Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Coming Clean.

There is sadness between my legs...
shame lurking in the bottom of my ocean
stirring up as sediment in those deep places you touch 
when you look into my eyes and offer deeper thrusts...
Do you ask for deeper trust?
those tears
dripping and running down my face, 
I didn't even know were locked down 
in those tight, wet spaces

There is pain.

Now, I can feel it.

Its been rubbed.
Raw and real.
rage surfacing... 
all those moments 
when I let myself be treated as worthless.
and am I? 

Soiled in my sensitive soul...
Is there no shower in the world that will make me clean? 
I have tried for years to tidy this mess with my own hands.
but maybe with a steady stream
washing your life over my walls

a little more guilt rinses away... 

While your eyes gently hold mine 
I wonder 
could I release 
impressions of ghosts hovering 
eyes that looked through me...
Arms that held me only as an option 
or an orifice.
can you hold me?
both tender and tight enough to tell my fear
over and again, until it's undeniably clear... 
that those you've wrapped me in are not the same?
he saw.
he came.

There is sorrow there where you place your lips.
your soft tongue massages so sweet... 
ripples of pleasure,
sacred treasure, 
mingled with years of tension. 
hips that have not slow danced against an-other's in far too long... 

When you dive deep
touching bottom 
there is stone...
a child, 
not coaxed slowly from the deep warmth of my womb. 
but ripped and torn from my screaming belly.
tenderness sits sobbing...
in these breasts you lay your cheek on?
Heaving cries.
nourishment unfinished yet
then the river of life ran dry.... 

There is stinging and aching hanging in the curves
the luscious, lovely, soft spaces I live within...
I can see.
taste and smell.
can hear them polluting my home
despite my diligence. 

I send compassion to myself
and to those who poisoned 
my waters.
and I
and open.
and open...
and wait. 

There is lust
there is a childlike playfulness...
and there will be light there again
bursting with life
when Love arrives.
Joy flooding those juicy spaces
eagerly drinking you in.
only desire will flow 
where skin meets skin. 
a flower fragrantly in bloom
will offer only sweet nectar.
my heart won't hold you back
the fear that sticks tight in my belly will shake loose... 
and I will finally. Just. let. go... 
will you lay beside me until after all my ancient tears have gone?
or will you have long since flown?
Your taste so far is pungent...
Gently provoking heat.
But are you made of something real?
Does fear outweigh your longing to feel?

Time will reveal.

and if I trust that you'll stand fast 
and hold dear whatever wounds you find,
will you show me what you are holding 
within this flesh that touches mine?