Friday, November 28, 2008

one final thought on falling...

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

First, in my confusion, I thought that the blackness I had seen while falling from my body was reason to fear death.... that it meant that there was nothing more after this life has left us... these houses have passed away.... but now I have realized it is confirmation for me of the exact opposite... confirmation of what I had long since suspected: that our experience in death is relative to our experiences in this life.....

The darkness was there in that moment because it was not yet my time.... if I had let go and let myself fall it would have been out of cowardice... I would have died the same way that I had lived up until that moment... RUNNING blindly and in fear... terrified of feeling any pain... scared of facing tommorrow... and in doing so running right into the grip of the dark forces in life that I was trying to escape.... I believe it is the same in life as in death.... my life was not finished... my purposes not yet fully completed... to die would have been the final act of selfishness in a life so often played with little regard for any feeling outside my own bubble.... This was truely my second chance at life... and my most urgent motivation to truely live...

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