Current mood: anxious
Saw Dr. today and got some blood tests... waiting to hear back today or tommorrow but Dr. said I might have to be readmitted................................... here I am praying and crossing my fingers....
observations, thoughts, poems, and perspectives... from within my fishbowl and without...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
FUTURE...
Current mood:HONEST
Category: Life
This is what I see.... have realized from this experience I have recently lived through to tell......
THIS is what I want...
A little old farm house.... not too tiny but comfortably cozy, maybe a little shabby and saggy, but well loved and taken care of.... with walls of our own that I can take as much paint and brushes to as my heart needs.... with a big ole overgrown jungly garden leading to the front door... flowers, and big leafy bushy plants and flowery leafy trees and shrubbery....
I want Lennon and perhaps a lil more young'uns to run in a big big space of land... trees to climb, fruits and veggies to pic.... I want to school them as best we can in the ways of the world, or nature, and of life.... as partners... equals.... friends....
I want a BIG BIG garden... fruits and veggies galor.... more than enough to eat, share...maybe even sell.....
I want to spend several months of the year just traveling around in an earthlovin vehicle, selling my parents (and at that point OURs too) Jewelry at fairs and fests around the country.... maybe further.
I want to go to nursing school and in off months nurse on my own terms, my own hours, part time....
I want my partner to do whatever his heart desires to do in off months to keep bringing in enough to help us live as well.... but also to feel free enough to enjoy life and all his passions... cause I'll be doing the same....
I want to play my music, write my thoughts, paint my mind on anything and everything... make things from trash... learn all sorts of things... dance, sing, and smile as often as possible.
I want to stay in new england.... likely CT, possibly RI, VT, or MA.... but still close enough that my family is NO MORE than an hour away TOPS......
I've realized a few other things... I'm not as "close" to some of my family as I'd like... but I LOVE them more than anything, and I KNOW that they feel the same.... and the few intimate conversations that I HAVE HAD with each and eevery one of them at one point of another in the recent year or two leads me to believe that the potential for great friendships.. REAL FRIENDSHIPS are there.... and I'm not will to give up on that.... just as they were not willing to give up on me during recent events.....
Thus, why I will be staying close by wherever they all may be congregated.... its not my zip code that matters in the slightest.... and I may live in the heart of a beast of a state in the epicenter of what is rapidly becoming a beast of a country... but 90% of the people Lennon and I love in this world and vice versa are here.... and so will I be.
I have realized that I can KNOW and keep up to date on what is happening in this world around me.... and I can CHOOSE every day of my life to NOT participate as MUCH as possible, but that paranoia and a complete refusal to LIVE lest you somehow support an evil system you don't agree with is futile... it accomplishes nothing more than putting one in a constant state of FEAR and produces an inability to live any sort of meaningful existance.... YES the system SUCKS... yes it is run by terrible evil people.... yes corporations suck.... and politicians don't give a shit about any of us..... yes the world may end tommorrow... the government may start busting down doors and hauling off the trouble makersor "terrorists".... and yes they are trying to make slaves of us ALL...... and I can CHOOSE to think what I want and do what I want about that... I choose to find some niches where I can still BUILD a future for my family and I.... be prepared mentally and physically for any shit that may go down... live as close to nature as I can without becoming Grizzly Adam's wife... refuse to shop at big businesses as much as possible... and all the other numerous things that are within MY ABILITY to do to existiin this fucked up world without losing my sanity... There's this cheesy ass country song I heard once and the chorus has been stuck in my head since the night before I suffered a massive seizure that almost claimed my life... I have no idea what any of the rest of the words are but the chorus goes like this:
You CAN spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin
One storm can come and blow it all away
BUILD IT ANYWAYS
thats what I intend to do with my second chance I have been given....
I have realized that my purpose in life was NEVER to be a corporate "yes man"... a coffee slinger... a telephone answerer or any other MEANINGLESS existance.... and on the same token I do not believe it is to be anyone who's name will ever be mentioned in ANY history book... not a famous world shaking anything.... I am not a gandhi, a john lennon, or an MLK..... but I will CHANGE the world through small acts of kindness and compassion.... because someone has to, and because the small things are going to be what changes the world... not a glorified leader.... the little people who do little things every day, like let someone out into traffic, or tell a scared sick person with demetia for the 20th time with love and patience in their voice where there are, or wipe someone elses ass because they can't do it for themselves.... or spend their days nursing sick children even though half of them won't survive and the pain of that loss will have to be felt over and over by said nurse...someone has to do these things... these are the acts in life that have MEANING.... that will make the world just a little better place for our babies to grow in....
The last thing I've realized... there is someone I LOVE with all my heart that is not near me.... he knows who he is. someone I have felt this unexplainable bond with since we were kids... someone I have always pictured as a piece of my soul and vice versa.... someone who once said the most amazing thing I had or have ever heard in my life... "I want to climb inside you so you'll never be lonely" (you already ARE...) ... And I want something from this person that I know could be considered so selfish.... I know that there are factors already concieved in other worlds that have come into play.... and I know what I ask... and the compromises which would need to be made.... and I wish I could be the one to make a great sacrifce... but I've tried planning it so many times and I CAN'T... for reasons stated... and I remember when you asked me what I thought you should do 2 years ago...and I said nothing though I wanted to SCREAM for you to STAY... just stay here... that you could be mate and daddy right here.... not step... daddy. I remember a campfire and a walk when I wished it was you I was sitting besides.... I remember crying so many nights when I have wished it was you sleeping besides me and I remember all the times we tried and the timing was never right... and I try not to live in the past... and I've tried moving on to others... many times.... but its ALWAYS been YOU.
and so I ask of you the one last thing I want out of this life... with every trial and trouble and sacrifice that may come of it... I ask for one last chance.... another TRY at standing besides you as the other half to "OUR"... as mates, friends, and partners with all the honesty, OPENNESS, faith hope, love, integrity, equality, RESPECT, and strength that comes from having a REAL TRUE human relationship, the kind you an I have had for years with each other, and never with another... and if this cannot or will not be the case I ask for nothing more than such an answer... and I will ask my heart to let me move on from this constant ache for you that I carry with me everyday....
this is what I want. What do you want?
Currently reading:
The Poisonwood Bible
By Barbara Kingsolver
Category: Life
This is what I see.... have realized from this experience I have recently lived through to tell......
THIS is what I want...
A little old farm house.... not too tiny but comfortably cozy, maybe a little shabby and saggy, but well loved and taken care of.... with walls of our own that I can take as much paint and brushes to as my heart needs.... with a big ole overgrown jungly garden leading to the front door... flowers, and big leafy bushy plants and flowery leafy trees and shrubbery....
I want Lennon and perhaps a lil more young'uns to run in a big big space of land... trees to climb, fruits and veggies to pic.... I want to school them as best we can in the ways of the world, or nature, and of life.... as partners... equals.... friends....
I want a BIG BIG garden... fruits and veggies galor.... more than enough to eat, share...maybe even sell.....
I want to spend several months of the year just traveling around in an earthlovin vehicle, selling my parents (and at that point OURs too) Jewelry at fairs and fests around the country.... maybe further.
I want to go to nursing school and in off months nurse on my own terms, my own hours, part time....
I want my partner to do whatever his heart desires to do in off months to keep bringing in enough to help us live as well.... but also to feel free enough to enjoy life and all his passions... cause I'll be doing the same....
I want to play my music, write my thoughts, paint my mind on anything and everything... make things from trash... learn all sorts of things... dance, sing, and smile as often as possible.
I want to stay in new england.... likely CT, possibly RI, VT, or MA.... but still close enough that my family is NO MORE than an hour away TOPS......
I've realized a few other things... I'm not as "close" to some of my family as I'd like... but I LOVE them more than anything, and I KNOW that they feel the same.... and the few intimate conversations that I HAVE HAD with each and eevery one of them at one point of another in the recent year or two leads me to believe that the potential for great friendships.. REAL FRIENDSHIPS are there.... and I'm not will to give up on that.... just as they were not willing to give up on me during recent events.....
Thus, why I will be staying close by wherever they all may be congregated.... its not my zip code that matters in the slightest.... and I may live in the heart of a beast of a state in the epicenter of what is rapidly becoming a beast of a country... but 90% of the people Lennon and I love in this world and vice versa are here.... and so will I be.
I have realized that I can KNOW and keep up to date on what is happening in this world around me.... and I can CHOOSE every day of my life to NOT participate as MUCH as possible, but that paranoia and a complete refusal to LIVE lest you somehow support an evil system you don't agree with is futile... it accomplishes nothing more than putting one in a constant state of FEAR and produces an inability to live any sort of meaningful existance.... YES the system SUCKS... yes it is run by terrible evil people.... yes corporations suck.... and politicians don't give a shit about any of us..... yes the world may end tommorrow... the government may start busting down doors and hauling off the trouble makersor "terrorists".... and yes they are trying to make slaves of us ALL...... and I can CHOOSE to think what I want and do what I want about that... I choose to find some niches where I can still BUILD a future for my family and I.... be prepared mentally and physically for any shit that may go down... live as close to nature as I can without becoming Grizzly Adam's wife... refuse to shop at big businesses as much as possible... and all the other numerous things that are within MY ABILITY to do to existiin this fucked up world without losing my sanity... There's this cheesy ass country song I heard once and the chorus has been stuck in my head since the night before I suffered a massive seizure that almost claimed my life... I have no idea what any of the rest of the words are but the chorus goes like this:
You CAN spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin
One storm can come and blow it all away
BUILD IT ANYWAYS
thats what I intend to do with my second chance I have been given....
I have realized that my purpose in life was NEVER to be a corporate "yes man"... a coffee slinger... a telephone answerer or any other MEANINGLESS existance.... and on the same token I do not believe it is to be anyone who's name will ever be mentioned in ANY history book... not a famous world shaking anything.... I am not a gandhi, a john lennon, or an MLK..... but I will CHANGE the world through small acts of kindness and compassion.... because someone has to, and because the small things are going to be what changes the world... not a glorified leader.... the little people who do little things every day, like let someone out into traffic, or tell a scared sick person with demetia for the 20th time with love and patience in their voice where there are, or wipe someone elses ass because they can't do it for themselves.... or spend their days nursing sick children even though half of them won't survive and the pain of that loss will have to be felt over and over by said nurse...someone has to do these things... these are the acts in life that have MEANING.... that will make the world just a little better place for our babies to grow in....
The last thing I've realized... there is someone I LOVE with all my heart that is not near me.... he knows who he is. someone I have felt this unexplainable bond with since we were kids... someone I have always pictured as a piece of my soul and vice versa.... someone who once said the most amazing thing I had or have ever heard in my life... "I want to climb inside you so you'll never be lonely" (you already ARE...) ... And I want something from this person that I know could be considered so selfish.... I know that there are factors already concieved in other worlds that have come into play.... and I know what I ask... and the compromises which would need to be made.... and I wish I could be the one to make a great sacrifce... but I've tried planning it so many times and I CAN'T... for reasons stated... and I remember when you asked me what I thought you should do 2 years ago...and I said nothing though I wanted to SCREAM for you to STAY... just stay here... that you could be mate and daddy right here.... not step... daddy. I remember a campfire and a walk when I wished it was you I was sitting besides.... I remember crying so many nights when I have wished it was you sleeping besides me and I remember all the times we tried and the timing was never right... and I try not to live in the past... and I've tried moving on to others... many times.... but its ALWAYS been YOU.
and so I ask of you the one last thing I want out of this life... with every trial and trouble and sacrifice that may come of it... I ask for one last chance.... another TRY at standing besides you as the other half to "OUR"... as mates, friends, and partners with all the honesty, OPENNESS, faith hope, love, integrity, equality, RESPECT, and strength that comes from having a REAL TRUE human relationship, the kind you an I have had for years with each other, and never with another... and if this cannot or will not be the case I ask for nothing more than such an answer... and I will ask my heart to let me move on from this constant ache for you that I carry with me everyday....
this is what I want. What do you want?
Currently reading:
The Poisonwood Bible
By Barbara Kingsolver
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Pictures, Life, and nightmares
Current mood: drained
Category: Life
howdy,
lots and lots of new pictures up... some of friends and family but mostly from the hospital and some things I've made recently as well.... A few of the hospitaal ones may not be appropriate for those with weak stomachs, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...
Anywho, things being home are going alright.... Lennon is warming back up to me and is doing good.... I am weaning myself off of the 4 anti-depressent anti anxiety type medications they have had me on THIS WEEK with is tough but in my mind is necessary to retain a very necesarry piece of myself....
I have lots of drs apptments and blood tests this week and next.... might have to get a kidney biopsy next week as well.... I'm starting to look into pursuing some sort of legal action against the farm and possibly whole foods.... I never thought I'd be a person to sue, but this whole thing has taken so much from my family and I that I can NEVER recover..... and has left so many scars inside and out that will never disappear..... My family at the very least deserves to be compensated in some small way (trust me NO amount of money will make up for this hell we've all been and are still going through but....)
Besides all that I've just been spending time with Lennon, on the computer researching this disease, and trying to sort through the massive and confusing mix of feelings, loss, images, memories, thoughts, nightmares, and everything else connected to this disaster that has become my life.... and trying not to let it break me down into a cowering child.... In the hospital I was having all sorts of bizarre nightmare/hallucinations of crazy shit like all of the muscles and skin shredding off my bones, and I couldn't top ripping and tearing it off, and it wouldn't stop until I'd call out for my dad or a nurse or someone..... it was all so reall and vivid.... I'm kind of freaked out that once I go off these anti-crazy pills they've got me on it might start again but I hate feeling drugged and sedated..... I'm not a "give me a pill" person.... I'm a "let me work through this shit in my head myself and on paper" kind of person so...... we'll see how this all goes i guess......
Thats all for now, going to visit my grandparents today for a delicious "welcome home" lunch/dinner... should be a nice time to be had.... I am thinking of a few of you all my friends... would love to hear from/see you... you know who you are... much Love...
until another moment,
Kalee
Currently listening:
Mad World Pt.1
By Michael (Ft Gary Jules) Andrews
Release date: 2003-12-09
Category: Life
howdy,
lots and lots of new pictures up... some of friends and family but mostly from the hospital and some things I've made recently as well.... A few of the hospitaal ones may not be appropriate for those with weak stomachs, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...
Anywho, things being home are going alright.... Lennon is warming back up to me and is doing good.... I am weaning myself off of the 4 anti-depressent anti anxiety type medications they have had me on THIS WEEK with is tough but in my mind is necessary to retain a very necesarry piece of myself....
I have lots of drs apptments and blood tests this week and next.... might have to get a kidney biopsy next week as well.... I'm starting to look into pursuing some sort of legal action against the farm and possibly whole foods.... I never thought I'd be a person to sue, but this whole thing has taken so much from my family and I that I can NEVER recover..... and has left so many scars inside and out that will never disappear..... My family at the very least deserves to be compensated in some small way (trust me NO amount of money will make up for this hell we've all been and are still going through but....)
Besides all that I've just been spending time with Lennon, on the computer researching this disease, and trying to sort through the massive and confusing mix of feelings, loss, images, memories, thoughts, nightmares, and everything else connected to this disaster that has become my life.... and trying not to let it break me down into a cowering child.... In the hospital I was having all sorts of bizarre nightmare/hallucinations of crazy shit like all of the muscles and skin shredding off my bones, and I couldn't top ripping and tearing it off, and it wouldn't stop until I'd call out for my dad or a nurse or someone..... it was all so reall and vivid.... I'm kind of freaked out that once I go off these anti-crazy pills they've got me on it might start again but I hate feeling drugged and sedated..... I'm not a "give me a pill" person.... I'm a "let me work through this shit in my head myself and on paper" kind of person so...... we'll see how this all goes i guess......
Thats all for now, going to visit my grandparents today for a delicious "welcome home" lunch/dinner... should be a nice time to be had.... I am thinking of a few of you all my friends... would love to hear from/see you... you know who you are... much Love...
until another moment,
Kalee
Currently listening:
Mad World Pt.1
By Michael (Ft Gary Jules) Andrews
Release date: 2003-12-09
Friday, August 15, 2008
another update / new room
Current mood: blissful
NEW ROOM: MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! phone number 860267****, visitors and callers are welcome virtually anytime ( especially ones from washington and boston ....) if visiting please just call to confirm I am in my room ;)
I'm home... just got here couple hours ago, showered the stink of hospital off me, ate some chinese food and have been hanging out with my beautiful Lennon the whole time. Its amazing and scary to be home... dr's aren't sure I'm totally out of the woods yet and there are still quite a few things on the kidney and blood homefronts that are not at all close to normal.... but they felt comfortable sending me home so long as I follow up closely and very often with tests and my medical team.... So anyways.... can;t wait to spend the night in my own bed with my little cuddle monster.... I had to open the windows to smell the fresh east hampton air, I was so excited to see brooks pharmacy and donut depot and even Mcdonalds..... I wanted to kiss my kitchen floor when I walked in the door. Most of all I CRIED my eyes out nearly the entire way home from the happiness and mix of emotions... THere was such a long time when I thought this day would never come and it came so close to being the truth, and now suddenly here I am, Alive and sitting on my couch with my angel sleeping across my lap........ I feel so lucky and so blessed to have life.... thank you so MUCH my friends for listening and for all your thoughts and prayers for me and my family this past month and a half.... it made a big difference and I LOVE YOU ALL TREMENDEOUSLY. I will write more later, Good night, BE WELL ALL, God Bless and Take care of yourselves
Kalee (and LENNON!!!!!!!!!)
NEW ROOM: MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! phone number 860267****, visitors and callers are welcome virtually anytime ( especially ones from washington and boston ....) if visiting please just call to confirm I am in my room ;)
I'm home... just got here couple hours ago, showered the stink of hospital off me, ate some chinese food and have been hanging out with my beautiful Lennon the whole time. Its amazing and scary to be home... dr's aren't sure I'm totally out of the woods yet and there are still quite a few things on the kidney and blood homefronts that are not at all close to normal.... but they felt comfortable sending me home so long as I follow up closely and very often with tests and my medical team.... So anyways.... can;t wait to spend the night in my own bed with my little cuddle monster.... I had to open the windows to smell the fresh east hampton air, I was so excited to see brooks pharmacy and donut depot and even Mcdonalds..... I wanted to kiss my kitchen floor when I walked in the door. Most of all I CRIED my eyes out nearly the entire way home from the happiness and mix of emotions... THere was such a long time when I thought this day would never come and it came so close to being the truth, and now suddenly here I am, Alive and sitting on my couch with my angel sleeping across my lap........ I feel so lucky and so blessed to have life.... thank you so MUCH my friends for listening and for all your thoughts and prayers for me and my family this past month and a half.... it made a big difference and I LOVE YOU ALL TREMENDEOUSLY. I will write more later, Good night, BE WELL ALL, God Bless and Take care of yourselves
Kalee (and LENNON!!!!!!!!!)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
More update.... depressed....
Current mood: crappy
Category: Life
So Dr said today I likely won't be going home this weekend... More likely NEXT week..... :( This makes me very sad....... I miss my Lennon so much... I miss my life... the rest of my family... My poor dad is getting burnt out from being down here practically 24 hours a day, I can tell.... and my momma and Addi are both sick and having to take care of Lennon.... I'm trying so hard not to get down in the dumps but this just doesn't seem to end... I am trying so much to count my blessings and be happy that I am alive (the dr just reiterated again that I would have not likely made it through this if I had waited ONE more day even to come in....... so my fleeting desire to go to the Clinc for some medicine for sure SAVED My life....) And I know I need to be so thankful that this could have had a completely different outcome.... not to mention all of the valuable lessons that this has taught me.... I'm trying to be thankful to God that I will get to be here to watch my baby grow up.... but this is all starting to wear on me emotionally in addition to physically getting tired of feeling like hell.... I JUST WANT TO GO HOME TO MY BABY......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for this burst of "woe is me"..... I hate being one of those weak sorry asses.... but I just need to get this out!! I was enjoying my life so much this summer.... Lennon and I were out riding our bike just about every day... feeding the ducks, going on slides, having such a great summer together.... I just started working on a mural at a local youth theatre group... I was getting in such good shape physically.... you should see me now... I look like I got hit by a couple of tow trucks (literally.... you should see some of this bruising) and I feel worse than I look! My poor little boy got weaned out of nowhere.... not to mention that his mommy just up and disappeared one night out of the blue and hasn't returned in a month still..... My family got the daylights scared out of them , watching me go through seizures and not sure if I was ever going to open my eyes again... I lost A FUCKING WEEK of my memory.... nothing but flashes of pain and faces.... I've had TWO Arterial catheters installed in my body, one of which will now be there for AT LEAST a month or two... I've had MRI's, LUMBRA PUNCTUREs, PIC LINES, PLASMAPHERSIS DIALYSIS, IVS, more BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS than I can count....., GOD knows how many different kinds of DRUGS and STEROIDS...... And it WILL NOT END!!!!!!!!!!
I am greatful for how lucky I am.... but I cant help but feel so very ANGRY that this happened....
I'm so not a lawsuit kind of person.... my mom thinks that once I am out of here and recovering, I should Get a lawyer and pursue that Dairy for neglegence (all signs point to that being the case...and besides me 4 others fell ill too , all kids between 7and 2 years old!) I have mixed feelings on that.... but I am so freaking MAD that I almost died and my family and I've had to go through all this hell just cause someone didn't take seriously what they were doing.... aaaarggggggggghhhh.....
I dunno.... I guess I'll figure it all out once I'm on the road to recovery more.....
physical updatewise, they still haven't figured out the belly bleeding thing but they are monitoring it... and now the past two time I have gotten my plasma treatments I have spent the entire night after in excruciating pain with these weird charley horse insense shock/ muscle spasm things in my legs from groin to toes.... They figured out its some sort of electrolyte/calcium imbalance that is being caused by the treatment and they said they can give me something to get rid of it next time.... I hope so because lastnight they gave me me the strongest painkiller they had (I wanna say Demeral?) (mainlined into an IV) and it didn't even barely take the edge off, just made the room spin all night as well... Besides that they are puzzled why I am loosing so much protein in my urine.... Apparently a sick person will sometimes lose a couple hundred protein counts.... someone with kidneys in trouble will lose 4000 or so.... I MEANWHILE am loosing I think they said around 40000protien count consistently.... and they have no idea why, cause its not a typical symptom of this illness.... so Hopefully my kidney's will stop being little jerks (lol) this week/weekend...... otherwise they are talking about biopsy's and extra steroids starting this upcoming week...... Fun stuff......
Anyways.... I guess thats enough pity party blogging out of me... Sorry for being dramatic..........I just miss you all ( especially my LENNON) and am getting real tired of having to put on a tough face and lookon the BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE..... I feel shitty, and it needed to be said at the moment..... Love you all.
well, I guess I can say something on a lighter note.... today the "art therapy" volunteer came in and let me use her oil pastels and watercolors for a couple hours.... so I got to paint/draw a picture of my beautiful little boy..... that was pretty cool and a nice release that was much needed..... Its pretty cool that they have things like that for patients.... so yeah... happy happy joy :) I wish I had a camera... I'd put up a picture of my painting... but I no have one so..... oh well... Laters
Currently listening:
Meaning Of Life
By Monty Python
Release date: 2003-09-22
Category: Life
So Dr said today I likely won't be going home this weekend... More likely NEXT week..... :( This makes me very sad....... I miss my Lennon so much... I miss my life... the rest of my family... My poor dad is getting burnt out from being down here practically 24 hours a day, I can tell.... and my momma and Addi are both sick and having to take care of Lennon.... I'm trying so hard not to get down in the dumps but this just doesn't seem to end... I am trying so much to count my blessings and be happy that I am alive (the dr just reiterated again that I would have not likely made it through this if I had waited ONE more day even to come in....... so my fleeting desire to go to the Clinc for some medicine for sure SAVED My life....) And I know I need to be so thankful that this could have had a completely different outcome.... not to mention all of the valuable lessons that this has taught me.... I'm trying to be thankful to God that I will get to be here to watch my baby grow up.... but this is all starting to wear on me emotionally in addition to physically getting tired of feeling like hell.... I JUST WANT TO GO HOME TO MY BABY......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for this burst of "woe is me"..... I hate being one of those weak sorry asses.... but I just need to get this out!! I was enjoying my life so much this summer.... Lennon and I were out riding our bike just about every day... feeding the ducks, going on slides, having such a great summer together.... I just started working on a mural at a local youth theatre group... I was getting in such good shape physically.... you should see me now... I look like I got hit by a couple of tow trucks (literally.... you should see some of this bruising) and I feel worse than I look! My poor little boy got weaned out of nowhere.... not to mention that his mommy just up and disappeared one night out of the blue and hasn't returned in a month still..... My family got the daylights scared out of them , watching me go through seizures and not sure if I was ever going to open my eyes again... I lost A FUCKING WEEK of my memory.... nothing but flashes of pain and faces.... I've had TWO Arterial catheters installed in my body, one of which will now be there for AT LEAST a month or two... I've had MRI's, LUMBRA PUNCTUREs, PIC LINES, PLASMAPHERSIS DIALYSIS, IVS, more BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS than I can count....., GOD knows how many different kinds of DRUGS and STEROIDS...... And it WILL NOT END!!!!!!!!!!
I am greatful for how lucky I am.... but I cant help but feel so very ANGRY that this happened....
I'm so not a lawsuit kind of person.... my mom thinks that once I am out of here and recovering, I should Get a lawyer and pursue that Dairy for neglegence (all signs point to that being the case...and besides me 4 others fell ill too , all kids between 7and 2 years old!) I have mixed feelings on that.... but I am so freaking MAD that I almost died and my family and I've had to go through all this hell just cause someone didn't take seriously what they were doing.... aaaarggggggggghhhh.....
I dunno.... I guess I'll figure it all out once I'm on the road to recovery more.....
physical updatewise, they still haven't figured out the belly bleeding thing but they are monitoring it... and now the past two time I have gotten my plasma treatments I have spent the entire night after in excruciating pain with these weird charley horse insense shock/ muscle spasm things in my legs from groin to toes.... They figured out its some sort of electrolyte/calcium imbalance that is being caused by the treatment and they said they can give me something to get rid of it next time.... I hope so because lastnight they gave me me the strongest painkiller they had (I wanna say Demeral?) (mainlined into an IV) and it didn't even barely take the edge off, just made the room spin all night as well... Besides that they are puzzled why I am loosing so much protein in my urine.... Apparently a sick person will sometimes lose a couple hundred protein counts.... someone with kidneys in trouble will lose 4000 or so.... I MEANWHILE am loosing I think they said around 40000protien count consistently.... and they have no idea why, cause its not a typical symptom of this illness.... so Hopefully my kidney's will stop being little jerks (lol) this week/weekend...... otherwise they are talking about biopsy's and extra steroids starting this upcoming week...... Fun stuff......
Anyways.... I guess thats enough pity party blogging out of me... Sorry for being dramatic..........I just miss you all ( especially my LENNON) and am getting real tired of having to put on a tough face and lookon the BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE..... I feel shitty, and it needed to be said at the moment..... Love you all.
well, I guess I can say something on a lighter note.... today the "art therapy" volunteer came in and let me use her oil pastels and watercolors for a couple hours.... so I got to paint/draw a picture of my beautiful little boy..... that was pretty cool and a nice release that was much needed..... Its pretty cool that they have things like that for patients.... so yeah... happy happy joy :) I wish I had a camera... I'd put up a picture of my painting... but I no have one so..... oh well... Laters
Currently listening:
Meaning Of Life
By Monty Python
Release date: 2003-09-22
SONG....
Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Music
This song has been stuck in my head all the past TWO weeks.... not sure why but thought I'd repost it......
Music & lyrics: john popper
It doesnt matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that Ill convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But Ive said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it dont matter who you are
If Im doing my job then its your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I dont mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much peter loved her
What made the pan refuse to grow
Was that the hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If youre rin tin tin or anne boleyn
Make a desperate move or else youll win
And then begin
To see
What youre doing to me this mtv is not for free
Its so pc its killing me
So desperately I sing to thee
Of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I cant keep these feelings on the shelf
Ive tried well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but Ive got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
Ill do as Ill decide and let it ride until Ive died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities
To the ground Ive found
I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
Thats really all this was
And when Im feeling stuck and need a buck
I dont rely on luck because...
The hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely
yeah.......... i HAD WON TICKETS to a concert tonight for collective soul, blues traveler and LIVE.... I would have loved to have gone , but didn't work out.... at least my brother Andrew and little sister Addi were able to go in my place, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently listening:
Four
By Blues Traveler
Release date: 1994-09-16
Category: Music
This song has been stuck in my head all the past TWO weeks.... not sure why but thought I'd repost it......
Music & lyrics: john popper
It doesnt matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that Ill convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But Ive said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it dont matter who you are
If Im doing my job then its your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I dont mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much peter loved her
What made the pan refuse to grow
Was that the hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If youre rin tin tin or anne boleyn
Make a desperate move or else youll win
And then begin
To see
What youre doing to me this mtv is not for free
Its so pc its killing me
So desperately I sing to thee
Of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I cant keep these feelings on the shelf
Ive tried well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but Ive got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
Ill do as Ill decide and let it ride until Ive died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities
To the ground Ive found
I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
Thats really all this was
And when Im feeling stuck and need a buck
I dont rely on luck because...
The hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely
yeah.......... i HAD WON TICKETS to a concert tonight for collective soul, blues traveler and LIVE.... I would have loved to have gone , but didn't work out.... at least my brother Andrew and little sister Addi were able to go in my place, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently listening:
Four
By Blues Traveler
Release date: 1994-09-16
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
another update from hospital...
Current mood: distractable
Category: Life
Another quick update from the hospital.... things seem to be still progressing possitively... I have some sort of internal bleed thing that is going on in my belly but they think its probably harmless and as a result of the 50 pounds or so of water weight that I'm carrying as a result of low kidney function. Besides that, all my blood counts are improving... the diseased cells are decreasing and with my treatment everything else seems to be steadily improving.... Heres some info for anyone who is curious what exactly I have going on.....
it is called HUS/TTP and usually it is something that would be found in childhood, and is some pretty rare wierd shit...theirs lots of conflicting info because it apparently is something so rarely seem that they haven't quite figured out what it is or does or why really..... here's some of what I've been able to dig up...
Hemolytic-uremic syndrome (HUS) and thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura (TTP) are microangiopathic disorders—that is, they are characterized by abnormalities (chiefly blood clots) that occur within the small blood vessels of the body. Both HUS and TTP are distinguished by blood clots within the capillaries and arterioles of many organs... -->more--> Such clotting is associated with hemolytic anemia (low red blood cell count due to cell rupture) and low numbers of platelets (cell-like bodies responsible for blood coagulation).
Hemolytic anemia results from the fragmentation of the red blood cells when they pass through areas of thrombi (masses or clots) or turbulence in the circulation. Such forces shear the cells in half, producing cell remnants that appear as helmets and other odd shapes when viewed under a microscope. In fact, the diagnosis of HUS-TTP is aided by microscopic examination of the blood for sheared red blood cells.
Causes and Risk Factors
Although the exact cause(s) of HUS and TTP are unknown, experts believe that an abnormal, inflammatory reaction within the blood stimulates the deposition of platelet-rich thrombi. It has been observed that a circulating and/or missing factor in the blood perpetuates the process. Therefore, HUS/TTP patients often benefit from treatment that removes the plasma (fluid, non-cellular part of the blood) and replaces it with donor plasma.
Many diseases and conditions have been found to spur the development of HUS and TTP, including:
* Enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli (EHEC) infection. EHEC is a diarrhea-producing bacterium that has been associated with epidemic outbreaks of HUS in children. This particular bacterium (OH157:H7) has been identified in undercooked meat as well as other foods.
* Pneumococcal pneumonia infection
* AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome)
* Drugs, for example, oral contraceptives, chemotherapeutic medications (mitomycin C, bleomycin, cisplatinum), immunosuppressive agents used during organ transplantation (cyclosporin, tacrolimus), stroke-preventing drugs (ticlopidine hydrochloride), quinine
* Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome
* Pregnancy and the postpartum period
Signs and Symptoms
The general symptoms associated of HUS-TTP are quite variable. Purpura (bleeding into the tissues) sometimes can be seen in the skin, and patients often complain of tiredness due to anemia. Some individuals with TTP may have neurological symptoms and fever.
Children who develop hemorrhagic colitis (colon inflammation and bleeding) due to E.coli may become infected as an isolated incident or as part of a large outbreak (e.g., identifiable exposure to food such as undercooked meat). Bloody diarrhea often occurs 3 to 4 days after exposure, with abdominal pain but usually no fever.
Diagnosis
HUS and TTP usually are diagnosed by the combination of low platelets and anemia caused by hemolysis. Other findings may include fever, renal failure, and neurologic abnormalities.
Treatment
It is essential to treat HUS and TTP, as the mortality rate without treatment is close to 90%.
Treatment involves:
* Plasma exchange with fresh plasma—Plasma should be replaced on a daily basis until the platelet count normalizes—typically after 5 to 15 treatments.
* Plasma exchange with cryosupernatant of plasma—Individuals who are resistant to plasmapheresis (plasma removal and transfusion) with fresh plasma may need this more intense, twice daily regimen with plasma cryosupernatant (plasma derivative).
* Additional medication with vincristine and intravenous gammaglobulins
Relapses are not that uncommon in people who have had HUS or TTP. Such cases may require another course of treatment. One study reported a relapse risk of 36% over a 10-year period. Therefore, patients need to be followed-up indefinitely.
Children with ECHC associated HUS tend to have a self-limited disease and only require supportive care, unless there is severe or persistent disease. Prolonged follow-up in these patients is usually not necessary. Unfortunately, adults with ECHC associated HUS often require full treatment similar to that required by patients who have HUS-TTP unrelated to ECHC.
more info....
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000510.htm
HUS/TTP
http://www.emedicine.com/EMERG/topic238.htm
Yeah... the odds of getting this crap is like worse thatn being struck by lighting.... or winning the powerball, lol... Figures right! ;) but the odds of surviving... as you can see, not so hot either, so I'm going to have to count this as Luck and add it to my blessings I think....
I was able to borrow my mama's laptop for the night, so I'll probably be on here for a bit tooling around... I'm actually hooked up to this machine right nw that does my treatment with half of my blood out of me as I type..... very very strange shit... Anywho....... I hope everyone is doing well... I'm going to go try to find something to distract myself from the odd sensation that this creates... Please feel free to send fun comments and such if you are on tonight! LOVE YOU ALL!!
Category: Life
Another quick update from the hospital.... things seem to be still progressing possitively... I have some sort of internal bleed thing that is going on in my belly but they think its probably harmless and as a result of the 50 pounds or so of water weight that I'm carrying as a result of low kidney function. Besides that, all my blood counts are improving... the diseased cells are decreasing and with my treatment everything else seems to be steadily improving.... Heres some info for anyone who is curious what exactly I have going on.....
it is called HUS/TTP and usually it is something that would be found in childhood, and is some pretty rare wierd shit...theirs lots of conflicting info because it apparently is something so rarely seem that they haven't quite figured out what it is or does or why really..... here's some of what I've been able to dig up...
Hemolytic-uremic syndrome (HUS) and thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura (TTP) are microangiopathic disorders—that is, they are characterized by abnormalities (chiefly blood clots) that occur within the small blood vessels of the body. Both HUS and TTP are distinguished by blood clots within the capillaries and arterioles of many organs... -->more--> Such clotting is associated with hemolytic anemia (low red blood cell count due to cell rupture) and low numbers of platelets (cell-like bodies responsible for blood coagulation).
Hemolytic anemia results from the fragmentation of the red blood cells when they pass through areas of thrombi (masses or clots) or turbulence in the circulation. Such forces shear the cells in half, producing cell remnants that appear as helmets and other odd shapes when viewed under a microscope. In fact, the diagnosis of HUS-TTP is aided by microscopic examination of the blood for sheared red blood cells.
Causes and Risk Factors
Although the exact cause(s) of HUS and TTP are unknown, experts believe that an abnormal, inflammatory reaction within the blood stimulates the deposition of platelet-rich thrombi. It has been observed that a circulating and/or missing factor in the blood perpetuates the process. Therefore, HUS/TTP patients often benefit from treatment that removes the plasma (fluid, non-cellular part of the blood) and replaces it with donor plasma.
Many diseases and conditions have been found to spur the development of HUS and TTP, including:
* Enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli (EHEC) infection. EHEC is a diarrhea-producing bacterium that has been associated with epidemic outbreaks of HUS in children. This particular bacterium (OH157:H7) has been identified in undercooked meat as well as other foods.
* Pneumococcal pneumonia infection
* AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome)
* Drugs, for example, oral contraceptives, chemotherapeutic medications (mitomycin C, bleomycin, cisplatinum), immunosuppressive agents used during organ transplantation (cyclosporin, tacrolimus), stroke-preventing drugs (ticlopidine hydrochloride), quinine
* Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome
* Pregnancy and the postpartum period
Signs and Symptoms
The general symptoms associated of HUS-TTP are quite variable. Purpura (bleeding into the tissues) sometimes can be seen in the skin, and patients often complain of tiredness due to anemia. Some individuals with TTP may have neurological symptoms and fever.
Children who develop hemorrhagic colitis (colon inflammation and bleeding) due to E.coli may become infected as an isolated incident or as part of a large outbreak (e.g., identifiable exposure to food such as undercooked meat). Bloody diarrhea often occurs 3 to 4 days after exposure, with abdominal pain but usually no fever.
Diagnosis
HUS and TTP usually are diagnosed by the combination of low platelets and anemia caused by hemolysis. Other findings may include fever, renal failure, and neurologic abnormalities.
Treatment
It is essential to treat HUS and TTP, as the mortality rate without treatment is close to 90%.
Treatment involves:
* Plasma exchange with fresh plasma—Plasma should be replaced on a daily basis until the platelet count normalizes—typically after 5 to 15 treatments.
* Plasma exchange with cryosupernatant of plasma—Individuals who are resistant to plasmapheresis (plasma removal and transfusion) with fresh plasma may need this more intense, twice daily regimen with plasma cryosupernatant (plasma derivative).
* Additional medication with vincristine and intravenous gammaglobulins
Relapses are not that uncommon in people who have had HUS or TTP. Such cases may require another course of treatment. One study reported a relapse risk of 36% over a 10-year period. Therefore, patients need to be followed-up indefinitely.
Children with ECHC associated HUS tend to have a self-limited disease and only require supportive care, unless there is severe or persistent disease. Prolonged follow-up in these patients is usually not necessary. Unfortunately, adults with ECHC associated HUS often require full treatment similar to that required by patients who have HUS-TTP unrelated to ECHC.
more info....
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000510.htm
HUS/TTP
http://www.emedicine.com/EMERG/topic238.htm
Yeah... the odds of getting this crap is like worse thatn being struck by lighting.... or winning the powerball, lol... Figures right! ;) but the odds of surviving... as you can see, not so hot either, so I'm going to have to count this as Luck and add it to my blessings I think....
I was able to borrow my mama's laptop for the night, so I'll probably be on here for a bit tooling around... I'm actually hooked up to this machine right nw that does my treatment with half of my blood out of me as I type..... very very strange shit... Anywho....... I hope everyone is doing well... I'm going to go try to find something to distract myself from the odd sensation that this creates... Please feel free to send fun comments and such if you are on tonight! LOVE YOU ALL!!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
My update from the hospital - From Kalee
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life
Hello everyone, It is actually me Kalee this time. I am still hospital bound but feeling a little better everyday. Its been a very very hard painful and terrifying road the past month, but believe it or not , one I would not change a thing about. I have had so much time to do some serious soul searching that I feel like I have morphed into a brand new person... I guess staring death in his big ole bloodshot eyes will do that to a person..... The roughest past of this has been being away from Lennon..... its been around a month since I've really been with him...Which sadly (and obviously among other things) means he was involuntarily weaned... and today he came to visit for the first time and cried and wanted nothing to do with me... I guess it's to be expected based on the circumstances....
Meanwhile the rest of my bonds with my family have grown and strengthed in ways I never could have concieved.......I have a very limited batterey life to be writing here so I can't really go into details of my sickness, but suffice to say that its one of those diseases that there is not textbook on and its a 50 50 crapshoot..shot at making it through..... some of my treatment involves removing all of my blood and plasma and replacing it with donor plasma, to keep my kidneys from shutting down.... sort of like dialysis.... DOn't want to scare you all too much, and so far it is working so its a good thing!! my battery is low, but I just wanted to touch base with everyone and let you all know I'm still alive and kicking.... not planning on leaving you all anytime soon! I've realized how much more living I NEED to do and I'm fighting this monster with all I got in me. on some positive notes, I have met some absolutely amazing people during all of this. One or two that I could concieve of being lifelong friends with,and others that I'll probably never see again but who have changed me forever for the better. I have seen love and compassion in this place that I've had never concieved existed.... Which is why............... I have decided that my calling in life is to become a NURSE. As soon as I am back on my feet I have decided to attend nursing school! It goes much deeper that I can explain here, but the things I have seen and people I have met have inspired me so much and the more I think about it it and meditate on it the more sense it makes for my life and who I need to be to be fulfilled. I plan on incorporating my love of all things hippie and natural of course, but I have learned so much about the very necessary place of western medicine and how the two could be used in conjunction to save so many lifes and give care and comfort..... Anyways I ramble as usual (some things will never change ;)) I have a few other things I need to do before my battery dies...... I just want to finish up by telling you all I loved you so much and am so very greateful to know you all and to be so lucky to be abe to be here to tell you all this... Please don't take life for granted... take it from me that it is the most precious and fragile thing..... Make the most of it, I intend to from here on out.... The hope is that i'll be out of here is the next week or two.... In the meantime I would love and welcome any visitors and company... I'm a little puffy and mishapen but II'm feeling more life myself each day! I'm at hartford hospital and have been moving rooms quite a bit but If you ask for mmy info at the desk you should be able to track me down. Currently I am in Bliss 1126-2 and my direct linw is 8605450673. I look forward to hearing from some of you all! These four walls are getting a little old! ;))) Love and Peace my friends!
Currently reading:
Running With Scissors
By Augusten Burroughs
Category: Life
Hello everyone, It is actually me Kalee this time. I am still hospital bound but feeling a little better everyday. Its been a very very hard painful and terrifying road the past month, but believe it or not , one I would not change a thing about. I have had so much time to do some serious soul searching that I feel like I have morphed into a brand new person... I guess staring death in his big ole bloodshot eyes will do that to a person..... The roughest past of this has been being away from Lennon..... its been around a month since I've really been with him...Which sadly (and obviously among other things) means he was involuntarily weaned... and today he came to visit for the first time and cried and wanted nothing to do with me... I guess it's to be expected based on the circumstances....
Meanwhile the rest of my bonds with my family have grown and strengthed in ways I never could have concieved.......I have a very limited batterey life to be writing here so I can't really go into details of my sickness, but suffice to say that its one of those diseases that there is not textbook on and its a 50 50 crapshoot..shot at making it through..... some of my treatment involves removing all of my blood and plasma and replacing it with donor plasma, to keep my kidneys from shutting down.... sort of like dialysis.... DOn't want to scare you all too much, and so far it is working so its a good thing!! my battery is low, but I just wanted to touch base with everyone and let you all know I'm still alive and kicking.... not planning on leaving you all anytime soon! I've realized how much more living I NEED to do and I'm fighting this monster with all I got in me. on some positive notes, I have met some absolutely amazing people during all of this. One or two that I could concieve of being lifelong friends with,and others that I'll probably never see again but who have changed me forever for the better. I have seen love and compassion in this place that I've had never concieved existed.... Which is why............... I have decided that my calling in life is to become a NURSE. As soon as I am back on my feet I have decided to attend nursing school! It goes much deeper that I can explain here, but the things I have seen and people I have met have inspired me so much and the more I think about it it and meditate on it the more sense it makes for my life and who I need to be to be fulfilled. I plan on incorporating my love of all things hippie and natural of course, but I have learned so much about the very necessary place of western medicine and how the two could be used in conjunction to save so many lifes and give care and comfort..... Anyways I ramble as usual (some things will never change ;)) I have a few other things I need to do before my battery dies...... I just want to finish up by telling you all I loved you so much and am so very greateful to know you all and to be so lucky to be abe to be here to tell you all this... Please don't take life for granted... take it from me that it is the most precious and fragile thing..... Make the most of it, I intend to from here on out.... The hope is that i'll be out of here is the next week or two.... In the meantime I would love and welcome any visitors and company... I'm a little puffy and mishapen but II'm feeling more life myself each day! I'm at hartford hospital and have been moving rooms quite a bit but If you ask for mmy info at the desk you should be able to track me down. Currently I am in Bliss 1126-2 and my direct linw is 8605450673. I look forward to hearing from some of you all! These four walls are getting a little old! ;))) Love and Peace my friends!
Currently reading:
Running With Scissors
By Augusten Burroughs
Sunday, July 27, 2008
from kalee’s mom
Hello everyone
I wanted to let you all know that, Kalee is very sick.
She has been in Hartford Hospital for 15 days.
She got E-coli from raw milk, at least
thats what it looks like happened. You might have heard it
on the news or read it in the newspaper, about
an organic farm in Simsbury, CT getting closed down (Town Farm Dairy) . 3 other people in the state are sick with e-coli. The only common link is they drank milk from that dairy. I hacked into her myspace to tell you, and to ask everyone to pray and send good wishes her way. She really is not up for any company right now. I will let you know when she is . But she really could use some PRAYER, LOVE, and HOPE from all of you.
Kalee's mom - Karen
I wanted to let you all know that, Kalee is very sick.
She has been in Hartford Hospital for 15 days.
She got E-coli from raw milk, at least
thats what it looks like happened. You might have heard it
on the news or read it in the newspaper, about
an organic farm in Simsbury, CT getting closed down (Town Farm Dairy) . 3 other people in the state are sick with e-coli. The only common link is they drank milk from that dairy. I hacked into her myspace to tell you, and to ask everyone to pray and send good wishes her way. She really is not up for any company right now. I will let you know when she is . But she really could use some PRAYER, LOVE, and HOPE from all of you.
Kalee's mom - Karen
Monday, July 7, 2008
food poisoning and the week from hell....
Current mood: sick
Category: Life
Lennon and I have just had the week from hell... hopefully it is drawing to a close now! Don't have too much time to write, just wanted to give a quick update though... On Monday Lennon and I were in a bicycle accident which, despite my best efforts to prevent the bike from going over, resulted in Lennon's little head (helmeted thankfully) violently striking the sidewalk cement, Lennon's knee being skinned, and him being pretty shook up. His Helmet was cracked, and he was shaking and crying hysterically after the crash and so I called 911 and we were treated to a trip to the ER for a more thorough lookover... Turned out he was fine and had no signs of any serious head injuries or anything... I skinned a knee and sprained my ankle, pulled muscles and just generally felt like I had been in a bad carwreck the next day or two (though Lennon was back to his old cheery happy golucky self within 24 hours... little kids are AMAZINGLY reslilient I guess!
So one would think this was enough trauma for the week, but starting that very night (monday) I started having some serious nausea waves, which I chalked up to upset nerves from said bikeing incident.... Tuesday they were a little worse, but still far from terrible. by wednesday they had gotten bad enough to be a nuisance (but still not bad enough to make me see that eating normally might not be the best oof ideas...) until I decided to stop for a grinder and a scoop of ice cream with Lennon... about an hour or so after that I suddenly was beset by horrible (HORRIBLE) stomach cramping and the lovely diarrhea that came along with them... This progressed throughout the night and by morning it had gotten to the unbearable point.... to put it bluntly and possibly TMI but, I would compare it to being in labor with child.... only in the stomach and ass regions.... hospital gave me drugs to take the edge off the pain, CT scan to make sure it wasn't some unknown internal trauma caused by the bike accident earlier in the week. And gave me some super strong antibiotic junk cause my mom mentioned that my grandfather had been ill for 8 previous months with this super intestinal bug, C-Diff. I left the hospital not knowing any more than I had going in, but felt quite bit better (from the drugs)... that lasted for mere hours before the drugs wore off and for the next 48 hours the majority of my life was spent praying for either the pain to stop or for lightning to strike me dead and put me out of my misery. Thankfully my mom and Addi were able to watch Lennon for much of that (including through that first night) which was help in one huge way, but in another a whole other arena of TORTURE for him and I.... Plus he has hardly nursed this whole time because of the drugs I am taking. I put off starting the antibiotics for two days (since I was hoping to wait it out and let it resolve itself) until I could no longer take the pain and in a moment of desperation I started taking them....
It's over 2 days later and Now I am starting to feel slightly better.... well enough to eat a bit of white rice yesterday, and some banana and oatmeal today.... I've lost almost 10 pounds this week, and feel so WEAK! but hopefully things are looking up.... I still have almost 4 days of antibiotics to take and I'm not even entirely sure that they did a damn thing to begin with.... and I can't nurse Lennon until they are done with.... poor kid does NOT understand at all why he can't nurse, and has been (as is to be expected) putting up quite a fight about it.... I tried giving him a bottle of goats milk to substitute for this week, but he wasn't having it.... I am really hoping that this all works out... that I don't end up with some other crazy sickness from these damned antibiotics.... and that Lennon doesn't end up weaned in such an unfortunate way... This is SO FAR from the happy and healthy way that I want our nursing relationship to end someday.... Anywho.... thats all my news for now... oh yeah, on the lighter side of things, I was finally able to sell my car in the midst of the horrible week, and for only a little less than I paid for it a year ago, so now I've got enough money to buy a more Kalee-friendly car :) .......yeah........um... hope all is well for you my friends! Thats all folks!
Currently reading:
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
By Robert Pirsig
Release date: 1984-03-01
Category: Life
Lennon and I have just had the week from hell... hopefully it is drawing to a close now! Don't have too much time to write, just wanted to give a quick update though... On Monday Lennon and I were in a bicycle accident which, despite my best efforts to prevent the bike from going over, resulted in Lennon's little head (helmeted thankfully) violently striking the sidewalk cement, Lennon's knee being skinned, and him being pretty shook up. His Helmet was cracked, and he was shaking and crying hysterically after the crash and so I called 911 and we were treated to a trip to the ER for a more thorough lookover... Turned out he was fine and had no signs of any serious head injuries or anything... I skinned a knee and sprained my ankle, pulled muscles and just generally felt like I had been in a bad carwreck the next day or two (though Lennon was back to his old cheery happy golucky self within 24 hours... little kids are AMAZINGLY reslilient I guess!
So one would think this was enough trauma for the week, but starting that very night (monday) I started having some serious nausea waves, which I chalked up to upset nerves from said bikeing incident.... Tuesday they were a little worse, but still far from terrible. by wednesday they had gotten bad enough to be a nuisance (but still not bad enough to make me see that eating normally might not be the best oof ideas...) until I decided to stop for a grinder and a scoop of ice cream with Lennon... about an hour or so after that I suddenly was beset by horrible (HORRIBLE) stomach cramping and the lovely diarrhea that came along with them... This progressed throughout the night and by morning it had gotten to the unbearable point.... to put it bluntly and possibly TMI but, I would compare it to being in labor with child.... only in the stomach and ass regions.... hospital gave me drugs to take the edge off the pain, CT scan to make sure it wasn't some unknown internal trauma caused by the bike accident earlier in the week. And gave me some super strong antibiotic junk cause my mom mentioned that my grandfather had been ill for 8 previous months with this super intestinal bug, C-Diff. I left the hospital not knowing any more than I had going in, but felt quite bit better (from the drugs)... that lasted for mere hours before the drugs wore off and for the next 48 hours the majority of my life was spent praying for either the pain to stop or for lightning to strike me dead and put me out of my misery. Thankfully my mom and Addi were able to watch Lennon for much of that (including through that first night) which was help in one huge way, but in another a whole other arena of TORTURE for him and I.... Plus he has hardly nursed this whole time because of the drugs I am taking. I put off starting the antibiotics for two days (since I was hoping to wait it out and let it resolve itself) until I could no longer take the pain and in a moment of desperation I started taking them....
It's over 2 days later and Now I am starting to feel slightly better.... well enough to eat a bit of white rice yesterday, and some banana and oatmeal today.... I've lost almost 10 pounds this week, and feel so WEAK! but hopefully things are looking up.... I still have almost 4 days of antibiotics to take and I'm not even entirely sure that they did a damn thing to begin with.... and I can't nurse Lennon until they are done with.... poor kid does NOT understand at all why he can't nurse, and has been (as is to be expected) putting up quite a fight about it.... I tried giving him a bottle of goats milk to substitute for this week, but he wasn't having it.... I am really hoping that this all works out... that I don't end up with some other crazy sickness from these damned antibiotics.... and that Lennon doesn't end up weaned in such an unfortunate way... This is SO FAR from the happy and healthy way that I want our nursing relationship to end someday.... Anywho.... thats all my news for now... oh yeah, on the lighter side of things, I was finally able to sell my car in the midst of the horrible week, and for only a little less than I paid for it a year ago, so now I've got enough money to buy a more Kalee-friendly car :) .......yeah........um... hope all is well for you my friends! Thats all folks!
Currently reading:
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
By Robert Pirsig
Release date: 1984-03-01
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
ATTN: selling car and looking for new one! please read!
Current mood: angsty
Category: Automotive
LOOKING FOR CAR/SELLING CAR please read! :) Hi folks,
Just wanted to put the word out that I am selling my vehicle and am looking for a new one. If you (or someone you know) can help with either of these please shoot me a message or if on my friends list give me a call (see just posted bulletin for number) and if no answer LM with number and best time to call back.
... here are more details:
SELLING:
1993 Explorer, needs to go ASAP! It is a burgundy/eggplant color, 4 dr, pw, pl, ps, abs, roof rack, cruise control, interior is in great shape, non smoking current owner, mechanically sound as far as I am aware, tires in good shape, low milage for the year (130,000ish).... (pics available upon request!) A couple small spots of rust (as is typical of a vehicle 15 years old!), nothing major... This is a GREAT car, just not what I need at present! Asking $1100.00 (KBB value at least $1800.00!) OBO. Would also consider a trade for anything with more than 2 seats that runs on diesel! Please email or call! Preference given to quickest response! Thanks!
LOOKING FOR:
Something on the smaller side, preferably wagon or hatchback style... volvo, VW, older Mercedes Benz wagons, etc.. something along those lines... Prefer Diesel as I would like to try doing a veggie conversion, but would consider gasoline for now is the price was right :) Looking to spend no more than $1000.00.... or trade for whatever services or goods I might have of interest to buyer (my explorer, baby items, art, yardwork, odd jobs, babysitting, etc, etc)
THANKS FOR READING, and have a heckufa day :)
Category: Automotive
LOOKING FOR CAR/SELLING CAR please read! :) Hi folks,
Just wanted to put the word out that I am selling my vehicle and am looking for a new one. If you (or someone you know) can help with either of these please shoot me a message or if on my friends list give me a call (see just posted bulletin for number) and if no answer LM with number and best time to call back.
... here are more details:
SELLING:
1993 Explorer, needs to go ASAP! It is a burgundy/eggplant color, 4 dr, pw, pl, ps, abs, roof rack, cruise control, interior is in great shape, non smoking current owner, mechanically sound as far as I am aware, tires in good shape, low milage for the year (130,000ish).... (pics available upon request!) A couple small spots of rust (as is typical of a vehicle 15 years old!), nothing major... This is a GREAT car, just not what I need at present! Asking $1100.00 (KBB value at least $1800.00!) OBO. Would also consider a trade for anything with more than 2 seats that runs on diesel! Please email or call! Preference given to quickest response! Thanks!
LOOKING FOR:
Something on the smaller side, preferably wagon or hatchback style... volvo, VW, older Mercedes Benz wagons, etc.. something along those lines... Prefer Diesel as I would like to try doing a veggie conversion, but would consider gasoline for now is the price was right :) Looking to spend no more than $1000.00.... or trade for whatever services or goods I might have of interest to buyer (my explorer, baby items, art, yardwork, odd jobs, babysitting, etc, etc)
THANKS FOR READING, and have a heckufa day :)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The Religion...
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Late one evening... in a sort of a spiritual trance, Dr. Bronner told me that absolute cleanliness is Godliness... and I believed...
In the state of absolute cleanliness a voice came unto me that spoke of one of the keys to my freedom... of humility... of loosing the vainty of shine and silky strands... and allowing the matting of nature to reclaim my locks... and I believed...
I have read... I have searched in the nooks and crevices of life... I have approached all with a wish to understand... I have been told that to every life who seeks, the answer will be found... and I believe....
I have learned of certain indisputable truths... of poisons and perfumes.... of healing and health... I am chubbier than ever at present... but paradoxically healthier than ever... I have been shown, guided, and taught a medicine that trancends the toxins and chemicals upon which foolish man places so much trust.... I am learning of the amazing marvel which is the bodies we possess... and their unmistakable ability to heal themselves when freed from the toxic life most of us have come to accept as the standard.... and I believe....
I have learned of the tampering of mad scientists and billionaires.... in laboratories of dirt they shall grow their frankenfruits.... of the future of your meats... COW Version 1.5 has already infiltrated your local stop and slop..... the cloning has begun.... The gene guns already fired... countless species of plant already lost forever to the profitable corporate approved test-tube altered few.... The hormone have already seeped into your frosty chocolate milk and breakfast cereal... The results apparent on the swelling chest of prepubecent girls the world over... I have been told of the disasterous effect of the patenting of LIFE ITSELF... human guinea pig tested. government approved. AND I BELIEVE.
I have seen the hypocrisy.... the lies... The maniputation of my brothers and sisters... mother and father.... before my very eyes. A tube... a screen... telling us all what to think... how to be.... what to see... what we are to believe of this purposely constructed ridgid structure of fear, called "Reality TV".... I have heard the shepard dogs... I have opened my eyes... to a promise that there can be a better tommorrow if we would all just stand up and take notice of this world we live in... The nature which has nutured us from the beginning of humankind... the beautiful dark rich earth beneath our feets which we have all turned our backs on... It is the only solid truth... and all that is worth breaking ourselves over... She is REAL. this I have learned... and I BELIEVE....
an awakening is coming.... a revolution that has not yet been seen by the massess... a revelation in the heart and soul... of all that connects us in spite of all that seek to divide us.... The soldiers are rising up.... with a passion that cannot be bought with college tuition.... No matter the religion... the face... the pigmentation of our skin and the color of our eyes... we will not go back into slavery.... we will not give up this air we breathe without a fight... we will not lay down and close our eyes... numbed by the matrix of endless useless pointless bullshit they have built.... the shackles of suits and computer keyboards they have set out..... the camps they have built to shield us from the TERROR of living.... We will not lose our freedom to apathy and cowardice... We are not going out like that..... One way or another we will all be one..... ALL ONE or ALL NONE.
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Late one evening... in a sort of a spiritual trance, Dr. Bronner told me that absolute cleanliness is Godliness... and I believed...
In the state of absolute cleanliness a voice came unto me that spoke of one of the keys to my freedom... of humility... of loosing the vainty of shine and silky strands... and allowing the matting of nature to reclaim my locks... and I believed...
I have read... I have searched in the nooks and crevices of life... I have approached all with a wish to understand... I have been told that to every life who seeks, the answer will be found... and I believe....
I have learned of certain indisputable truths... of poisons and perfumes.... of healing and health... I am chubbier than ever at present... but paradoxically healthier than ever... I have been shown, guided, and taught a medicine that trancends the toxins and chemicals upon which foolish man places so much trust.... I am learning of the amazing marvel which is the bodies we possess... and their unmistakable ability to heal themselves when freed from the toxic life most of us have come to accept as the standard.... and I believe....
I have learned of the tampering of mad scientists and billionaires.... in laboratories of dirt they shall grow their frankenfruits.... of the future of your meats... COW Version 1.5 has already infiltrated your local stop and slop..... the cloning has begun.... The gene guns already fired... countless species of plant already lost forever to the profitable corporate approved test-tube altered few.... The hormone have already seeped into your frosty chocolate milk and breakfast cereal... The results apparent on the swelling chest of prepubecent girls the world over... I have been told of the disasterous effect of the patenting of LIFE ITSELF... human guinea pig tested. government approved. AND I BELIEVE.
I have seen the hypocrisy.... the lies... The maniputation of my brothers and sisters... mother and father.... before my very eyes. A tube... a screen... telling us all what to think... how to be.... what to see... what we are to believe of this purposely constructed ridgid structure of fear, called "Reality TV".... I have heard the shepard dogs... I have opened my eyes... to a promise that there can be a better tommorrow if we would all just stand up and take notice of this world we live in... The nature which has nutured us from the beginning of humankind... the beautiful dark rich earth beneath our feets which we have all turned our backs on... It is the only solid truth... and all that is worth breaking ourselves over... She is REAL. this I have learned... and I BELIEVE....
an awakening is coming.... a revolution that has not yet been seen by the massess... a revelation in the heart and soul... of all that connects us in spite of all that seek to divide us.... The soldiers are rising up.... with a passion that cannot be bought with college tuition.... No matter the religion... the face... the pigmentation of our skin and the color of our eyes... we will not go back into slavery.... we will not give up this air we breathe without a fight... we will not lay down and close our eyes... numbed by the matrix of endless useless pointless bullshit they have built.... the shackles of suits and computer keyboards they have set out..... the camps they have built to shield us from the TERROR of living.... We will not lose our freedom to apathy and cowardice... We are not going out like that..... One way or another we will all be one..... ALL ONE or ALL NONE.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Vaccine Adverse Reactions.... yummy stuff
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
Risks outweigh the benefits?
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
Risks outweigh the benefits?
Prove No Harm!
Current mood: determined
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
good read, short but to the point
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
good read, short but to the point
Friday, May 9, 2008
Fluoride: Miracle drug or toxic-waste killer?
Current mood: vehement
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
Veeeeeerrrryy interesting.... Hey you, whats in YOUR drinking water?
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
Veeeeeerrrryy interesting.... Hey you, whats in YOUR drinking water?
MMR VACCINE and Acetaminophen Use. What You Should Know!
Current mood: froggy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
Very good info esp. for parents or expectant parents!
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog....
Very good info esp. for parents or expectant parents!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
how do you spell A-S-S-H-O-L-E?
Current mood: disappointed
Bush and Dick were in Connecticut today! (or maybe it was just bush)... i so wish i had known ahead of time... My little brother andrews got some tubs of night crawlers in the fridge.. I SO WOULD HAVE loved to have dropped by and tossed some of those big ole worms at 'em..... ;) not that it woulda made a whole heck of a lot of difference to anything but seems like as good a reason as any to get arrested :) LOL! My mom said she woulda gone too (armed to the teeth with TOMATOS!) lol :) ah well.. there's always next time! on that note i'm gonna stop procrastinating and get some work done, tah tah!
Kalee
Bush and Dick were in Connecticut today! (or maybe it was just bush)... i so wish i had known ahead of time... My little brother andrews got some tubs of night crawlers in the fridge.. I SO WOULD HAVE loved to have dropped by and tossed some of those big ole worms at 'em..... ;) not that it woulda made a whole heck of a lot of difference to anything but seems like as good a reason as any to get arrested :) LOL! My mom said she woulda gone too (armed to the teeth with TOMATOS!) lol :) ah well.. there's always next time! on that note i'm gonna stop procrastinating and get some work done, tah tah!
Kalee
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
THIS IS WHY I PARENT AU NATURALE!
Current mood: exhausted
So today my brought my Lennon to the beach for the first time. He was in AWE of the atlantic... loved the sand, and i think he might be part doggy cause he was diggin like crazy!! He even seemed to enjoy his first taste of sand (which he managed to sneak in when i turned my head for a mere SECOND n a half)!! now.. some would say that I am a pretty natural minded person, and momma... my sister in law likes to tease me that everything has to be "100 % organic all natural yaks wool based" in order for me to use it... breastfeeding.. all natural bath products... cosleeping.. no vaccines.. etc... you name... i do it. BUT i do not do any of this stuff because i am trying to be a nonconformist conformist.. or because i am hellbent on only going the natural route.. i simply like to be informed.. i like to know all angles before i make parenting choices.. and 99 % of the time my information leads me to make the natural choice.... today i went against my better judgement when i brought Lennon to the beach, and SURE ENOUGH....
Now I am not a fan of all the chemicals that are laced through our body products... i will not use anything with sodium laurel sulfides.. aluminum... harsh alcohols.. etc... from toothpaste, to lotions.... i READ LABELS, and I KNOW WHAT I am looking for and what I refuse to use.... Since the day he left the hospital my son has not had a non natural product used on his skin... head to toe, wipes, shampoo, powder etc.... and NOW I remember why... Today I went against my better judgement and used sunscreen on my son and myself... I HATE sunscreen.. years of using bath and bodyworks, pantene, colgate, etc, has made my skin HIGHLY sensitive to many many environmental factors, and i am trying to prevent this from becoming the case with my son... today i used sunscreen... my gut told me NOT TO.. to use hats, clothing, umbrellas.. and take my chances with the sun rather than lather us up in every chemical in the free world... even the "natural" variety that i bought has all sorts of nonnatural sounding things in it (which comes from the complete and total lack of standards for what health and beauty products can be labeled as natural or organic)... but I caved into conventional thinking... I took that creamy white paste containing god knows what and smeared it all over my baby's milky white skin, top to bottom.. and then on my own arms and legs and nose....Istarted thinking maybe i was being too paranoid... or maybe i needed to lighten up with the all natural nutty crunchy thing.... but sure enough: within an hour of slathering sunscreen on Lennon and myself, he was covered, belly, knees and arms, elbows and legs with horrible red hives! poor baby looked like he wanted to jump out of his skin. I have spent the entire afternoon and evening up until a few hours ago, washing and rewashing him, myself, our blankets, sheets, clothes, etc to get every trace of that nasty nasty stuff off of us, and putting cool clothes on him to ease his discomfort. The poor boy is still covered with hives, as is the back of my arms and legs... I thank god that the allergic reaction wasn't worse and for the valuable lesson of the day: ALWAYS trust your gut. and, that most man made chemicals are as bad as i had previously thought (maybe worse)! on that note i am gonna go cuddle up with my 100% bamboo onesied Lennon in our nice clean organic (100% pure yakswool) sheeted bed and catch some Z's. BE well all!
Kalee
Currently reading:
Natural Baby and Childcare: Practical Medical Advice and Holistic Wisdom for Raising Healthy Children
By Lauren Feder
Release date: 17 March, 2006
So today my brought my Lennon to the beach for the first time. He was in AWE of the atlantic... loved the sand, and i think he might be part doggy cause he was diggin like crazy!! He even seemed to enjoy his first taste of sand (which he managed to sneak in when i turned my head for a mere SECOND n a half)!! now.. some would say that I am a pretty natural minded person, and momma... my sister in law likes to tease me that everything has to be "100 % organic all natural yaks wool based" in order for me to use it... breastfeeding.. all natural bath products... cosleeping.. no vaccines.. etc... you name... i do it. BUT i do not do any of this stuff because i am trying to be a nonconformist conformist.. or because i am hellbent on only going the natural route.. i simply like to be informed.. i like to know all angles before i make parenting choices.. and 99 % of the time my information leads me to make the natural choice.... today i went against my better judgement when i brought Lennon to the beach, and SURE ENOUGH....
Now I am not a fan of all the chemicals that are laced through our body products... i will not use anything with sodium laurel sulfides.. aluminum... harsh alcohols.. etc... from toothpaste, to lotions.... i READ LABELS, and I KNOW WHAT I am looking for and what I refuse to use.... Since the day he left the hospital my son has not had a non natural product used on his skin... head to toe, wipes, shampoo, powder etc.... and NOW I remember why... Today I went against my better judgement and used sunscreen on my son and myself... I HATE sunscreen.. years of using bath and bodyworks, pantene, colgate, etc, has made my skin HIGHLY sensitive to many many environmental factors, and i am trying to prevent this from becoming the case with my son... today i used sunscreen... my gut told me NOT TO.. to use hats, clothing, umbrellas.. and take my chances with the sun rather than lather us up in every chemical in the free world... even the "natural" variety that i bought has all sorts of nonnatural sounding things in it (which comes from the complete and total lack of standards for what health and beauty products can be labeled as natural or organic)... but I caved into conventional thinking... I took that creamy white paste containing god knows what and smeared it all over my baby's milky white skin, top to bottom.. and then on my own arms and legs and nose....Istarted thinking maybe i was being too paranoid... or maybe i needed to lighten up with the all natural nutty crunchy thing.... but sure enough: within an hour of slathering sunscreen on Lennon and myself, he was covered, belly, knees and arms, elbows and legs with horrible red hives! poor baby looked like he wanted to jump out of his skin. I have spent the entire afternoon and evening up until a few hours ago, washing and rewashing him, myself, our blankets, sheets, clothes, etc to get every trace of that nasty nasty stuff off of us, and putting cool clothes on him to ease his discomfort. The poor boy is still covered with hives, as is the back of my arms and legs... I thank god that the allergic reaction wasn't worse and for the valuable lesson of the day: ALWAYS trust your gut. and, that most man made chemicals are as bad as i had previously thought (maybe worse)! on that note i am gonna go cuddle up with my 100% bamboo onesied Lennon in our nice clean organic (100% pure yakswool) sheeted bed and catch some Z's. BE well all!
Kalee
Currently reading:
Natural Baby and Childcare: Practical Medical Advice and Holistic Wisdom for Raising Healthy Children
By Lauren Feder
Release date: 17 March, 2006
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
It may as well be able to walk your fucking dog!
Current mood: excited
SO... I got part of my tax return back and finally got myself my laptop i've been wanting since forever. My buusiness will be back up and fully functional VERY SOON now and i am psyched about that! Has anyone else bought a new computer lately??? So far i find Windows Vista slightly annoying (have you seen the mac commercial with the secretservice agent looking guy that keeps telling "PC" what is happening and asking permission to allow?? ITS TRUE! and if you haven't seen it, basically Vista has little warnings that pop up for EVERYTHING asking if you want to give permission for programs to open, etc... a bit of a nuisance...) ANYWAY. One thing i need to babble joyously about... anyone else used this new program ONE NOTE that comes with Microsoft office?? I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT THIS PROGRAM! It is basically a virtual catch all.. sorta like a scratch pad where you can freehand, create diagrams, type, paste photos, screen shots, highlight, tag words for later indexing, add audio or video.. etc... You can drag and drop things anywhere you want and it automatically saves. You can email right from the program and it automatically converts the page into html so that the other person doesn't even need to have the program. You can upload to your blog by simply clicking "blog this" on the dropdown menu. you can highlight test and tell it to send to outlook and it will automatically place it on your calender or task list in outlook and it will remain connected so that if you edit it later both onenote and outlook will always have the same information.You can create unlimited notebooks with unlimited pages in unlimited files, easily reorganize your "pages" in your "notebooks" and you can go back and search for a word or phrase and it will find it in TEXT, handwritin and (GET THIS SHIT!) It'll even recognize the word in a PHOTO!! Sorry i sound like an infomercial or something but thiis program has got me SO freaking excited. It is going to make my life so much easier! It comes with a mobile version too and so i'm finally pulling out the Pocket PC i paid 300.00 for 4 years ago that i never used. I can't wait to get this shit organized and figure it all out so that i can use it for my business, i'll actually be able to have a separate page for every customer where i can paste pictures of examples, swatches, jot notes, copy and paste payment receipts and emails from the customer and have everything all in one place and then i can link each one to outlook so i'll automatically be able to tell what is coming up to the deadline i'm supposed to have stuff sent out by.. and ... and ... and :) I'm going nuts with happiness here if ya'll couldn't tell! Seriously, if you don't have this program, make sure you check it out... If you can't buy it... i'm not gonna say that you should rip a copy of someone elses but..... ;) lol ANYWHO... I'm gonna go tool around more with this program and i wanna head off to bed soon. BE GOOD EVERYONE! :)
Kalee ( yes i know i am WAY too excited about this damn program... but its the most futuristic program i've ever seen.. its like straight from startrek or somethin!)
P.S. Captains log stardate 2 0 0 6: today i..... lol ;)
SO... I got part of my tax return back and finally got myself my laptop i've been wanting since forever. My buusiness will be back up and fully functional VERY SOON now and i am psyched about that! Has anyone else bought a new computer lately??? So far i find Windows Vista slightly annoying (have you seen the mac commercial with the secretservice agent looking guy that keeps telling "PC" what is happening and asking permission to allow?? ITS TRUE! and if you haven't seen it, basically Vista has little warnings that pop up for EVERYTHING asking if you want to give permission for programs to open, etc... a bit of a nuisance...) ANYWAY. One thing i need to babble joyously about... anyone else used this new program ONE NOTE that comes with Microsoft office?? I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT THIS PROGRAM! It is basically a virtual catch all.. sorta like a scratch pad where you can freehand, create diagrams, type, paste photos, screen shots, highlight, tag words for later indexing, add audio or video.. etc... You can drag and drop things anywhere you want and it automatically saves. You can email right from the program and it automatically converts the page into html so that the other person doesn't even need to have the program. You can upload to your blog by simply clicking "blog this" on the dropdown menu. you can highlight test and tell it to send to outlook and it will automatically place it on your calender or task list in outlook and it will remain connected so that if you edit it later both onenote and outlook will always have the same information.You can create unlimited notebooks with unlimited pages in unlimited files, easily reorganize your "pages" in your "notebooks" and you can go back and search for a word or phrase and it will find it in TEXT, handwritin and (GET THIS SHIT!) It'll even recognize the word in a PHOTO!! Sorry i sound like an infomercial or something but thiis program has got me SO freaking excited. It is going to make my life so much easier! It comes with a mobile version too and so i'm finally pulling out the Pocket PC i paid 300.00 for 4 years ago that i never used. I can't wait to get this shit organized and figure it all out so that i can use it for my business, i'll actually be able to have a separate page for every customer where i can paste pictures of examples, swatches, jot notes, copy and paste payment receipts and emails from the customer and have everything all in one place and then i can link each one to outlook so i'll automatically be able to tell what is coming up to the deadline i'm supposed to have stuff sent out by.. and ... and ... and :) I'm going nuts with happiness here if ya'll couldn't tell! Seriously, if you don't have this program, make sure you check it out... If you can't buy it... i'm not gonna say that you should rip a copy of someone elses but..... ;) lol ANYWHO... I'm gonna go tool around more with this program and i wanna head off to bed soon. BE GOOD EVERYONE! :)
Kalee ( yes i know i am WAY too excited about this damn program... but its the most futuristic program i've ever seen.. its like straight from startrek or somethin!)
P.S. Captains log stardate 2 0 0 6: today i..... lol ;)
The Terribly, Tragically Sad Man
Current mood: happy
I read this story in a readers digest when i was 12 years old... and then reread it again a few months ago when i stumbled on the magazine which i saved in a box of junk..... TO ANYBODY THAT THINKS THAT I SHOULD BE UNHAPPY JUST BECAUSE THE DREAMS OF MY CHILDHOOD AND TEEN YEARS (childish dreams that they where) ARE GONE.... PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THEY HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY A NEW DREAM... One with much more meaning and the only LIFE meant for me (and my beautiful son who is NOT A MISTAKE A BURDEN OR A REGRET, BUT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND who has given me my reason for being!).... Please read this story all... i am pretty sure that everyone on this earth could stand to learn something from it.. :)
The Terribly, Tragic Sad Man
-Loren Seibold-
Once there was a boy who lived in a big house on a hill. He loved dogs and horses, sports cars and music. He climbed trees and went swimming, played football and admired pretty girls. Except for having to pick up after himself, he had a nice life.
One day the boy said to God, "I've been thinking, and I know what I want when I become a man." ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />
"What?" asked God.
"I want to live in a big house with a porch across the front and two Saint Bernards and a garden out back. I want to marry a woman who is tall and very beautiful and kind, who has long, black hair and blue eyes, and who plays the guitar and sings in a clear, high voice.
"I want three strong sons to play football with. When they grow up, one will be a great scientist, one will be a senator and the youngest will quarterback for the 49ers.
"I want to be an adventurer who sails vast oceans and climbs tall mountains and rescues people. And I want to drive a red Ferrari and never have to pick up after myself."
"That sounds like a nice dream," said God. "I want you to be happy."
One day, playing football, the boy hurt his knee. After that he couldn't climb tall mountains or even tall trees, much less sail vast oceans. So he studied marketing and started a medical-supplies business.
He married a girl who was very beautiful and very kind and who had long, black hair. But she was short, not tall, and had brown eyes, not blue. She couldn't play the guitar, or even sing. But she prepared wonderful meals seasoned with rare Chinese spices and painted magnificent pictures of birds.
Because of his business, he lived in a city near the top of a tall apartment building that overlooked the blue ocean and the city's twinkling lights. He didn't have room for two Saint Bernards, but he had a fluffy cat.
He had three daughters, all very beautiful. The youngest, who was in a wheelchair, was the loveliest. The three daughters loved their father very much. They didn't play football with him, but sometimes they went to the park and tossed a Fris-bee ---except for the youngest, who sat under a tree strumming her guitar and singing lovely, haunting songs.
He made enough money to live comfortably, but he didn't drive a red Ferrari. Sometimes he had to pick up things and put them away -even things that didn't belong to him. After all, he had three daughters.
Then one morning the man awoke and remembered his dream. "I am very sad," he said to his best friend.
"Why?" asked his friend.
"Because I once dreamed of marrying a tall women with black hair and blue eyes who would play the guitar and sing. My wife can't play the guitar or sing.
She has brown eyes, and she's not tall."
"Your wife is beautiful and very kind," said his friend. "She creates splendid pictures and delectable food."
But the man wasn't listening.
"I am very sad," the man confessed to his wife one day.
"Why?" asked his wife.
"Because I once dreamed of living in a big house with a porch, and of having two Saint Bernards and a garden out back. Instead, I live in an apartment on the 47th floor."
"Our apartment is comfortable, and we can see the ocean from our couch," replied his wife. "We have love laughter and paintings of birds and a fluffy cat -not to mention three beautiful children."
But the man wasn't listening.
"I am very sad," the man said to his therapist.
"Why?" asked the therapist.
"Because I once dreamed that I would grow up to be a great adventurer. Instead, I'm a bald businessman with a bad knee."
"The medical supplies you sell have saved many lives," said the therapist.
But the man wasn't listening. So his therapist charged him $110 and sent him home.
"I am very sad," the man said to his accountant.
"Why?" asked the accountant.
"Because I once dreamed of driving a red Ferrari and of never having to pick up after myself. Instead, I take public transportation, and sometimes I still have to clean up."
"You wear good suits. You eat at fine restaurants, and you've toured ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Europe," said his accountant.
But the man wasn't listening. His accountant charged him $100 anyway. He was dreaming of a red Ferrari himself.
"I am very sad," the man said to his minister.
"Why?" asked the minister.
"Because I once dreamed of having three sons; a great scientist, a politician and a quarterback. Instead, I have three daughters, and the youngest can't even walk."
"But your daughters are beautiful and intelligent," said the minister. "They love you very much, and they've all done well. One is a nurse, another is an artist and the youngest teaches music to children."
But the man wasn't listening. He was so sad that he became very sick. He lay in a white hospital room surrounded by nurses in white uniforms. Tubes and wires connected his body to blinking machines that he had once sold to the hospital.
He was terribly, tragically sad. His family, friends and minister gathered around his bed. They were all deeply sad too. Only his therapist and his accountant remained happy.
Then one night, when everyone except the nurses had gone home, the man said to God, "Remember when I was a boy and I told you all the things I wanted?"
"It was a lovely dream," said God.
"Why didn't you give me those things?" asked the man.
"I could have," said God. "But I wanted to surprise you with things you didn't dream of.
"I suppose you've noticed what I've given you: a kind, beautiful wife; a good business; a nice place to live; three lovely daughters -one of the best packages I've put together-"
"Yes," interrupted the man. "But I thought you were going to give me what I really wanted."
"And I thought you were going to give me what I really wanted," said God.
"What did you want?" asked the man. It had never occurred to him that God was in want of anything.
"I wanted to make you happy with what I'd given you," said God.
The man lay in the dark all night, thinking. Finally he decided to dream a new dream, one he wished he'd dreamed years before. He decided to dream that what he wanted most were the very things he already had.
And the man got well and lived happily on the 47th floor, enjoying his children's beautiful voices, his wife's deep brown eyes and her glorious paintings of birds. And at night he gazed at the ocean and contentedly watched the lights of the city twinkling on, one by one.
" You are what you think about. All you are arises from your thoughts. With your thoughts, you make your world." The Buddha.
I read this story in a readers digest when i was 12 years old... and then reread it again a few months ago when i stumbled on the magazine which i saved in a box of junk..... TO ANYBODY THAT THINKS THAT I SHOULD BE UNHAPPY JUST BECAUSE THE DREAMS OF MY CHILDHOOD AND TEEN YEARS (childish dreams that they where) ARE GONE.... PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THEY HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY A NEW DREAM... One with much more meaning and the only LIFE meant for me (and my beautiful son who is NOT A MISTAKE A BURDEN OR A REGRET, BUT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND who has given me my reason for being!).... Please read this story all... i am pretty sure that everyone on this earth could stand to learn something from it.. :)
The Terribly, Tragic Sad Man
-Loren Seibold-
Once there was a boy who lived in a big house on a hill. He loved dogs and horses, sports cars and music. He climbed trees and went swimming, played football and admired pretty girls. Except for having to pick up after himself, he had a nice life.
One day the boy said to God, "I've been thinking, and I know what I want when I become a man." ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />
"What?" asked God.
"I want to live in a big house with a porch across the front and two Saint Bernards and a garden out back. I want to marry a woman who is tall and very beautiful and kind, who has long, black hair and blue eyes, and who plays the guitar and sings in a clear, high voice.
"I want three strong sons to play football with. When they grow up, one will be a great scientist, one will be a senator and the youngest will quarterback for the 49ers.
"I want to be an adventurer who sails vast oceans and climbs tall mountains and rescues people. And I want to drive a red Ferrari and never have to pick up after myself."
"That sounds like a nice dream," said God. "I want you to be happy."
One day, playing football, the boy hurt his knee. After that he couldn't climb tall mountains or even tall trees, much less sail vast oceans. So he studied marketing and started a medical-supplies business.
He married a girl who was very beautiful and very kind and who had long, black hair. But she was short, not tall, and had brown eyes, not blue. She couldn't play the guitar, or even sing. But she prepared wonderful meals seasoned with rare Chinese spices and painted magnificent pictures of birds.
Because of his business, he lived in a city near the top of a tall apartment building that overlooked the blue ocean and the city's twinkling lights. He didn't have room for two Saint Bernards, but he had a fluffy cat.
He had three daughters, all very beautiful. The youngest, who was in a wheelchair, was the loveliest. The three daughters loved their father very much. They didn't play football with him, but sometimes they went to the park and tossed a Fris-bee ---except for the youngest, who sat under a tree strumming her guitar and singing lovely, haunting songs.
He made enough money to live comfortably, but he didn't drive a red Ferrari. Sometimes he had to pick up things and put them away -even things that didn't belong to him. After all, he had three daughters.
Then one morning the man awoke and remembered his dream. "I am very sad," he said to his best friend.
"Why?" asked his friend.
"Because I once dreamed of marrying a tall women with black hair and blue eyes who would play the guitar and sing. My wife can't play the guitar or sing.
She has brown eyes, and she's not tall."
"Your wife is beautiful and very kind," said his friend. "She creates splendid pictures and delectable food."
But the man wasn't listening.
"I am very sad," the man confessed to his wife one day.
"Why?" asked his wife.
"Because I once dreamed of living in a big house with a porch, and of having two Saint Bernards and a garden out back. Instead, I live in an apartment on the 47th floor."
"Our apartment is comfortable, and we can see the ocean from our couch," replied his wife. "We have love laughter and paintings of birds and a fluffy cat -not to mention three beautiful children."
But the man wasn't listening.
"I am very sad," the man said to his therapist.
"Why?" asked the therapist.
"Because I once dreamed that I would grow up to be a great adventurer. Instead, I'm a bald businessman with a bad knee."
"The medical supplies you sell have saved many lives," said the therapist.
But the man wasn't listening. So his therapist charged him $110 and sent him home.
"I am very sad," the man said to his accountant.
"Why?" asked the accountant.
"Because I once dreamed of driving a red Ferrari and of never having to pick up after myself. Instead, I take public transportation, and sometimes I still have to clean up."
"You wear good suits. You eat at fine restaurants, and you've toured ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Europe," said his accountant.
But the man wasn't listening. His accountant charged him $100 anyway. He was dreaming of a red Ferrari himself.
"I am very sad," the man said to his minister.
"Why?" asked the minister.
"Because I once dreamed of having three sons; a great scientist, a politician and a quarterback. Instead, I have three daughters, and the youngest can't even walk."
"But your daughters are beautiful and intelligent," said the minister. "They love you very much, and they've all done well. One is a nurse, another is an artist and the youngest teaches music to children."
But the man wasn't listening. He was so sad that he became very sick. He lay in a white hospital room surrounded by nurses in white uniforms. Tubes and wires connected his body to blinking machines that he had once sold to the hospital.
He was terribly, tragically sad. His family, friends and minister gathered around his bed. They were all deeply sad too. Only his therapist and his accountant remained happy.
Then one night, when everyone except the nurses had gone home, the man said to God, "Remember when I was a boy and I told you all the things I wanted?"
"It was a lovely dream," said God.
"Why didn't you give me those things?" asked the man.
"I could have," said God. "But I wanted to surprise you with things you didn't dream of.
"I suppose you've noticed what I've given you: a kind, beautiful wife; a good business; a nice place to live; three lovely daughters -one of the best packages I've put together-"
"Yes," interrupted the man. "But I thought you were going to give me what I really wanted."
"And I thought you were going to give me what I really wanted," said God.
"What did you want?" asked the man. It had never occurred to him that God was in want of anything.
"I wanted to make you happy with what I'd given you," said God.
The man lay in the dark all night, thinking. Finally he decided to dream a new dream, one he wished he'd dreamed years before. He decided to dream that what he wanted most were the very things he already had.
And the man got well and lived happily on the 47th floor, enjoying his children's beautiful voices, his wife's deep brown eyes and her glorious paintings of birds. And at night he gazed at the ocean and contentedly watched the lights of the city twinkling on, one by one.
" You are what you think about. All you are arises from your thoughts. With your thoughts, you make your world." The Buddha.
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