Politicks

I woke up this AM to a glass of Orange Juice pouring in my face.... Lennon, bless his heart, thought mommy needed a drink is all I can figure, and the resulting stickiness was pure accident. Nevertheless, I SCREAMED at him. For the next 5 minutes as I washed us both down and pulled off bed clothes I went on a tirade that left Lennon understandably upset... finally after a few moments of acting like a complete Asshole, and leaving Lennon whimpering, it occurred to me... He didn't do this on purpose.. he was likely just as half asleep when he did it as I was... In actuality it was my fault for leaving the glass by the bed in the first place, especially since I am keenly aware of his current need to do everything for himself.... SO I snapped myself out of it mid sentence and changed my attitude and tone. Within a minute I had cleaned up the bed, threw down another blanket, washed us both and calmed Lennon.... now he lays beside me dreaming once more... alas I am wide awake, not still brooding over the orange juice, but overwhelmed with thoughts and disgusted by how poorly I behaved.... I hope someday I am a better mom, and a better person... and that Lennon can count on me to keep a level head in such times.... I hope.

Sometimes I get really down on myself for my failures as a parent (and as a person)... especially when I see these super parent types.. you know the ones I mean... You will run into them from time to time on playgrounds or Parent networking sites.... The ones that appear on the surface to have the perfect mix of skills, love, energy, determination, patience, and respect... It's not that I wish the supers any ill... nor do I feel like I have any overwhelming jealousies of them (though maybe a bit)... but I can't help but wonder if they are really as amazing as I believe them (or they believe themselves) to be? Does anyone handle the million little situations that crop up throughout the day exactly as they probably should? I'm inclined to think not.... at least if other aspects of human behaviour are to be taken in to account....

My mother recently told me "If you stick around ANYWHERE long enough, you will see the drama"... and she is right... Even the most "accepting" "understanding" and "loving" of social groups has their politicks... I don't want to believe this to be the case, but I keep seeing it proven over and over... I have bounced around through so many different, well meaning and good intentioned, organizations and social situations... from the non denominational churches "cause jesus loves everyone..." (except those who question the senior church members or pastors).. to the hippie communes and cooperatives... to the groups of friends gathering for some fun, good food and grand conversations ... it seems everyone has an agenda, and no matter how righteous it appears on the surface, once you pick up the shovel its the same shit.....the very same "every man for himself" self serving attitudes... the same food chain of command... the same weak dominating the strong... the same scapegoats for hiccups... the same ostracizing if you break the code of conduct.. How very depressing that the few places that are supposed to made up of the people who are trying to "FIX" this shit... can't even rise above it in the simplest of our dealings.... how human we all are...

My dream above all else is to have a community of individuals working for the common good... playing for the common good... concerned for the greater good.... The older I get, the more it occurs to me that this scenario, as beautiful as it may be, just might be IMPOSSIBLE... I really hope not, because a girl needs something to hope for... something to dream of and to strive high towards... I really hope that I am wrong, and am missing some greater truth.. because after 30 years of nothing but, I am TIRED of the politicks.... and dreams like this die HARD. I so want to believe that given the chance there are a few souls out there who will do right..... Just imagine it.....

Fuck John Lennon for giving me unrealistic expectations.

The Religion...

Current mood: enlightened
Category: Religion and Philosophy


Late one evening... in a sort of a spiritual trance, Dr. Bronner told me that absolute cleanliness is Godliness... and I believed...

In the state of absolute cleanliness a voice came unto me that spoke of one of the keys to my freedom... of humility... of loosing the vainty of shine and silky strands... and allowing the matting of nature to reclaim my locks... and I believed...

I have read... I have searched in the nooks and crevices of life... I have approached all with a wish to understand... I have been told that to every life who seeks, the answer will be found... and I believe....

I have learned of certain indisputable truths... of poisons and perfumes.... of healing and health... I am chubbier than ever at present... but paradoxically healthier than ever... I have been shown, guided, and taught a medicine that trancends the toxins and chemicals upon which foolish man places so much trust.... I am learning of the amazing marvel which is the bodies we possess... and their unmistakable ability to heal themselves when freed from the toxic life most of us have come to accept as the standard.... and I believe....

I have learned of the tampering of mad scientists and billionaires.... in laboratories of dirt they shall grow their frankenfruits.... of the future of your meats... COW Version 1.5 has already infiltrated your local stop and slop..... the cloning has begun.... The gene guns already fired... countless species of plant already lost forever to the profitable corporate approved test-tube altered few.... The hormone have already seeped into your frosty chocolate milk and breakfast cereal... The results apparent on the swelling chest of prepubecent girls the world over... I have been told of the disasterous effect of the patenting of LIFE ITSELF... human guinea pig tested. government approved. AND I BELIEVE.

I have seen the hypocrisy.... the lies... The maniputation of my brothers and sisters... mother and father.... before my very eyes. A tube... a screen... telling us all what to think... how to be.... what to see... what we are to believe of this purposely constructed ridgid structure of fear, called "Reality TV".... I have heard the shepard dogs... I have opened my eyes... to a promise that there can be a better tommorrow if we would all just stand up and take notice of this world we live in... The nature which has nutured us from the beginning of humankind... the beautiful dark rich earth beneath our feets which we have all turned our backs on... It is the only solid truth... and all that is worth breaking ourselves over... She is REAL. this I have learned... and I BELIEVE....

an awakening is coming.... a revolution that has not yet been seen by the massess... a revelation in the heart and soul... of all that connects us in spite of all that seek to divide us.... The soldiers are rising up.... with a passion that cannot be bought with college tuition.... No matter the religion... the face... the pigmentation of our skin and the color of our eyes... we will not go back into slavery.... we will not give up this air we breathe without a fight... we will not lay down and close our eyes... numbed by the matrix of endless useless pointless bullshit they have built.... the shackles of suits and computer keyboards they have set out..... the camps they have built to shield us from the TERROR of living.... We will not lose our freedom to apathy and cowardice... We are not going out like that..... One way or another we will all be one..... ALL ONE or ALL NONE.