Sunday, April 29, 2007


Current mood: thoughtful

LENNON cut his first TOOF today!!!!! And he sat up for like 5 minutes on his own!!!! And this week he has started eating solids... YAY!! :( POO! not sure if i'm happy or sad. I was really excited but i cried too cause my little boy is growing up.... damn how'm I gonna be when he walks or graduates highschool or goes on his first date or has his first baby?!??!?!?!?!?! AGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! hehe... okay i should just shut up now before i drive myself crazy.. but ANYWAYS besides that not much news... working working working... i'm trying to get my business more organized so that i can be efficient and handle the volume of business i was getting... i actually had to stop taking orders and close my ebay shop temporarily so that i could catch my breath.. crazyness, but i'm not complaining cause the way its lookin if i can just get my shit together a bit more there is actually enough demand out there for what i am doing that i think i can actually make a decent living!!! SHit if i had known this before i had a kid i coulda been not working for some scumbag company all this time i could been doing my own thing, and without juggling motherhood and business managing it woulda been so easy!!!! Again not that i'm complaining better late than never and i would not give up motherhood for the world.... speaking of motherhood... i have had several instances in my life lately where people who have not yet had the distinct pleasure of being parents themselves have pulled stupid shit on me because i have a baby... Sometimes i wish i could snap my fingers and be able to switch perspectives with someone... i believe (though i may be wrong because i'm sure everyone thinks they are ways they are not) that i am a pretty open minded person.. i try to empathize with people.. i always am putting myself in other peoples shoes even to a fault sometimes... most of the time i am able to understand how people justify the things they say and do.. but this past couple of weeks i am i shock as to how much certain people have NO CLUE what is going on in the world outside of their own selfishness. How can someone be so stuck in their own desires their own misery... so caught up in working their life away that they have almost completely alienated the people who really matter.... there is someone who i care for very deeply.. someone who i love more than anyone could even imagine... who i am so scared for.. i don't think this person will ever read this... (probably won't be able to squeeze it into the busy busy day... ) but if they do i hope they realize that i am speaking to them when i say...

TO YOU: You wonder why i am hesitant to sppeak to you.. you think i am angry.... i am not... i am hurt that you don't put any importance on sharing this amazing experience that i am living right now... that you haven't cared to be a part of my life.... that you can't even take 1 night to be a part of my life..... and of my beautiful son's... but mostly i am scared... I am so afraid for you that you are going to work and work and work and put off everything that makes life beautiful.. everything that makes life worthwhile... the wonders of life.. parenthood... or visiting those who will not be around forever... the joys of participating in the lifes of those you claim you love.... I hope to god i am wrong and i hope that you will not realize too late.. i am so scared for you that you will wake up one day and look in the mirror and see the lines of age and realize that you are 50 years old and you have nothing that really matters.. that life has half passed you by and that your chances to experience some of lifes greatest gifts have long since passed... I hope that i am wrong... i hope that something will knock you off your feet and off of the freight train you are on... before you have missed all the most beautiful stops... i know my life is not perfect... i know i have made my mistakes.. but i wish you would join me on the scenic route... and i love you.

"Its a beautiful day don't let it get away..."

Have a good night all...
Currently listening:
Beautiful Day
By U2
Release date: 06 February, 2001

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