who was so worried that their girlfriend would cheat on them, when I am sooo the least likely person ever to do that... he now surrounds himself with exactly the type of flake who would do that (at least in the world of computers)... guess its all about the self fullfilling prophecys... Anyways.. I just had to share that thought...

Another randomness.. I decided today that men are not worth the hassle.. This last one is taking far too much of my energy even still... though i suppose at this point I'm doing it to myself prolonging the torture by continuing to give a shit what he does with himself when I should ( and will one of these days) just say the hell with him... So anyways, due to this amazing realization I had that most men are just not worth the effort of falling in love... I decided I am no longer dating, having boyfriends, or falling in love. I'm just gonna revert back to elementary school... I'm gonna have many crushes.. those guys I would never seriously consider anything with for whatever particular reson..but that are cute, or sweet, or just plain fun to flirt with... Harmless eye candy.. thats all... I've got a few I think I'm just gonna keep crushing and forget about all this grown up relationship crap.. In the world of men and women, sex, love, marriage, divorce..... today I am making this announcement: I am 9 years old again. ;) Until that day when/or if I meet a man who can prove me wrong and actually be worth my time, my effort, and most importantly: My Heart.

More randomness: working a 12 hour day followed by a 15 hour day, while pregnant SUCKS! I think the swelling in my legs and feet just finally started to go down after a day off, and a 6 hour day since then.... I have a feeling that for the rest of the summer I'm not really gonna have ankles... Just legs that merge into feet ;) Ah well...thats how it goes....

And one last thing: Life is strange.

Currently listening:
By Randy Collins
Release date: 01 January, 2006

Sunday, June 18, 2006

on fathers....

Current mood: grateful

Fathers Day: My first thought today... Father? what does this word mean... in this world... in this culture... to you? to me? Who exactly gets to wear this title?? I have never called my father "father"... He has always been Dad..or even more affectionately "daddy"... He has raised 6 children... sacrificed the foolish dreams of his youth for something real. A chance to love unselfishly... the thankless job of raising children... My dad is an amazing man... those days when he is grouchy and stubborn and I'm tempted to yell back and forth with him..I try and remind myself of how much he has been through.. and how I wouldn't be half the person I am if it weren't for him (And I mean WAY MORE than just biologically)... My dad MOST definetly deserves his title.... I Love you Dad!!

But what about the others... The sperm donors of the world? I woke up this morning with a girl in my mind... not a girl I knew very well, I hadn't really seen her since I was probably 14 or maybe even younger... My cousin "C". She was one of five children...born to my uncle (who was one of five) and his wife... I don't know much of their story except the little I heard over the years from my family... What I do know is this: My uncle one day decided that he didn't want a family ( the 5 kids ranged between 13 and 3) and up and left his home never to look back... Their mother did the best she could trying to raise them... but in spite of her best efforts she was bipolar... and one day in a state of depression a few years ago she took her own life... My family tracked down my uncle who is living the single carefree bachelors life and told him what had happened and that his children (now between 20 and 10) need a parent... Did he take his second chance to be a father...nope... He responded that he "has no family" and went about his merry way... The oldest daughter "C" moved back to her mothers house and spent the past 5 years taking care of her 3 sisters and brother... Now a month or so ago my family got word that my cousin "C" had been picked up by the police, and was showing extreme signs of paranoia, delusions, and sounded pretty much in a state of extreme mental deterioration... Once again, her father was informed... Did he care this time??? His daughter was out wandering the streets, in a state of mental breakdown... he did nothing.. his third chance to prove he deserved the beautiful children god gave him... Two days ago I found out my cousin died... I'm not sure of the details... but one thing I am sure of is that her death could have been prevented... this poor girl lived a mere 26 years.. and in that 26 years went through heartaches that I can't even imagine... Abandoned not once....not twice...but three times by her father... and watching her mother struggle against her inner demons, while trying to raise 5 children... only to suffer a breakdown, and alone, end up dead... WHY?? Would it have made a difference if her father had stayed?? Would it have made a difference if he had come to her aid when he had the opportunities to??? I don't know... But that man donated sperm...donated half of his genetics to not one...but FIVE human beings that he abandoned.. with no conscience...not an ounce of concern for their well being... That man does NOT deserve the title of father..

Another example.... the "father" to the two beautiful little girls that my little brother is raising right now... A man who cheated on then ran off on their mother for a 17 year old.. left his 3 and 5 year old beautiful blonde angelic daughters.. hasn't seen them since God knows when...and just recently informed their mother that he no longer intends to pay child support... (I say "good" to that, I'd tell the bastard to keep his money.. I'm not taking his money to help him ease his guilt.. Money is NOT what a child needs... Money does NOT make you a father...) My little brother takes care of those girls like they are his own flesh and blood... I don't think he could love them anymore than he does, and I don't think he could be a better father than he is... It AMAZES me everytime I see it.. He gave up his "youth" at 21 years old to get a house with a woman several years his senior, and raise her two children with her... THAT IS LOVE! THAT IS A FATHER! My little brother Joe is my hero. I have never seen a more devoted father than the one I watched goofing around with his two little blonde daughters today... Those girls are yet another example of proof of Gods existance to me... God gave those angels to their parents... their father walked away.. So God gave them Joe, cause he knew he was a real man.

Of all the fathers I know that biologically donated sperm to their children... I know very few who deserve the honor of being called daddy... I guess what it comes down to is this... Anyone with a penis can be a "father"... but it takes a real man to be a Daddy. So... To all the fathers out there who did nothing more than spred some seed around... "Good riddance" and you will have to face yourself on your own personal day of reckoning... and you will know that you had the most beautiful gift possible handed to you, and you threw it away... To those Daddys out there who love nothing better than to chase their toddler around the yard...tickling...giggling... teaching them to ride bikes... building sand castles.. or even just being there at night to tuck him in and with a kiss remind him that you love him... Though you need no pat on the back...fatherhood is its own reward: YOU GUYS ROCK! HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

P.S. To all the single mothers...playing the dual role of Mommy/Daddy: Happy Fathers day too!!! Much love to you!

P.P.S. To all the single fathers... Also playing the dual role... You are the epitomy of an amazing human being... Happy Fathers Day!

Currently reading:
100,000 + Baby Names : The Most Complete Baby Name Book
By Bruce Lansky
Release date: 07 February, 2006

Prisoner of the mind...

Current mood: mellow

"You see, " said Aslan. "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out."

-From "The Last Battle" -The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis

Currently reading:
The Chronicles of Narnia Boxed Set
By C.S. Lewis
Release date: 08 July, 1994

Thursday, June 15, 2006


Current mood:sad...but still looking forward...

Its funny... that some people can't even see how much you love them, and how everything you do is for their own good...out of love... its funny that those things you mean with the purest intention to better someone's life, become the very acts that they believe prove that you are full of nothing but hate and spite...its amazing how fucked up life can be...or at least the perception we see it through. Amazing...and sad... oh well.. I'd rather love, and love with all my heart...I'd rather not give up on someone, and keep trying with all I have the ability to do to help them... I'd rather keep shining light in his direction, even if he never sees, than give up on love.... I'd rather be thought a mouse and know inside that I am really a lioness.. I always knew that one day I'd stop listening to your bull.. I'd stop indulging your delusions.. and I'd stop feeding your ego...and I knew that from that day on you would come to hate me.. that I'd be just another bitch like all the rest... I was different, and we could have been real... but as see only what you want to see.. only what makes you right... righteous... only what will justify your behaviors... so afraid to ever be wrong, that you no longer know the difference between the reality of the world and the lives around you..and the products of your own tormented mind... And maybe in a way you are just like me... Mybe we are both crazy..maybe thats why we clung to each other so desperately for a time... And maybe its over now, and will never be what I dreamed it could be... what we spoke of having, or being... But I know I'd rather Love you than Hate you... and I always will.


Current mood: contemplative

A Metaphor for the world in which we live.. written by a Brilliant author, and one of the most open eyed men of the 20th century... dare to read on and understand...

IN the last days of Narnia, far up to the west beyond Lantern Waste and close beside the great waterfall, there lived an Ape. He was so old that no one could remember when he had first come to live in those parts, and he was the cleverest, ugliest, most wrinkled Ape you can imagine. He had a little house, built of wood and thatched with leaves, up in the fork of a great tree, and his name was Shift. There were very few Talking Beasts or Men or Dwarfs, or people of any sort, in that part of the wood, but Shift had one friend and neighbour who was a donkey called Puzzle. At least they both said they were friends, but from the way things went on you might have thought Puzzle was more like Shift's servant than his friend. He did all the work. When they went together to the river, Shift filled the big skin bottles with water but it was Puzzle who carried them back. When they wanted anything from the towns further down the river it was Puzzle who went down with empty panniers on his back and came back with the panniers full and heavy. And all the nicest things that Puzzle brought back were eaten by Shift; for as Shift said, "You see, Puzzle, I can't eat grass and thistles like you, so it's only fair I should make it up in other ways." And Puzzle always said, "Of course, Shift, of course. I see that." Puzzle never complained, because he knew that Shift was far cleverer than himself and he thought it was very kind of Shift to be friends with him at all. And if ever Puzzle did try to argue about anything, Shift would always say, "Now, Puzzle, I understand what needs to be done better than you. You know you're not clever, Puzzle." And Puzzle always said, "No, Shift. It's quite true. I'm not clever." Then he would sigh and do whatever Shift had said.

One morning early in the year the pair of them were out walking along the shore of Caldron Pool. Caldron Pool is the big pool right under the cliffs at the western end of Narnia. The great waterfall pours down into it with a noise like everlasting thunder, and the River of Narnia flows out on the other side. The waterfall keeps the Pool always dancing and bubbling and churning round and round as if it were on the boil, and that of course is how it got its name of Caldron Pool. It is liveliest in the early spring when the waterfall is swollen with all the snow that has melted off the mountains from up beyond Narnia in the Western Wild from which the river comes. And as they looked at Caldron Pool Shift suddenly pointed with his dark, skinny finger and said,

"Look! What's that?"

"What's what?" said Puzzle.

"That yellow thing that's just come down the waterfall. Look! There it is again, it's floating. We must find out what it is."

"Must we?" said Puzzle.

"Of course we must," said Shift. "It may be something useful. Just hop into the Pool like a good fellow and fish it out. Then we can have a proper look at it."

"Hop into the Pool?" said Puzzle, twitching his long ears.

"Well how are we to get it if you don't?" said the Ape.

"But - but," said Puzzle, "wouldn't it be better if you went in? Because, you see, it's you who wants to know what it is, and I don't much. And you've got hands, you see. You're as good as a Man or a Dwarf when it comes to catching hold of things. I've only got hoofs."

"Really, Puzzle," said Shift, "I didn't think you'd ever say a thing like that. I didn't think it of you, really."

"Why, what have I said wrong?" said the Ass, speaking in rather a humble voice, for he saw that Shift was very deeply offended. "All I meant was -"

"Wanting me to go into the water," said the Ape. "As if you didn't know perfectly well what weak chests Apes always have and how easily they catch cold! Very well. I will go in. I'm feeling cold enough already in this cruel wind. But I'll go in. I shall probably die. Then you'll be sorry." And Shift's voice sounded as if he was just going to burst into tears.

"Please don't, please don't, please don't," said Puzzle, half braying, and half talking. "I never meant anything of the sort, Shift, really I didn't. You know how stupid I am and how I can't think of more than one thing at a time. I'd forgotten about your weak chest. Of course I'll go in. You mustn't think of doing it yourself. Promise me you won't, Shift."

So Shift promised, and Puzzle went cloppety-clop on his four hoofs round the rocky edge of the Pool to find a place where he could get in. Quite apart from the cold it was no joke getting into that quivering and foaming water, and Puzzle had to stand and shiver for a whole minute before he made up his mind to do it. But then Shift called out from behind him and said: "Perhaps I'd better do it after all, Puzzle." And when Puzzle heard that he said, "No, no. You promised. I'm in now," and in he went.

A great mass of foam got him in the face and filled his mouth with water and blinded him. Then he went under altogether for a few seconds, and when he came up again he was in quite another part of the Pool. Then the swirl caught him and carried him round and round and faster and faster till it took him right under the waterfall itself, and the force of the water plunged him down, deep down, so that he thought he would never be

able to hold his breath till he came up again. And when he had come up and when at last he got somewhere near the thing he was trying to catch, it sailed away from him till it too got under the fall and was forced down to the bottom. When it came up again it was further from him than ever. But at last, when he was almost tired to death, and bruised all over and numb with cold, he succeeded in gripping the thing with his teeth. And out he came carrying it in front of him and getting his front hoofs tangled up in it, for it was as big as a large hearthrug, and it was very heavy and cold and slimy.

He flung it down in front of Shift and stood dripping and shivering and trying to get his breath back. But the Ape never looked at him or asked him how he felt. The Ape was too busy going round and round the Thing and spreading it out and patting it and smelling it. Then a wicked gleam came into his eye and he said:

"It is a lion's skin."

"Ee - auh - auh - oh, is it?" gasped Puzzle.

"Now I wonder . . . I wonder . . . I wonder," said Shift to himself, for he was thinking very hard.

"I wonder who killed the poor lion," said Puzzle presently. "It ought to be buried. We must have a funeral."

"Oh, it wasn't a Talking Lion," said Shift. "You needn't bother about that. There are no Talking Beasts up beyond the Falls, up in the Western Wild. This skin must have belonged to a dumb, wild lion."

This, by the way, was true. A Hunter, a Man, had killed and skinned this lion somewhere up in the Western Wild several months before. But that doesn't come into this story.

"All the same, Shift," said Puzzle, "even if the skin only belonged to a dumb, wild lion, oughtn't we to give it a decent burial? I mean, aren't all lions rather - well, rather solemn? Because of you know Who. Don't you see?"

"Don't you start getting ideas into your head, Puzzle," said Shift. "Because, you know, thinking isn't your strong point. We'll make this skin into a fine warm winter coat for you."

"Oh, I don't think I'd like that," said the Donkey. "It would look - I mean, the other Beasts might think - that is to say, I shouldn't feel -"

"What are you talking about?" said Shift, scratching himself the wrong way up as Apes do.

"I don't think it would be respectful to the Great Lion, to Aslan himself, if an ass like me went about dressed up in a lion-skin," said Puzzle.

"Now don't stand arguing, please," said Shift. "What does an ass like you know about things of that sort? You know you're no good at thinking, Puzzle, so why don't you let me do your thinking for you? Why don't you treat me as I treat you? I don't think I can do everything. I know you're better at some things than I am. That's why I let you go into the Pool; I knew you'd do it better than me. But why can't I have my turn when it comes to something I can do and you can't? Am I never to be allowed to do anything? Do be fair. Turn and turn about."

"Oh, well, of course, if you put it that way," said Puzzle.

"I tell you what," said Shift. "You'd better take a good brisk trot down river as far as Chippingford and see if they have any oranges or bananas."

"But I'm so tired, Shift," pleaded Puzzle.

"Yes, but you are very cold and wet," said the Ape. "You want something to warm you up. A brisk trot would be just the thing. Besides, it's market day at Chippingford today." And then of course Puzzle said he would go.

As soon as he was alone Shift went shambling along, sometimes on two paws and sometimes on four, till he reached his own tree. Then he swung himself up from branch to branch, chattering and grinning all the time, and went into his little house. He found needle and thread and a big pair of scissors there; for he was a clever Ape and the Dwarfs had taught him how to sew. He put the ball of thread (it was very thick stuff, more like cord than thread) into his mouth so that his cheek bulged out as if he were sucking a big bit of toffee. He held the needle between his lips and took the scissors in his left paw. Then he came down the tree and shambled across to the lion-skin. He squatted down and got to work.

He saw at once that the body of the lion-skin would be too long for Puzzle and its neck too short. So he cut a good piece out of the body and used it to make a long collar for Puzzle's long neck. Then he cut off the head and sewed the collar in between the head and the shoulders. He put threads on both sides of the skin so that it would tie up under Puzzle's chest and stomach. Every now and then a bird would pass overhead and Shift would stop his work, looking anxiously up. He did not want anyone to see what he was doing. But none of the birds he saw were Talking Birds, so it didn't matter.

Late in the afternoon Puzzle came back. He was not trotting but only plodding patiently along, the way donkeys do.

"There weren't any oranges," he said, "and there weren't any bananas. And I'm very tired." He lay down.

"Come and try on your beautiful new lion-skin coat," said Shift.

"Oh bother that old skin," said Puzzle. "I'll try it on in the morning. I'm too tired tonight."

"You are unkind, Puzzle," said Shift. "If you're tired what do you think I am? All day long, while you've been having a lovely refreshing walk down the valley, I've been working hard to make you a coat. My paws are so tired I can hardly hold these scissors. And you won't say thank you -and you won't even look at the coat -and you don't care - and- and-"

"My dear Shift," said Puzzle getting up at once, "I am so sorry. I've been horrid. Of course I'd love to try it on. And it looks simply splendid. Do try it on me at once. Please do."

"Well, stand still then," said the Ape. The skin was very heavy for him to lift, but in the end, with a lot of pulling and pushing and puffing and blowing, he got it on to the donkey. He tied it underneath Puzzle's body and he tied the legs to Puzzle's legs and the tail to Puzzle's tail. A good deal of Puzzle's grey nose and face could be seen through the open mouth of the lion's head. No one who had ever seen a real lion would have been taken in for a moment. But if someone who had never seen a lion looked at Puzzle in his lion-skin he just might mistake him for a lion, if he didn't come too close, and if the light was not too good, and if Puzzle didn't let out a bray and didn't make any noise with his hoofs.

"You look wonderful, wonderful," said the Ape. "If anyone saw you now, they'd think you were Aslan, the Great Lion, himself."

"That would be dreadful," said Puzzle.

"No it wouldn't," said Shift. "Everyone would do whatever you told them."

"But I don't want to tell them anything."

"But you think of the good we could do!" said Shift. "You'd have me to advise you, you know. I'd think of sensible orders for you to give. And everyone would have to obey us, even the King himself. We would set everything right in Narnia."

"But isn't everything right already?" said Puzzle.

"What!" cried Shift. "Everything right?-when there are no oranges or bananas?"

"Well, you know," said Puzzle, "there aren't many people - in fact, I don't think there's anyone but yourself who wants those sort of things."

"There's sugar too," said Shift.

"H'm yes," said the Ass. "It would be nice if there was more sugar."

"Well then, that's settled," said the Ape. "You will pretend to be Aslan, and I'll tell you what to say."

"No, no, no," said Puzzle. "Don't say such dreadful things. It would be wrong, Shift. I maybe not very clever but I know that much. What would become of us if the real Aslan turned up?"

"I expect he'd be very pleased," said Shift. "Probably he sent us the lion-skin on purpose, so that we could set things to right. Anyway, he never does turn up, you know. Not nowadays."

At that moment there came a great thunderclap right overhead and the ground trembled with a small earthquake. Both the animals lost their balance and were flung on their faces.

"There!" gasped Puzzle, as soon as he had breath to speak. "It's a sign, a warning. I knew we were doing something dreadfully wicked. Take this wretched skin off me at once."

"No, no," said the Ape (whose mind worked very quickly). "It's a sign the other way. I was just going to say that if the real Aslan, as you call him, meant us to go on with this, he would send us a thunderclap and an earth-tremor. It was just on the tip of my tongue, only the sign itself came before I could get the words out. You've got to do it now, Puzzle. And please don't let us have any more arguing. You know you don't understand these things. What could a donkey know about signs?"

~Chapter 1 of "The Last Battle" by C.S. Lewis~

Currently reading:
The Last Battle
By C. S. Lewis
Release date: 08 July, 1994

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

My "why does all employment suck" Rant :)

Current mood: tired

Time to rant =) I dislike being paid shit money to be a freaking babysitter. Why is it that the people who make the big money are the shmucks who sit in an office doing nothing all day...why is it that these very same high paid shmucks can't even keep their shit straight enough to make sure someone is scheduled to give the meeting, when they scheduled 20 people to be at the meeting?? Why is it acceptable for the big money schmucks to suddenly decide with one days notice that they are having a conference call the next day, and expect that all management should be in at 9 in the morning, even if you weren't originally scheduled until that evening...just to sit on the phone and listen to baloney... WHy is it that these very same big money schmucks can decide with one days notice, that the following day all employees are expected to be in for 10...12..15 hours to do an inventory... Why is it that in this world we live in today, human beings are expected to have no life, but work...isn't it supposed to be the other way around... I understand that businesses need to be run, wether small businesses or corporate monstrosities... I understand that sometimes sacrifices need to be made, and sometimes people are called on to go above and beyond the call of duty... I understand that on occassion overtime may be a necessity, or an open to close might be necessary to help out the business when someone is sick and can't make their shift... But my question is this... Why is it always the lowest paid, lest respected, and most disposable people that are expected to give the most, bend the most, and basically be ready to fucking jump when bossman says jump... WHy?? because we are disposable... we are throw away.. If I decided not to show for work tommorrow...someone else would be there within an hour to do my job... If all the people there decided not to come in tommorrow... morning would come and they would be open for business at 9 AM sharp as usual... And its been that way at every job I've ever had... for all the differences... everything from door to door selling slinging selling cell phones... to answering a phone in a sickly happy professional "waste management hold please" the "yes Dr. I would love to stay and type up that report for you while you go run off to the golf course cause while you are a schmuck and its your own damn fault you were running behind all afternoon...YOU are the boss Dr. so go have plans weren't important anyways...."... Its all the SAME! Its the same damn job over and over!!! I need to find something that moves me...something that inspires me...something that fills me with some fucking passion... There are things that do that in this life...unfortunately I haven't quite figured out how to turn them into marketable skills... as it turns out theres not a lot of call for fire spinning, nor spiritual searching...nor poetry writing, or avid readers on the job market....Ah well.. tommorrow is another day... more baby sitting to do...more messes to straighten out.. more company ass to kiss all in the hopes of getting enough respect to someday move up a ladder to a top that doesn't appeal to me in the least... My only consolation when I get so frustrated I wanna throw my hands up and tell everyone to figure out their own damn mistakes...or tell that customer to take their snobby suburbanite uppity attitude and shove it up their fat ass....and walk the fuck out.. Is that both these jobs (and soon to be a third.. *sigh*), and the little money I make at them are what are providing me with the money to buy food and water and vitamins for the nourishment to grow a healthy baby, and the means to be prepared when my baby comes... and these jobs are what will help me to support my baby on my own until, I find a way to make a living, and do what i love with my time... and already, my baby is THE MOST important thing on earth to, In light of that I guess I'll wake up again tomorrow morning... put on my spiffy work clothes... and head off to babysit, and shovel shit for one more day...with a cheerful smile upon my face! :)

Currently listening:
Logical Progression, Level 1
By LTJ Bukem
Release date: 17 April, 2001

Monday, June 12, 2006

Brutally Honest : The wisdom of Bill Hicks

Current mood: contemplative

So I was browsing around one of my myspace friends profiles, and discovered some well spoken words by late comedian Bill Hicks.. They spoke my mind so much that I went and searched the internet for some more of this guys words. The man is brutally honest, which to me is one of the most admirable traits a human being can have. Wether or not people are going to agree, and wether or not people will Love you for your honesty doesn't matter much.. I like people who aren't afraid to speak up about all of the bullshit in the world that most people would perfer to pretend does not exist. That said.. I'm posting below this a collection of quotes that I found amusing, inspiring, and/or just plain brilliant, and mostly ones that speak very bluntly some of my views. If you are easily offended: Don't read them. If you don't agree with them, that's just fine. You will not change my mind, and I probably will not change yours.. Have a nice day! ;)

"The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, 'Hey don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride ...' And we ... kill those people. Ha ha, 'Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."

"I'm so sick of arming the world and then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of 'em. We're like the bullies of the world, you know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheep herder's feet: 'Pick it up.' 'I don't wanna pick it up mister, you'll shoot me.' 'Pick up the gun.' 'Mister, I don't want no trouble, huh. I just came down town here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about 10 rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, mister.' 'Pick up the gun.' Boom, boom. 'You all saw him. He had a gun.'"

"People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?"

"They (Australians) celebrate Easter the exact same way we do: commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why were fucked up as a race. Anybody got any idea? You know, Ive read the Bible. I cant find the word bunny or chocolate anywhere in the fucking book. Where do they come up with this shit? Why not goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer? As long as youre making shit up - you know - go hog-wild. At least the goldfish with a Lincoln log on its back going across your carpet has some miraculous connotations: 'Mum, today I found a Lincoln log in my sock drawer.' 'Thats the story of Jesus.'"

"I was over in Australia, and everyone's like: 'Are you proud to be an American?' And I was like, 'Um, I don't know, I didn't have a lot to do with it. You know, my parents fucked there, that's about all."

"I hate patriotism. I can't stand it.... It's a round world, last time I checked."

"Here's how I feel about gays in the military: anyone...DUMB ENOUGH to want to be in the military should be allowed in. End of fucking story. That should be the only requirement. I don't care how many push-ups you can do, put on a helmet, go wait in that fox hole. We'll tell you when we need you to kill somebody. I've been watching all these Congressional hearings, and all these military guys and all the pundits going, 'The esprit de corps will be affected and we are such a moral...' excuse me, aren't you all a bunch of fucking HIRED KILLERS? SHUT UP!"

"I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"

Folks: It's time to evolve ideas. You know, evolution didn't end with us growing thumbs. You do know that, right? Didn't end there. We're at the point, now, where we're going to have to evolve ideas. The reason the world is so fucked up is we're undergoing evolution. And the reason our institutions, our traditional religions, are all crumbling, is because... they're no longer relevant. They're no longer relevant. So it's time for us to create a new philosophy and perhaps even a new religion, you see. And that's OK 'cause that's our right, 'cause we are free children of God with minds who can imagine anything, and that's kind of our role."

"I'm sorry if anyone here is Catholic. I'm not sorry if you are offended, I'm actually sorry just the fact that you're Catholic. Gotta be one of the most ludicrous fucking beliefs ever. Like these vampire priests sink their twin fangs of guilt and sin into you as a child and suck your joy of life out of you the rest of your fucking existence."

"The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! 'Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.'"

"Tell you, the worst kind of non-smokers' the kind where you're smokin' and they just walk up to you ... [starts coughing affectedly] I always say, 'Shit, you're lucky you don't smoke. That's some cough you got there, dude. I'm smoking, you're coughing. Wow.' That's kind of cruel, man. Going up to a smoker and coughing. Shit! Do you go up to crippled people dancing too, you fucks? 'Hey, Mr. Wheelchair. What's your problem? Come on ironside, race ya!'"

"I don't understand anything, so there you go ... You know what my problem is? I watch too much news, man. That's my problem, that's why I'm so depressed all the time. I figured it out. I watch too much CNN, man. I don't know if you've ever sat around and watched CNN more than, I don't know, 20 hours in one day ... I don't recommend that. Watch CNN Headline News for 1 hour, it's the most depressing thing you'll ever fucking do. 'WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS, RECESSION, DEPRESSION. WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS ...' Then, you look out your window ... [makes cricket noises] Where's all this shit happening? Ted Turner's making this shit up! Jane Fonda won't sleep with him, he runs to a typewriter: '"By 1992, we will all die of AIDS." Read that on the air. I don't get laid, no one gets laid!' I'm writing Jane Fonda: 'Will you fuck this guy so we can get some good news, please?' I want to see a well-laid Ted Turner newscast: 'Hey, it's all going to work out. Here's sports.'"

"I can't watch TV longer than 5 minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust."

"'Hey buddy, my daddy died for that flag.'

'Really? I bought mine. Yeah, they sell them at K-Mart and shit.'

'He died in the Korean War.'

'Wow, what a coincidence. Mine was made in Korea.'

No one and I repeat, no one has ever died for a flag. See, a flag ... is just a piece of cloth. They may have died for freedom, which is also the freedom to burn the fuckin' flag, see. That's freedom."

Currently listening:
Blind Melon
By Blind Melon
Release date: 22 September, 1992

so cold

Current mood: thoughtful

another song that speaks for me...

"So Cold"

Crowded streets are cleared away
One by One
Hollow heroes separate
As they run

You're so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder while
Strong men die

Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
satisfied and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try

If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry

You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hand on me one last time

Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
satisfied and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try

It's alright

breaking benjamin

Currently listening:
We Are Not Alone
By Breaking Benjamin
Release date: 29 June, 2004

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Have a little faith...

Current mood: hopeful

One more song for the night...

when the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark, baby
Have a little faith in me

When the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try, baby
Have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

When your secret heart
Cannot speak so *easily*
Come here darlin'
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

When your back's against the wall
Just turn around, you will see
I will catch ya, i will catch your fall
Just have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

Well, i've been loving you for such a long, long time baby
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend *for you and me*
Cause for us there is no end
All you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said i will hold you up, i will hold you up
Your strength gives me enough
So have a little faith in me
Hey baby, oh, baby
All ya gotta do is have a little faith in me
All ya gotta do is have a little faith in me
A little faith in me

~John Hiatt

Currently listening:
Bring the Family
By John Hiatt
Release date: 25 October, 1990

Old friends

Current mood: cheerful

I am realizing more and more lately that I have been so lucky to have had the opportunity to know some of the friends I have had... I just spoke to one of the best friends I've ever had in the whole world. It was so good to catch up with him again. Its funny, there are some people who you can not see or speak to for years..and as soon as you hear their voice its like you never were apart.. and even if they are on the other side of the world, you can still remain close... I have had the opportunity to love so many friends..I can honestly say I have had more true, good, close to my heart, friends than any one person deserves....just another reason I am blessed

Currently listening:
The Best of James Taylor
By James Taylor
Release date: 08 April, 2003

Food for Thought and some Funny shit~

Current mood: amused

can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well, a little bit late, huh?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
(and you thought?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
(as opposed to...what?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands or genitals."
(was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Currently listening:
By Sublime
Release date: 30 July, 1996

Friday, June 9, 2006


Current mood: tired

Note to Self: Stop trying to reason with someone who does not operate in the realm of reason.... Stop trying to shine light for someone who cannot see..

Currently listening:
Blind Faith
By Blind Faith
Release date: 25 October, 1990

Thursday, June 8, 2006


Current mood: angry

Erased you. Now you know just a fraction of how I felt.

Currently listening:
Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)
By Eamon
Release date: 20 April, 2004