what if...

Current mood: sad

talked on the phone today to one of my truest dearest friends... I cried when I hung up... called back to say what I really meant... so hard to be so far away from one who means so much to your heart... Strange the places you find yourself in life... all the twists and turns.. choices.. and words you can look back upon.. seeing how far you've come since yet another fork in the road.. I wonder.. does it ever get any easier to just keep looking forward.. not wondering "what if???" ... I wouldn't give up the life growing within me right now for anything... but some moments I can help wondering.. what if I never walked away?? As immature as we were..... We were closer and our love was more real and honest than any other I've seen or felt... as many times as we found our way into each others arms throughout the years.. and fell back away just as many times... what if that last time had never ended... what if the lives we are now each bringing and have brought into this world individually were one and the same... what if???? who knows where this life is leading, mine or his... but I hope he knows that there is a part of my heart that has always been and always will be his... and that no matter where lives lead.. there'll probably always be a place inside me that wishes I had taken the other path on that fork in the road so long ago.... what if....