Crying myself awake...

Paralyzed by possibilities...
Petrified by probabilities
Chaos swirls around me
And I sit
On my thriftstore velvet throne
Watching
Breathing
Just keep breathing
It swirls around me like a storm
Terrifying and wondrous
I struggle to find my center
The eye of the storm
The calm place where the swirling
Leaves off
And I am left with only me
Serene
Waiting
For an answer
For what comes next
For the rug to find it's way under my feet once more
For any sense of certainty
In what has suddenly become a tipsy turvy world
Woke myself up today
With a wish and a prayer
Tears for myself
For the other half,
other whole
I do not know
These are the moments
When this burden is so very heavy
The choices too numerous
And all I want
Is a voice that cares
That carries me
Just for a moment
So that just once
I don't have to take all the weight on
Make these choices myself
So hard to shift gears...
And shift this load while it is still so heavy on my shoulders
Just keep breathing
Just keep breathing
Keep finding that center...
Where is my balance..
Trying to find the eye
But all I feel is this rock wedged in my throat.




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