Sunday, April 29, 2007


Current mood: thoughtful

LENNON cut his first TOOF today!!!!! And he sat up for like 5 minutes on his own!!!! And this week he has started eating solids... YAY!! :( POO! not sure if i'm happy or sad. I was really excited but i cried too cause my little boy is growing up.... damn how'm I gonna be when he walks or graduates highschool or goes on his first date or has his first baby?!??!?!?!?!?! AGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! hehe... okay i should just shut up now before i drive myself crazy.. but ANYWAYS besides that not much news... working working working... i'm trying to get my business more organized so that i can be efficient and handle the volume of business i was getting... i actually had to stop taking orders and close my ebay shop temporarily so that i could catch my breath.. crazyness, but i'm not complaining cause the way its lookin if i can just get my shit together a bit more there is actually enough demand out there for what i am doing that i think i can actually make a decent living!!! SHit if i had known this before i had a kid i coulda been not working for some scumbag company all this time i could been doing my own thing, and without juggling motherhood and business managing it woulda been so easy!!!! Again not that i'm complaining better late than never and i would not give up motherhood for the world.... speaking of motherhood... i have had several instances in my life lately where people who have not yet had the distinct pleasure of being parents themselves have pulled stupid shit on me because i have a baby... Sometimes i wish i could snap my fingers and be able to switch perspectives with someone... i believe (though i may be wrong because i'm sure everyone thinks they are ways they are not) that i am a pretty open minded person.. i try to empathize with people.. i always am putting myself in other peoples shoes even to a fault sometimes... most of the time i am able to understand how people justify the things they say and do.. but this past couple of weeks i am i shock as to how much certain people have NO CLUE what is going on in the world outside of their own selfishness. How can someone be so stuck in their own desires their own misery... so caught up in working their life away that they have almost completely alienated the people who really matter.... there is someone who i care for very deeply.. someone who i love more than anyone could even imagine... who i am so scared for.. i don't think this person will ever read this... (probably won't be able to squeeze it into the busy busy day... ) but if they do i hope they realize that i am speaking to them when i say...

TO YOU: You wonder why i am hesitant to sppeak to you.. you think i am angry.... i am not... i am hurt that you don't put any importance on sharing this amazing experience that i am living right now... that you haven't cared to be a part of my life.... that you can't even take 1 night to be a part of my life..... and of my beautiful son's... but mostly i am scared... I am so afraid for you that you are going to work and work and work and put off everything that makes life beautiful.. everything that makes life worthwhile... the wonders of life.. parenthood... or visiting those who will not be around forever... the joys of participating in the lifes of those you claim you love.... I hope to god i am wrong and i hope that you will not realize too late.. i am so scared for you that you will wake up one day and look in the mirror and see the lines of age and realize that you are 50 years old and you have nothing that really matters.. that life has half passed you by and that your chances to experience some of lifes greatest gifts have long since passed... I hope that i am wrong... i hope that something will knock you off your feet and off of the freight train you are on... before you have missed all the most beautiful stops... i know my life is not perfect... i know i have made my mistakes.. but i wish you would join me on the scenic route... and i love you.

"Its a beautiful day don't let it get away..."

Have a good night all...
Currently listening:
Beautiful Day
By U2
Release date: 06 February, 2001

Saturday, April 14, 2007


Current mood: amused

I READ THIS ON SOMEONE ELSES BLOG AND THE FIRST WAS TOO ENLIGHTENING NOT TO REPOST AND THE SECOND TOO HYSTERICAL NOT TO REPOST! So without further ado, here is HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT either because you want to help the other person, or just because you want to be a dick :) ENJOY!

How to Win An Arugment

How do you handle the situation where the other person continually sucks you into an argument that you never seem to be able to win?

In a typical argument, each person tries to prove themselves right and the other person wrong. Of course, we all know what happens in the end — each person only ends up more entrenched in their views, regardless of who seems to deliver the most dominant argument.

An argument cannot be won with resistance. You will only strengthen the other person's resolve. At best you will both leave in a state of stubbornness, but little communication will have actually occurred.

The way to "win" an argument is to aim for a goal other than being right. The other person will be prepared to defend against someone who is trying to prove themselves right. Trying to prove yourself right and the other person wrong is like making a frontal assault on an entrenched enemy position. You'll need overwhelming force to win, and your victory will come at great cost, if you can even pull it off. Plus you'll leave your relationship wounded in the end.

So instead of trying to be right, I've found that the best way to win an argument is to go for an entirely different goal. This has worked for me every time I've applied it, and I've used it dozens of times.

If you aren't trying to win the argument, then what is your goal? I suggest you set the goal of attempting to raise the other person's awareness while maintaining your own sense of inner peace. By this I mean that you focus on helping the other person become more aware of the full extent of their behavior and how it affects you and others, but without taking ownership of anything the other person says.

This means you keep your focus on the other person and their behavior. Whenever s/he tries to pigeonhole you into a negative role, you simply side-step their comments and then redirect their own energy back upon them. In a way it's like verbal martial arts. Never defend against any of their comments. Simply redirect the comments back to the person.

In other words, you don't attack — ever. You merely deflect the other person's attacks back to them, over and over. You become like a mirror. So the more the other person tries to attack you, the more they weaken themselves. People can't punch themselves in the face for too long.

If someone were to try to attack me in an argument, I would just say things like, "You seem to be fairly upset about this. Why do you think that is?" or "So you're saying you'd like to feel free to disregard my requests if you don't agree with them. Is that correct?" or "Is this how you'd like to continue to feel about this situation?" or "Do you feel your behavior towards me is honorable and respectful?"

Stay focused on the other person and their feelings, not your own. But don't take ownership of anything they say. Simply allow it to pass through you like a knife through water and come out the other side. And metaphorically speaking, keep asking the person about the knife they're holding and how they feel about it.

Usually the other person will start by answering all my questions with the words, "Because you…" My goal is to help guide the other person to focus on their own feelings, and I know I'm making progress when their answers begin taking the form of "Because I…" I help them to take ownership of their feelings.

Remember that if someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. In order for there to be any sting to the attack, you must accept it. Simply decline the "gift" and the other person won't be able to land a single blow no matter how hard they try. Be like air or water — if they try to attack you, they merely wear themselves out.

This takes practice, but it works extremely well. The key is to put yourself into a state of compassion and empathy and keep reminding yourself that the negativity isn't about you — it's an internal issue the other person is dealing with. So whatever the other person says, you simply reflect it back to them. This will have the effect of raising the other person's awareness. Many times people can't handle that, so they'll either blow up emotionally or give up. Either way, it helps put an end to the previous destructive relationship and paves the way for something better to emerge.

A technique I use to keep myself focused on raising the other person's awareness is that I form a mental image of that person's "higher self." I imagine the best possible form of that person — their soul if you will — standing in the room with us like an apparition. Then I put myself in a state where I feel like I'm channeling the thoughts of that higher self, and I allow the higher self to speak through me and to ask all the questions. This is amazingly effective — in fact, it works so well that I wonder if I am indeed channeling some kind of higher self. I've learned to simply trust the words that pop into my mind and speak them, even if they don't seem like the right thing to say from a logical standpoint. Invariably the questions and observations do help guide the other person to be more in tune with their own highest and best self. They begin seeing their behavior and the relationship in a whole new light, and that's what often leads to some sort of emotional breakdown. Tears are common.

There are two ways this type of conversation ends — 1) the other person can't handle facing the situation and basically runs away, or 2) the other person has some kind of emotional catharsis which makes it possible to heal the relationship. Most of the time the outcome is #2 if the relationship bond is fairly strong, and #1 if the relationship bond is weak. I find that typically this takes 2-3 hours of conversation to reach the point of #2. If you hit #1, that's OK too. Just keep using the same strategy on each encounter, and you'll eventually hit #2 — either that or you'll permanently scare the person away from trying to argue with you.

Now if you don't have this kind of time, then you may want to use a short-cut approach to simply delay the confrontation, or the relationship may be so loose that it's not worth the effort to raise the other person's awareness. In that case you can simply deflect the arguments with humor, or you can ignore them altogether.

It does take practice and patience to use this type of approach, and it hinges upon your ability to keep yourself in a high state of awareness, focusing on unconditional love and compassion for the other person. I don't think of it as having a thick skin but rather as having reflective skin or even no skin. You have to put yourself in a state where you are unattackable. This will frustrate the other person to no end, but that's the point — to let the other person burn off all their negative energy by swinging at air. And as they grow tired, their own shields will begin to collapse. But instead of attacking at that point, you empathize and connect with them and strive to reconnect them with their truest and best self.

For me this has become an ingrained way of communicating. Whenever I get attacked by someone wanting to provoke an argument, I simply see it as a cry for help. The other person is disconnected from their true self, and my role (time permitting) is to help reconnect them. I can't do that if I step into the ring with them. But I can let them swing at air and exhaust themselves until they're ready to face the parts of themselves that are causing them this pain, and then they can begin to reconnect and to heal.

If you try this approach, and you can't seem to keep yourself in a higher state of awareness without being dragged into negativity by the other person, then you've got a different situation at hand, one which cannot be solved at the same level of thinking in which this post is written. I'll write another post on how to handle that situation soon.

by Dave Barry?

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

Drink Liquor.

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:
o Let me put it this way
o In terms of
o Vis-a-vis
o Per se
o As it were
o Qua
o So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
o You're begging the question.
o You're being defensive.
o Don't compare apples and oranges.
o What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.
You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.
Currently listening:
Dear Mr. President
By P!Nk
Release date: 20 March, 2007

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Current mood: angry

THIS IS ABSURD!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with this world!!

Myspace: "Breastfeeding is Offensive"

By A. L. Fox

Go to Myspace, and click on some random profiles. Chances are, you'll come across some things that could be considered offensive: Pamela Anderson clad in nothing but a thong, a girl who can't be over sixteen in a provocative pose, graphics that look like road signs showing stick figures in various positions performing sex acts, a mother feeding her baby.

Wait a minute-what did I just say? A mother feeding her baby? Actually, that's the one thing I listed that you probably won't see, because the people who are in charge of deciding what's offensive on Myspace are deleting photos of breastfeeding infants, in the name of decency.

Lisa Marie Gittings of Asheville, NC had her photos removed without any explanation. As she was nursing her eight-month-old son, her three-year-old snapped a picture. In support of the breastfeeding community, Lisa Marie posted the picture on her Myspace page. I didn't see the picture myself, because every time she reloads them, Myspace removes them, but I can tell you from my own experience in nursing, far less of the breast is exposed during breastfeeding than in some of the photos I've seen on Myspace. When a baby nurses, his head covers almost the entire breast. If you are large-busted, you might show as much skin as you would in a modest two-piece bathing suit. Not only is Lisa Marie a mother trying to feed her child in the healthiest way possible; she also offers professional breastfeeding support to new mothers, in an attempt to ensure that more babies in the US are as healthy as possible. Lisa Marie wrote to the administration at Myspace asking for an explanation of why her photos were removed, but hasn't heard back, as of this writing. She says, "I feel that by banning these images, Myspace is telling young mothers that breastfeeding is an unnatural and disgusting act, and therefore they are not promoting the health of children and families...they are violating our rights by censoring these family photos."

Myspace is used by countless teens and young adults, so the administrators may not be too concerned about a group of moms who are annoyed about their pictures being removed. It's not just a bunch of housewives who are up in arms, though. My sister, Emily, is a typical Myspace user: sixteen years old, up on all the trends in music and fashion, with a large group of Myspace friends. In her opinion, "Myspace is being stupid. You can't even see the boob when you're breastfeeding. I'd rather see that than all the naked girls you see all over Myspace. It's just a kid being fed; what's the big deal?" My own two teenage children echo that sentiment, as do all the adults I spoke to about it today.

Breastfeeding is not offensive. There is nothing remotely sexual or inappropriate about the act of a mother feeding her child. A breastfeeding mother is using her body for precisely what it was made for-breasts are made for nurturing children. It is a bonding experience and the healthiest way to nourish your child. If someone chooses to impose their own deviant thoughts on what is a very natural and family-friendly act, that person should not be in charge of deciding what is and isn't "appropriate", especially in a forum where so many images that are blatantly sexual are displayed without repercussion. This is not just an act of censorship; it is discrimination against women who choose to share photos of a special time in their lives with their children. Breastfeeding is not illegal in this country, and yet Myspace is making it their mission to penalize those who do it, and perpetuate the notion that breasts exist solely for sexual pleasure.

Lisa Marie Gittings is not the first woman to have photos of her feeding baby removed from Myspace; they have done this to several other women across the country. A petition has been started to try and convince Myspace to come to their senses and stop the double standard that allows photos of silicone-filled breasts, but not milk-filled ones.


I would like to share.... after awhile....

Current mood: loved

A close friend (who is now my sister in law thanks to my awesome matchmaking skillz lol ;)) gave me a framed copy of this poem several years ago when I was going through what (at the time) was the worst heartbreak of my life. It helped me to heal then.. and has helped with each subsequently more crushing blow that I have been dealt in the world of romance. Which came to a horrendous climax with the disaster of a relationship that gave birth to the beautiful angel who is my son.... I have the framed copy above my bed where I placed it when I moved back with my parents last year.....A few months ago right after my son was born I couldn't stop reading this poem... i read it over and over everytime it was in my line of some unseen force was complelling me to keep looking until I could see what I was missing. Then one day it happened! It suddenly occured to me that I finally understood what it meant.. and now i don't believe I will ever need it again.. because that lesson has finally been learned.. FINALLY (took a few times of getting burned ;)) Anyways though... I have NEVER heard nor seen this poem anywhere but in that frame I hold so dear to my heart.. but tonight I recieved a friend request from someone that I didn't know.. and lo and behold what do I see posted on her page but that poem... the strange thing is that this morning I was telling my mother something this very thing which I hadn't verbalized to anyone yet: that for the FIRST time in my life since I was 9 years old.. I finally feel at peace with not having a man in my life, and as odd as it is to say this because it has never been the truth before, I don't even WANT a man.. I want just me and my son.. and I want to live my life without compromising all that I value and hold dear... and I want to make sure that the only male examples in my sons life are healthy ones... and though I still haven't lost my baby weight, and somedays I don't even get to brush my hair much less take a shower.. I am okay, and I KNOW now how strong I really am because now I need to be for the sake of my child.... and I don't crave drama anymore, nor anyone that i need to fix.... And I LOVE my son, real true unselfish LOVE, and I LOVE ME! and even with my flab and unwashed hair, I have never ever felt more beautiful.. Motherhood truely does teach the most invaluable and amazing things. And so I am posting here for all of my friends (myspace and IRL) the poem that brought me to so many realizations at so many pivitol points in my life. I hope it will be as wonderful of a gift to one of you as it was to me all those years ago (thanks Hollywood :)) BE WELL MY FRIENDS

After a While

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child

and you learn to build all your roads
on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring
you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye you learn.

and with every sunset..comes the dawn...

- 1971 Veronica A.Shoffstall
Currently listening:
Dear Mr. President
By P!Nk
Release date: 20 March, 2007

Sunday, April 8, 2007

NuTtY cRuNcHy :)

I've been browsing around on myspace looking at profiles of other breastfeeding, cloth diapering, nutty crunchy moms like myself.... (so nice to know that I'm not the only one who refuses to do what I don't believe in just because "everyone else is doing it". I thought we woulda learned better than that at 5 years old: ie if everybody else was jumping of a bridge...) Anyways i've read some really inspiring things, and run across some folks who see really cool... and in the course I made a new friend and I read this article on her blog. I thought it was a really good observation on parenting and so I'm reposting! :) Happy easter all!

May 23, 2005

Atrocious Advice from "Supernanny"

By Alfie Kohn

[This is a slightly expanded version of the published article, which was titled "Supernanny State."]

A despot welcomes a riot. Disorder provides an excuse to rescind liberties in order to restore calm. There are only two choices, after all: chaos and control. Even the creators of Get Smart understood that.

And so, too, do the creators of Supernanny and Nanny 911. Each week they poke their cameras into a dysfunctional suburban home where the children are bouncing off the walls and the parents are ready to climb them. There's whining, there's yelling, there's hitting . . . and the kids are just as bad. But wait. Look up there: It's a bird. It's a plain-dressed, no-nonsense British nanny, poised to swoop in with a prescription for old-fashioned control. Soon the clueless American parents will be comfortably back in charge, the children will be calm and compliant, and everyone will be sodden with gratitude. Cue the syrupy music, the slow-mo hugs, the peek at next week's even more hopeless family.

These programs elevate viewer manipulation to an art form. For starters, the selection of unusually obnoxious children invites us to enjoy a shiver of self-congratulation: At least my kids -- and my parenting skills -- aren't that bad! More to the point, these anarchic families set us up to root for totalitarian solutions. Anything to stop the rioting.

We're encouraged to pretend that living with a camera crew doesn't influence how parents and children interact, and to disregard what it says about these people that they allowed their humiliation to be televised. We're asked to believe that families can be utterly transformed in a few days and to assume that the final redemptive images reveal the exceptional skills of the nanny -- rather than of the program's editing staff. By now, a fair number of TV dramas, and even some sitcoms, refrain from serving up contrived happy endings. Sometimes the patient dies, the perp outwits the prosecutor, the jerk is unreformed. Yet here, in the realm of nonfiction programming, a tidy solution must be found before sign-off. Perhaps it's reality television that's most divorced from reality.

We might just laugh off the implausibility of these programs except that they're teaching millions of real parents how to raise their real kids. To that extent, it matters that they're selling snake-oil.

Consider ABC's Supernanny. (Fox's copycat Nanny 911 differs mostly in that a rotating cast of nannies shares top billing.) The show is rigidly formulaic: Jo Frost, the titular nanny and now bestselling author, arrives, observes, grimaces, states the obvious, imposes a schedule along with a set of rules and punishments. The parents stumble but then get the hang of her system. Contentment ensues.

The limits of the show, however, are less consequential than the limits of its star. Ms. Frost's approach to family crises is stunningly simple-minded; it's the narrowness of her repertoire, not merely the constraints of the medium, that lead her to ignore the important questions. She never stops to ask whether the demands of work and kids could be more gracefully reconciled if high-quality, low-cost daycare was available. She doesn't even inquire into psychological issues. Are the parents' expectations appropriate for the age of the child? Might something deeper than a lack of skills explain why they respond, or fail to respond, to their children as they do? How were they raised?

The nanny never peers below the surface, and her analysis of every family is identical. The problem is always that the parents aren't sufficiently vigorous in controlling their children. She has no reservations about power as long as only the big people have it. Kids are the enemy to be conquered. (At the beginning of Nanny 911, the stentorian narrator warns of tots "taking over the household"; the children in one episode are described as "little monsters.") Parents learn how to get them to take their naps now. Whether the kids are tired is irrelevant.

Supernanny's favorite words are "technique" and "consistency." First, a schedule is posted -- they will all eat at six o'clock because she says so – and the children are given a list of generic rules. The point is enforcement and order, not teaching and reflection. Thus, rather than helping a child to think about the effects of his aggression on others, he is simply informed that hitting is "unacceptable"; reasons and morality don't enter into it. Then he is forced to "stand in the naughty corner." Later, the nanny instructs Dad to command the child to apologize. The desired words are muttered under duress. The adults seem pleased.

For balance, kids are controlled with rewards as well as with punishments. Those who haven't been eating what (or when, or as much as) the parent wishes are slathered with praise as soon as they do so – a "Good boy!" for every mouthful. Sure enough, they fork in some more food. These children may be so desperate for acceptance that they settle for contingent reinforcement in place of the unconditional love they really need.

The little girl in one family is accustomed to having Mom lie down next to her at bedtime. Forget it, says Supernanny, and the tradition is ended without warning or explanation. When the girl screams, that only proves how manipulative she is. Later, Mom confesses, "I felt like I was almost mistreating her." "Do not give in," urges the nanny, and misgivings soon yield to "It's working; it's getting quieter" – meaning that her daughter has abandoned hope that Mom will snuggle with her.

On another episode, a boy is playing with a hose in the backyard when his mother suddenly announces, "You're done." The boy protests ("I'm cleaning!") so she turns off the water. He becomes angry and kicks over a wagon. Supernanny is incredulous: "Just because she turned the water off!" There is no comment about the autocratic, disrespectful parenting that precipitated his outburst. But then, autocratic, disrespectful parenting is her stock in trade.

Supernanny's superficiality isn't accidental; it's ideological. What these shows are peddling is behaviorism. The point isn't to raise a child; it's to reinforce or extinguish discrete behaviors – which is sufficient if you believe, along with the late B.F. Skinner and his surviving minions, that there's nothing to us other than those behaviors.

Behaviorism is as American as rewarding children with apple pie. We're a busy people, with fortunes to make and lands to conquer. We don't have time for theories or complications: Just give us techniques that work. If firing thousands of employees succeeds in boosting the company's stock price; if imposing a scripted, mind-numbing curriculum succeeds in raising students' test scores; if relying on bribes and threats succeeds in making children obey, then there's no need to ask, "But for how long does it work? And at what cost?"

In the course of researching a book about parenting, I discovered some disconcerting research on the damaging effects of techniques like the "naughty corner" (better known as time-out), which are basically forms of love withdrawal. I also found quite a bit of evidence that parents who refrain from excessive control and rely instead on warmth and reason are more likely to have children who do what they're asked – and who grow into responsible, compassionate, healthy people.

If you can bear to sit through them, the nanny programs provide a fairly reliable guide for how not to raise children. They also offer an invitation to think about the pervasiveness of pop-behaviorism and our hunger for the quick fix. "I guarantee you," Supernanny earnestly, if tautologically, exhorts one pair of parents, "every time you're consistent, [your child] gets the same message."

Granted, but what message?

Copyright © 2005 by Alfie Kohn. This article may be downloaded, reproduced, and distributed without permission as long as each copy includes this notice along with citation information (i.e., name of the periodical in which it originally appeared, date of publication, and author's name). Permission must be obtained in order to reprint this article in a published work or in order to offer it for sale in any form. Please write to the address indicated on the Contact page at
Currently listening:
Catch That Train!
By Dan Zanes & Friends
Release date: 16 May, 2006

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Dream... and caring for your mind.. random thoughts

Current mood: indescribable

I should be in bed right now but as usual.... I am not :) been meaning to write for many moons now so i figured since i'm awake I may as well..... Motherhood.. or rather Parenthood.. What a crazyamazinghorrifyinglyscarywonderfulbeautifulterrifyingmindaltering experience... Strange that its pretty hard for me to conjure up memories of the life i left back in that other room... or thoughts that would once have been at the forefront of my mind... Some days I feel like the biggest idiotic spacecadet in the world and other days I feel like I couldn't have life more by the balls so to speak... Some days I feel so confident that I can do this and its gonna be everything I've ever wanted and other days I don't even want to attempt to crawl my outofshapelazysorry ass out of bed...
I had this dream the other day... of horrible violent things happening to my Lennon... and then his life was ripped from him... one of those dreams that could be real if it was realistic... but feels SO REAL... I actually woke thinking I was waking to another day without my HEART.... what is absolutely crazy is that I can remember that more than I can remember the things I actually lived through in that "past life" in all that I lived for the 25 years before my angel came to me.. I can remember the intensity of a pain I never had a real cause to feel more than I can remember the pain of losses in real life that i know at the time knocked the wind out of me... That pain I felt in a dream about my son was more real than all the pain I felt ALL TOGETHER in my life before him....

I remember... being doubled over with the intensity of my heart ripping from my chest... crying sobs.. stuck in my throat that would not stop... my own mother and how I wanted her to make it go away... make it all not true and somehow give me my baby back... and nothing anyone did or said could ease one drop of the suffering I was feeling... I remember the guilt that I did not or could not save him... That I was not there when I should have been... such sorrow for the life that was robbed from the most beautiful soul I have ever known... LIKE a KNIFE stabbing through my heart.. my soul... my body.. a dark cloud over EVERYTHING... And the feeling that there was nothing more to live for............... The most intense pain I have ever felt......... AND IT WAS ONLY A DREAM.

I awoke to what I thought was another day in hell.. and saw my angel on the bed next to me.... peace on his face.... and then a smile... and My whole life suddenly had worth... with just a smile..... I cried... I have cried several times over this.... so far...

I guess what I'm trying to get at is..... What noone can know until they are there... When you have a child.. Your heart is the one that beats within them... through their joy... love... and smiles, your heart feels a gladness that YOU HAVE NEVER FELT BEFORE... and at even the thought of a wound to them... of any pain, your own pain is more intense than any you've felt by your own troubles.... And the thought of life without them.... suddenly becomes the embodiment of hell on earth....


I can't watch half of the shit that I used to watch on TV.. People start to tell me about some fucked up thing they heard and I tell them to shut up... I spend a good portion of my life praying for God to take away the sick, bizzare, crazy images and thoughts that I allowed into me throughout my life... Side note especially to any of your younger folks reading this... Be carefull what you expose yourself to.. not that you should remain sheltered and naieve.. but beware.. what You put into your mind.. the disturbing movies, horror films.... Grotesque, bloody.. the serial killers you read about... the twisted things human beings do to one another... That sick and dark curiosity we all have in us.. to keep reading even though it disqusts us... or to keep watching though it turns your stomach... It will never leave you... You cannot erase what is being written inside of you... and you cannot become feeling again once you have become numb... and believe it or not... you may reach a point in your life where some of the horrors you've read about suddenly become all too real when you realize the impact such monsterous things would have on your own life.. and family.... please be careful.....
*sigh* anyways.. I should go to bed now.. My poor sweet son is probably lonely for his mama :) Much LOVE to all of you my friends, and thanks for humoring my thoughts enough to read them :) BE WELL!!! And go spend sometime outside for christsakes!! Its SO INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL OUT there, SPRING IS FINALLY HERE!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! :)
Currently listening:
Into the Woods
By The Call
Release date: 25 October, 1990