The sexiest soul...

Thursday, October 2, 2014

The sexiest soul...
I know whom I seek
with the seeing-ness of my heart
I don't know the details of your ancestry...
I don't yet know your name
Or what your face will look like..
but a little at a time you are taking shape....
One piece at a time the important parts become clear...
For the first time, I know now what I need in he who is fit to walk beside me.
I have seen pieces of you in the face of other lovers
Felt you in the embraces of friends
I have seen traces of you in my gardens...
I've watched you in my son's laugh.
In the wisdom of my dad's words,
the character of my brothers.
The pure expressions of what it means to
embody the masculine
I have witnessed in so many...
and yet there is but one I call to.

You.

You have the sexiest soul I have ever seen
my adoration of you cannot be adequately expressed
without at least one expletive for added emphasis
you exude light, lightness, enlightenedness...
even in your imperfections.
Perfection bores me as much as symmetry
Give me variegation, specks and splats
nonsensical defects to move me
My slightly cracked, eccentric self
appreciates your patches and blemishes,
I wouldn't have you without them.
There is such lovely, raw humanness in your breaks and scars,
your frailties are the Achilles heel where I can touch you.

I know true love in you...
your tenderness and strength in the way you hold my hand.
The way you love you, as much as I love me.
The way you gaze into my eyes unflinchingly.
Let me see right into you without shame
but with a blissful smile... the trust of a child
The way you nuzzle my breasts
with the softness of a nursling...
The world sees in you
the great mane of a Lion.
I know you to be a kitten,
playfully rolling over to show your soft belly
velveting your paws when we wrestle
When we walk side by side
our strides match effortlessly
when we make love
the act itself is orgasmic
raw, exquisite, ecstatic...
pulsing, singing out, sweating, breathing each other in.
I hunger to know what every
inch of your body tastes like
on my lips and tongue.
time and space dissolve in your eyes
I see God when I watch your face
fall over the edge...
the little death of orgasm.
I melt into your delicious kiss...
when you are inside me I do not lose myself in you
but find a stronger self hidden in the depths that you penetrate to
You ask so gently and so firm to be let in
and I soften to you in a way I never had before
invite all of you inside, in full consciousness
not responding from fear
blocking openings with old pain..
but surrendering... yielding,
entrusting myself into your arms

I desire to know all of you that you would share.
whisper to me your dreams
waking and sleeping both
I will speak out loud my greatest fears
and deepest sorrows,
the ones that could crush me... some so great
I may not have even admitted them to myself yet
I will trust, that you will never throw them back at me
in anger or in your own fear or despair..
will you trust me with your stories as well?
Where do you need to see on this earth
before you draw your last breath?
What moves you? Inspires you?
Fills you with this passion I see overflowing
oozing out of every pore.
Hey baby, want to mix and mingle our passions?

I wonder, where would we live?
I dream of spending half the year
here in the embrace of my tribe
half the year exploring all of the ins and outs of humanity
of generosity, geology, geography, of anthropology....
will that move you too?
Perhaps I have read too many books
but I picture a houseboat docked on the Mediterranean sea...
or in the long Island sound
or crossing the expanse of the Atlantic...
I don't know how to sail. Do you?
Will my vision combine with yours
into something even more magical?
have you read even more books than I?
Or will you help me ground these fantasies
into something more stable and sturdy?
I am strong but scattered at times
I have compassion, courage,
and faith enough to spare
but sometimes lack the drive
to follow through.
I fly like a honeybee from flower to flower
drinking in life's nectar.
Grand visions from spreading my
bluebird wings and soaring so high...
Bouncing from thought to thought
like a brightly colored rubber ball
from a vending machine.
Will you stand by and catch me from time to time?
Help my feet find the floor?

I'll find myself lost in thought gazing at you quietly sometimes
while you read a novel,
sit engrossed in your creative expressions...
or perhaps lost in your own thoughts...
I will be thinking that life is even more miraculous
than the plots of those predictable fairy tales...
I'll watch over you some nights when you sleep
face softened by dreams
almost angelic in this moment
your peaceful breath flowing in and out
filling me with gratitude that you are here in this world
and of all that world,
you have chosen to be here with me... Just as I have chosen you.
these quiet moments with you
contrasting with so many colorful ones.

Can we clown our way into the hearts of so many along our path?
Bring laughter and healing with us anywhere we go?
merrymaking in each others hearts every day?
Will you sing silly songs and dance with me always?
Stumbling over each other
spinning, whirling
rocking into your arms
gracefully chaotic
face to goofy face
can we embrace our inner fools
wear them on our polka dotted sleeves?
Let us make ape noises
and fart jokes
Play hide and go seek
like we are five
blow raspberries on each other's cheeks
play bongos on each other's bellies,
Make the sacred bond of the pinkie promise
and never ever break them!
Can we eat so many life-giving vegetables
and refreshing, invigorating fruits
and pure, health sustaining foods
And I know that pigs are magnificent, intelligent creatures
and I know that our vegan friends
might crucify us and definitely would not approve
but every now and then, please
can we make bacon at 3 AM?

Will you walk with me while I keep
fumbling lovingly through this journey
of parenthood I have already embarked on?
You may join me when that time is right...
Until then I will stand back sometimes
and watch the two of you,
my son and you, buddies...
goofing around, playing,
building things,
or learning about life.
Jumping on our trampoline,
hiking through the trees,
or riding bikes together.
I will watch you both
and I will smile that beautiful smile you love
knowing that your presence in our life
that your example of how to be an amazing man
that what you are teaching my son
simply by sharing yourself with us
is one of your greatest gifts to me.
If you are willing, my dear one, to be a daddy
I would want to make
so many more babies with you...
or maybe just one...
but if that is a mutual dream
you should find me quick,
my heart will wait for you indefinitely,
my womb will not.
Either way, I want to grow with you.
One radiant breath at a time
to grow old beside you.
I want your lips to be the last ones on earth that I need.
because finally...
Finally,
I know that I am ready for you, my beloved...
Are you ready for me?