Wednesday, November 30, 2005

eternal sunshine......

Current mood: depressed

Memories of what we left behind
the sweet and the ugly running around in my mind

Backpacking conversations on common ground
Email and falling asleep to your sweet sounds
Resevoir walks
spiritual talks
reading life in the cards
a german shepard in our own yard
movies spooning
campfire crooning
back roads and vermont leaves
your arms around me with ocean breeze
lonely hotel rooms though you were there
the blank dark eyes above me...your cold stare
empty stretches of midwest roads
not always speaking in metaphor or codes
running my lifes possessions down the stairs
the feel of your fingers passing through my hair
the songs we might have food stores
seeing the world...plans to go on tour
durfee, magnolia...and van buren synchronicity
asking in polish if you would kiss me
sunset on the pacific...ventura boulevard
sunglasses out the window...trapped in a car
making love on mountain tops
getting into a car with oklahoma cop
doing what I can with where I am
both of us striving to be the best that we can
open mike scenes surrounded by strangers
meeting with you in our bridal chamber
accusations, paranoia in your mind poison with no antidote
dreams and wishes locked in boxes in the words we wrote
aquarians, horoscopes...finding free hotspots
climbing talcott, comparing stories of what we are and are not
west side, east side, racing home uninsured
believing stories told though meant to be absurd
muffins, coffee, chain smoking all night, old school games
knowing when we reached my door it'd never be the same
coldplay singing, tree hugging, smoking after we broke up
life is a matter of perspective...of how you see your cup
tickling me so hard, laughing so loud...the smile on your face
painting for your mama..bjork at your sisters place
jerry's protoge in north hampton..purple boas and bead shops
nashville bacon and ice cream...climbing trees to the top
kayaking...geeses, private islands...too much lighter fluid, my bad!
the best days, my best friend, and the worst times I've ever had
screen house nights so cold...late night waffles warmed us over
searching in the rain in vain while you found two four leaf clovers
Making you dinner in my grandmas kitchen, tag sales with nothing to do
The first night...finding the courage to tell you, I think I love you

How to leave this all behind...The smiles arm in arm with the tears
trying to see my way again...removing your face from future years
wishes never fufilled...delusions not removed..friendship gone to dust
our plans disolved to nothing...just as the car we fixed will turn to rust
Unfounded dramas I'm trying to turn away from but it's so hard
just want to feel the peace I had, before you had my heart

Currently listening:
Fix You
By Coldplay
Release date: 06 September, 2005


Current mood: numb

Breakdown of the life you meant to break

Is this sadness
Mental illness
or are the things you've done to blame

are these stories
so far out there
or do I feel the same

The coldness
the lies in your eyes
chilling ripping at my soul

The soulessness
you show at times
penetrating to the core

This feeling
I keep for you
Its so hard to let fall away

This hope endures
in spite of things
the binding around my day

Please walk away if I am wrong
thats all that you could say
and for all it could have been
I am here alone again
with nothing but a song

This cycle
we perpetuate
is calling me again

The telephone
gives me the eye
email begs me to hit send

Every routine
I found here waiting
seems surreal without your hand

and all the things
that were once enough
slip slowly through the sands

Trying to put
the puzzle together
preserving whats left to learn

Trying to see
this life again
placing ointment on my burns

Walk Away if I am wrong
thats all that you would say
and for all it could have been
I am alone again...
with nothing but your songs

Walked away cause you were wrong
live to see a better day
and for all we could have seen
we are both alone again
nothing but a song

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

follow me...

Current mood: optimistic

breaking benjamin

I'm losing sight
Don't count on me
I chase the sun
It chases me

You know my name
You know my face
You'd know my heart
If you knew my place
I'll walk straight down
As far as I can go!

I'll follow you if you follow me
I don't know why you lie so clean
I'll break right through the irony

Enlighten me
Reveal my faith
Just cut these strings
That hold me safe

You know my head
You know my gaze
You'd know my heart
If you knew your place
I'll walk straight down
As far as I can go

I'll follow you if you follow me
I don't know why you lie so clean
I'll break right through the irony

Cure this wait
I hate this wait

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Not one you've seen

Current mood: tired

Get out of your mind
and fall into your heart
even just this once
Your intuition is NOT your fear
overthinking and predicting outcomes
when its only just begun
how unfair to not see where we'll go
how sad...we might never know
projections of the past
you have put on my face
covering, clouding...
unable to see me clearly
My intent is not for harm
to either of our lives
my aim is not to drag this out
or pull you through the mud
my goal is not to push you for a title
not to become your wife
live in this moment
while I am by your side
enjoy this bond
share this common ground
exchanging energy, lessons we hold inside
don't push me there
I won't pull you here
lets meet somewhere inbetween
I'm Not the girls you've had before
My soul not the ones you've seen
Dont trust me, trust life
not thinking it but living it
you're where you need to be
I've got plenty of time
plenty of patience
plenty of heart
I'll be waiting for you
If you want to see...

an offering...

Current mood: hopeful


How do I tell you that I understand
And without losing myself or smothering you
How can I show you I might be falling for you

How do I show you without holding your hand
That I know all too well how alone you have felt
And while standing my ground how do I help a stone wall melt

How am I to hold you without chaining you down
And show you a mirror to whats inside your soul
Be a companion that is more than a typecast role

How can I show you whats been changed in my heart
By something not understood in the mind but felt in the soul
Not thinking it but living it is the difference that makes us whole

Religions, Saviours, and magic signs aren't part and parcel of the truth
Though bits they claim and lives they change the practice forms a roof

Whats beyond is incomprehensible to a fragile mind such as yours or mine
Its what makes up the collective concept...of what is Holy and Divine

Holy and Divine...

How do I even start to really truely know you
Without giving trust freely though the world says otherwise...
Cause how are we to know our hearts if we still wear our disguise

How can a plant bloom through a concrete wall
And if the defenses experience bought are always on guard
How can we learn which hand to keep and which to discard

Baby I can't give answers I don't yet understand
But without assumptions or expectations on this bond we share
Offered up to your lonliness if you'll take it my heart is there

I offer up to your lonliness if you'll take it my heart is there...

The Key

Current mood: contemplative

How do you make someone hear the truth
when all the can see is what they want to read
How can you show without giving up your soul
that your only desire is to be the one that they need

Force feeding never works, but neither did space
patience is my only friend, Love my only strength
The Jew thats lurking below the surface swallowed by snake
the unhappiness you own you give to others with blame

The vehicle the tools you have at hand
and every truth in the world is yours to use at will
With faith, hope, and open eyes you'll see all you ask to know
you can be that child again, he is in you still

I knew you weren't dead yet when I met you
saw a spark of light lingering in your smile...your eyes
Saw right through the hard facade to the sweetness clinging on
saw a ray of sun in your head's clouded skies

Most live in deception, know not at what they stumble
darkness has swallowed them and all that was once good and kind
The voice that spoke in your childhood from your heart
gets replaced by the louder ones of the world...of your mind

The key is yours. Prayed for and placed in your hand
the door is there is you will only turn inside to see it is locked up tight
With all my heart I gave you all I have
The message delivered, a lantern for your night

I wish you wouldn't walk away, can't you see what you're running from
this fear you have will follow you, no matter how long you walk on
See yourslef as clear as you believe you see others, find the way back home
My love is you, space I opened now empty, and we're just another song.

Currently listening:
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
By Wilco
Release date: 23 April, 2002

FAITH: the evidence of that which is unseen.

Current mood: contemplative

I know God is real because
he tells me when and what to say

Teaches me the very same lessons of life
I speak of every day

Everything thats right in my heart
are the pieces he has healed

Everything thats good in my soul
are the flowers Love planted in this field

The stars in the sky and the things we can't know
keep me pressing in ever higher

The people who touch me unbeknownst to them
fuel this passion and add kindling to this fire

None is a stranger and none is untouched
by the hand at sometime in this life

None is condemned by any but their own two hands
none are forced to stay out of the light

Kindred spirits are we all
as evidenced by all we share

Don't stop fighting for it, keep on striving for it
reach out....LOVE is there

I know God is real...


Current mood: thankful


for all the inconsistencies
because you see it within yourself
overanalyzing tiny misinterpretations
gauging reactions instead of going on instinct
why do I do it...why do you too
what is it about actions that we may misjudge
how can that credibility be greater than an internal guide
when you feel so much thats deeper than speech
why do you trust a voice more than an emotion

what if we all sang out our hearts
not in words but instead in melody
what world would this be if our love was on our sleeve
what grace would be given to all by the Christ in us each
the voice that speaks though at times in a whisper
that seed of feeling that stirs in a spirit
is it in us all or do some really not know
is ignorance and hatred to rampant as that by now
is that why boundries are always pushed and morals stretched
grey areas widening... covering over with clouds
self doubt blocking out the depths of the colors of real life

the sparks you see are real!
embrace them and let love be released
it does no good to anyone if its all held down inside
I see you screaming to get out please open up and let us in
the door while underestimated is swinging both ways
a guitar is no good with no musician to bring out beauty
a word no good unless properly spoken
a song can be sang with no heart standing behind it
touching all of the no one it has reached for...

a mind is no good if its wasted away
until all you received on the 52nd day
has flown out the door, dead and drained away
trust is of no purpose if extended to none
what good is done to stockpile feeling for pride
what consequences if you've never truely lived

Don't assume you are damned when none has condemned
Freedom and opportunity are the fine silverware
placed in a drawer with linens left for special occasions
but always forgotten in the times we might use them

we can boast of and brag secure and insure
but why build a collection while ignoring the purpose it was made for



go live it! spread it! share it!
connect, touch souls, reach out to those alone
some need a friend, others a father
some a lover, others a mother

virtues of the heart and soul are the true diamonds
priceless, rare, beauty in every facet
value that which is eternal not that which claims it on TV
why do we pray for what time will eat away
when the easy road is that most follow
and the wide gate stands before us

do we think its a game?
do we feel we have no fate?
we dress in robes and bless our bread and cry blasphemy...
all the while misusing a name

"depart I never knew you" as you die
what if its only our own souls which call out as we fly
what if body becomes as ground
all we identified ourselves through just the same
and no spirit is found as the body shuts down
what is left to go on if nothing you built?

That which none will ever see with eyes
is of greater value than all you pay a fortune for to decorate your wrists
EXPERIENCE is what you make of it...and its what makes you.

LOVE because we are all the same just in different disguises

LOVE because your struggles can be seen in anothers eyes

LOVE because though its been said already, what is true rings clearest

LOVE is the answer, all you need, and the meaning of life

LOVE with no regrets and like its the first time

LOVE because it is the only way to truely live in this life

Face the light and feel the pull from within
grow inside and together to find your garden of Eden...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

you can't always get what you want...?

Current mood: contemplative

Unfamiliar signs

I just wanted to be somewhere where I didn't recognize the names on the signs

I just want to know the me that I've been sruggling to find

Just wanted to find a life that I could share...

I just wanted you to be there.

We started on this journey arm in arm,side by side

now it looks as though we may have reached the end of the ride

but I am not to blame for the choices you have made

and I am not the one who has left traces on a razorblade

I've never claimed to be innocent a virgin holy and pure

but the demons you have placed on my face are not mine to be worn

I just wanted to reach a place where hearts are guides and not our minds

wanted you to meet a girl, the me that I've been trying to find

I just wanted to find a life that I could share...

and I just wanted you to be there.

Now I have never gone so far that I didn't recognize my own face

and it doesn't matter if I go my heart will still be at your place

all I ever wanted from this was a little piece of happiness

all I ever asked of you was to not give up on us this quick

this life is much to short to have this many headaches

these souls have too much value to put so much at stake

I just wanted to get somewhere with you and I followed all the signs

Just wanted to see where we could go and I've lost nothing but time

Just wanted to find a life that I could share...

and I just wanted you to be there.

I just wanted us to find the space inside where we would both be free

Just wanted to love you as long as you would let me

I just wanted to find a life that I could share...

and I just hoped that you would be there

-Kalee November 12th 2005