Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Current mood: indescribable

Do you ever feel like you want to explode? Explode out of yourself with the force of all the energy within and without you? Like you want to burst out of all of the molds you been forced in, all the masks that have been put on you by yourself and everyone around you? Explode into the infinite directions in the space around you...let every particle of who you are, what you think, what you feel, what you see and hear fly out into the world...SO that everyone who "knows" you, everyone who "loves" you, "hates" you, or whatever else they feel about you based on who they believe you to be would suddenly know..suddenly understand who you are without a doubt... I wish I could...I wish I could trancend the limits of this body... This prison of flesh and bone that is not "me"...wish the real me would just come across so clear to anyone I meet with no effort to show or prove anything on my part...Wish I could speak the millions of thoughts...half thoughts...millithoughts... WIsh I could paint pictures of how I feel that would transfer to the eyes of others with no distortions... Wish I could sing out with a voice so clear and pure that anyone who heard it would know my heart in an instant. Wish that when I spoke, what I said was understood as exactly what I meant... Wish I could show everyone who matters everything I have seen and experienced. Wish I could see what they see too.... I wish everyone could explode, everyone could be understood as exactly what and who they are... I wish I had no misconceptions, no delusions, no illusions about anything or anyone. I wish I could live, breathe, eat, sleep, touch, speak, feel, and hear truth.....Truth and only truth... I am so tired of all of the lies of humanity, consious and sub consious... so tired of the lies we tell others, tell ourselves... So tired of seeing so many people that not only tell themselves lies, but are so numb to truth that they actually believe the lies... The lies of existance..The lies of society, of cultural conditioning. The lies of the world about who they are, or who they should be... the lies of their minds about who everyone else is or should be. I don't want to believe the lies own, or anyone elses.. I crave...I desire...I need...I want...Only TRUTH.

I am me...not what I think I am, or what anyone else thinks I am... I just am... someday I hope to meet at least one person on this earth who will truely see me, truely understand me, and truely love me for who I am, not for what they want me to be wether good or bad, not for who they think I am or am not. Just for who I AM. I want no more illusions clouding my eyes from seeing myself or any other. I want no more projections or masks clouding my face from really being seen by another. I want to explode into the world...into space..into all of creation.... and show every living being that has ever existed .. I AM.

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