tupperware and the meaning of life...

Current mood: contemplative

The musings of my mind after 2 days off and way too much time to think... lol :)...

So here I am... 25 years old and single with a baby on the way in a short 3 months.... Strange the way life twists and turns.. everytime I think my convictions and my ideals for life cannot be shaken I am faced yet again with another situation in which something that I "stand for" is tested.... I HATE corporate America.. I HATE consumerism.. I hate the walmarts, GM, AOLtimeWarner, and GAP's of the world.. in my mind and in my eyes (more and more as I see the silent destruction they leave in their wake) I see that the big money corporations of the world are at the root of almost as many of the evils and injustices done to poor people of this world as are some of the worst governments of the world.... and yet.. at this time in my life I find myself working for such a corporation.. not out of want but out of the sheer necessity of it... when I had no mouth to feed but my own it was different... I could scrape by on 5 dollars a day if I had to.. I've done it before and coulda done it for all my days if need be.. to stick to my guns... so how do I do this now.. how do I happily report to work as a corporate shit eater.... and smile and tell the yuppies in their dockers that walk thorugh the door that the ridiculous amount of money they are wasting on some unnecessary overpriced imported crap is not only justified but that perhaps they should purchase two "just in case"... I've been doing that all summer... half heartedly.. and trying with every ounce of me to not lose my sense of self and my hard won perspective on the world and on life... and now I am about to add another job into the mix... this one is my only hope at the moment of having an income and being able to spend time with my child once he's born.. and I'd be foolish to turn my nose up at it... but the thought of *gulp...* peddling TUPPERWARE.... it turns my stomach... I know that to some of you my friends that sounds ridiculous and I know that to some of you, I am selling out... but in my own heart I know that I am doing what I have to do for the sake of my child and I... and I find a small amount of solace in that...

I was talking to my mother today.... and I got to thinking.... it seems the older I get.. the more I find myself questioning wether or not I even know anything for all the years I've been here.... Everytime I think I've got life figured out enough to not be taken by surprise again.. the universe shifts and I suddenly find myself faced with yet another situation that I've never seen and haven't the slightest idea how to proceed with.. and somehow by the grace of God I stumble down some narrow path out of the woods.. only to find yet another forest... or a bit of fog... or nighttime setting in... I'm becoming more and more convinced that life is simply a series of brief glimpses of light spread out amongst long periods of time where you can't see further than the hand in front of your face.... I dunno... and from all I can tell I don't think we're meant to know... life seems to be like the ultimate joke.. maybe the only point of it all is to see who can deal with all the twists, turns, bumps, blind spots, and moments of being completely lost and still come out smiling at the end of the road...

I must be a bit crazy... TUPPERWARE for me is a good enough reason to go off on philisophical wanderings regarding the meaning of life.... oh well...

I may not be where I thought I'd be, or even anywhere near where I thought I was going on this path... but yah know what???

I'm STILL smiling! :D