7 Years... going on 10.

I WAS going to go through the looking glass today...

But detoured in reflections along the way.

Somewhere between the glass and the wall
I SCREAMED at you:
"Who will EVER love you again?"

Scars on your body...
covering
like some god-forsaken Leper...
SMOTHERING
as a sundae topping gone
horribly,
wildly,
wrong.

Damages, outside and in... Battered.
Bruised and bulging.
These years unkind...
and the baggage.


Are you still alive? Still in there somewhere?
Capable of trust...of Love...
any longer (If you ever were...)

Emotions clenched between
GRINDING TEETH...
not ready or yielding to
possibilities of opening.

Or the sunlight... It once was there.
Sparkling behind your eyes..
will it ever again...to rise?

-I HUGGED YOU-
with my mind... in the shower this afternoon
when I finally had found the energy
(and will) to leave the pseudo comfort
of my pajamas.

Pretending it is all okay
I tried to soothe you...
to see past the
UGLINESS
the
DEFORMITIES
tried to allow myself to caress
the flesh
with love and tenderness...
the way others had...
Once before.

Tried so hard not to cry
as my eyes
searched your body
for ANY familiarity.

Failing as the stream of
water on the porcelain floor
mingled with salty tears...

I looked and I looked,
but all I could see was
IMPERFECTIONS... upon
IMPERFECTIONS...upon
IMPERFECTIONS...
upon...

Afterwards,
I stood staring as my face
shattered..
lost in the cracks.

I heard it.
MY voice shouting:
"WHO WILL EVER LOVE YOU NOW!
HOLD YOU AGAIN?"
it was MY VOICE...

MINE.

only I did not recognize that face...
the sad girl...
nor the eyes that looked out....
I'm so sorry...


I was going to take a walk
through the looking glass today.

But I got caught up in reflections...

....somewhere along the way.



-K. Prue 1*19*09