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Current mood: 
crappy
What a bastard of a day... I cried in the bathroom today...several times.. had to call my mom to vent and cry....This job is just so fucking stressful.. and so frustrating. I worked from 8:30 to 8:30 tonight... throw in the two hours in the car.. the shitty traffic.. I assigned very simple tasks to my employees this weekend.. and They couldn't even get the most mundane and EASY of tasks done.. with about twice as much time as was needed to do it... I was SO FUCKING pissed when Igot to work and saw that they hadn't done SHIT... makes me not want to take a day off.. not to mention, I'm starting to suspect someone is stealing there too... Which means I'm gonna have to start recording the fucking registers all damn day long... I HATE not being able to trust people! I FUCKING HATE IT! I hate having 3 people look me in the eye and know that one or more of them are lying to me.. These people are a bunch of shady, lazy, kids. I called the manager above me today.. I told him, I have NO intention of coming into this shithole, cleaning up the mess left by other management.. and come a month from now, being dropped back down to a lesser position while the two fuckers that made the mess each have their jobs still... If this doesn't improve quickly I am so the fuck outta this place. Either that or I'm just gonna start cleaning house and fire all these lazy fuckers. Anyways.. Sorry about the rant.. I'm just so exhausted.. yesterday was such a nice day... all I did all day was relaz, and pick berries, and eat blueberries, and chill out as best as I could.. I KNEW that things were gonna be all fucked up and not done when I got back though.. one measly day off and these idiots can't take care of themselves, and get something done without someone on their ass. My feet hurt so bad... They are swollen all the time now..My legs ache... My head hurts... I have horrible heartburn almost all the time.. I'm so tired.. My back hurts, and my sides ache... I have to keep moving all day, cause if I stp to think about myself I'll start to cry... I was so busy trying to chase full grown adults around to do their damn jobs today, and so freaking stressed out trying to sift through stacks and stacks of papers from the past year and a half that noone else has done filing, or anything, I was so frazzled that I forgot my Dr's appointment. Now I have to try and figure out how to squeeze it into my 60 hour work week, and try and figure out how to get to the otherside of the state for it, and all the while, sharing a car with my parents...unless I can find time to go to the town hall and the DMV.. which I DON'T FORSEE having a snawballs chance in hell of happening.........
*sigh*....I don't mean to sound like an asshole.. I don't mean to complain so much right now.. but I'm so fed up with everything I can't help crying and wanting to cry most of the time... All I want is to enjoy ggrowing this life inside me.. all I want is to be able to take a freaking hour once a day to sit and spend time with my baby, feeling him inside me... with my own thoughts.. without having to feel this pressure of having to make money.. having to have this job.. having to save money so I can spend three fucking weeks with my own child once he's born before I have to head back off to shovel shit in the retail world again.. I just wanted this pregnancy to be a time of peace.. of joy... of a bright future.........
Guess I can't alw...EVER... get what I want.... Hopefully this'll all be a thing of the past someday.. and I can sit at home and write for a living and raise my baby.. teach him myself instead of having to send him off to school... please God ......someday......
Here's hoping tommorrow's a bit brighter.. but my guess is that the 8:00 to 9:30 day I see on the schedule before me is going to be the same shit.. just a different day....
please please God.. can this all be different someday???
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