Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I would like to share.... after awhile....

Current mood: loved

A close friend (who is now my sister in law thanks to my awesome matchmaking skillz lol ;)) gave me a framed copy of this poem several years ago when I was going through what (at the time) was the worst heartbreak of my life. It helped me to heal then.. and has helped with each subsequently more crushing blow that I have been dealt in the world of romance. Which came to a horrendous climax with the disaster of a relationship that gave birth to the beautiful angel who is my son.... I have the framed copy above my bed where I placed it when I moved back with my parents last year.....A few months ago right after my son was born I couldn't stop reading this poem... i read it over and over everytime it was in my line of some unseen force was complelling me to keep looking until I could see what I was missing. Then one day it happened! It suddenly occured to me that I finally understood what it meant.. and now i don't believe I will ever need it again.. because that lesson has finally been learned.. FINALLY (took a few times of getting burned ;)) Anyways though... I have NEVER heard nor seen this poem anywhere but in that frame I hold so dear to my heart.. but tonight I recieved a friend request from someone that I didn't know.. and lo and behold what do I see posted on her page but that poem... the strange thing is that this morning I was telling my mother something this very thing which I hadn't verbalized to anyone yet: that for the FIRST time in my life since I was 9 years old.. I finally feel at peace with not having a man in my life, and as odd as it is to say this because it has never been the truth before, I don't even WANT a man.. I want just me and my son.. and I want to live my life without compromising all that I value and hold dear... and I want to make sure that the only male examples in my sons life are healthy ones... and though I still haven't lost my baby weight, and somedays I don't even get to brush my hair much less take a shower.. I am okay, and I KNOW now how strong I really am because now I need to be for the sake of my child.... and I don't crave drama anymore, nor anyone that i need to fix.... And I LOVE my son, real true unselfish LOVE, and I LOVE ME! and even with my flab and unwashed hair, I have never ever felt more beautiful.. Motherhood truely does teach the most invaluable and amazing things. And so I am posting here for all of my friends (myspace and IRL) the poem that brought me to so many realizations at so many pivitol points in my life. I hope it will be as wonderful of a gift to one of you as it was to me all those years ago (thanks Hollywood :)) BE WELL MY FRIENDS

After a While

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child

and you learn to build all your roads
on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring
you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye you learn.

and with every sunset..comes the dawn...

- 1971 Veronica A.Shoffstall
Currently listening:
Dear Mr. President
By P!Nk
Release date: 20 March, 2007

No comments:

Post a Comment