AM I WHO I AM

Current mood: contemplative

AM I WHO I AM

I don’t know who I am

Or how I fit into this bigger plan

Am I what you think of me

Composed of what I was taught to see

Am I me myself and I all three

Am I what I try to be

Am I the words I speak out loud

Or only another anonymous in a crowd

Am I angry, am I bitter

All those things that I could be

Am I loving, self indulgent,

Am I the girl that we all see

My mind goes so much deeper

Than even I have ever been

An universe inside extending infinitely

But to what end

Am I everything or nothing

Vibrations or solid matter

Am I kind and gentle as I try to be

Or nutty as a mad hatter

Am I creative or a hoax

Spouting life out in cleasé

Am I the me I aim to be

The girl I know I’ll be someday

How much of who I claim to be

Is all ego and for show

How divine to be granted one wish fulfilled

Who I am is a someone I would really love to know

THE WILL TO BE ME

Current mood: bored

THE WILL TO BE ME

Transcend these bricks

Laid so thick

Can’t see the top

But press on regardless

Climbing hand over hand

To see what may lie beyond

What lies I have kept

What deceptions of myself

What has not yet been unarmed

Or unmasked

Changing my way of thinking

Shifting my perception

Yet again

The never-ending lesson

In who I can be

The only constant I want to count on

Is the push to know my own heart

The drive I’ve carried since

The most distant of memories

Passion inhaled

In the first pure breath

My lungs ever took in

The curiosity that’s been beating

Within my being

Since the birth of this body

The understanding of something

So far beyond

This realm of human ways

I was placed in

Pieces of puzzling thoughts

Ever nearing completion

Growing and blooming

Even as this form

This vessel withers

And deteriorates with age

The final place is always the same

No matter holy or un

King, priest, alcoholic

Or seeker of the truth…

The difference only in

The final complexity

Of the picture of a soul…

Walls are meant for doorways

When none is a deterrence to my will

I go around…

If all ways lead back

I shall climb

If I slide back down again

I shall find myself

A sledgehammer

And make my own passage

My own way…

MY CYCLES

Current mood: contemplative

MY CYCLES

I’ve tried to fix this all so many times but don’t

I think I’ve got it good and beaten then I choke

Why can’t I see my cycles quite as clear as yours

What is it in me that keeps falling from the core

When my illusions brought to light will I just fold

Be disenchanted by the standards and Ideals that I now hold

Run Run, before I bring you down

Hide my troubles while my sky lies underground

Run Run, cause I am blind to my own worst demons

Burying my face in pillows so you can’t hear my screaming

Big on blame, excuses, and all those like um

Is it me or everyone else that’s under my sun

Am I keeping off anxiety or masking all my flaws

Sweetness a way to disguise my tears or claws

Run Run, am I as lazy as they say

Whiney and conniving just to last another day

Run Run, before my problems are your own

Finding I’m still reaping sour seeds that I had sown

Losing it again, I’m cracking up, I’m breaking down

Carrying such sorrow falling straight towards the ground

Break this drama, How do I end this drama

How do I see my drama, why must I be this drama

Break this drama, can’t you take this drama

Make it right, and take me, and save me from my drama

Shake this drama from my spine of spiteful drama

Wake me from what sleep has come from a life of drama

Shake me awake, I’m so numb from this drama

Can’t take much more, I’m plumb drunk on the drama

I’m striving so hard for clarity of sight

But it’s hard, oh so hard, to see clear in this night

I’m tired, so tired, so worn from the fight

Won’t you take me and make me into someone alright?