That I'm sorry... And I'm sorry..... And. I. Am. So. Very. Sorry. I keep trying to find the right words... And. I suppose any would have been better than none. But there were so many to choose from and yet they all sounded so very lame when I spoke them out loud... In my own head. And the thought of trying to put them on paper was more courage than I could summon... And the longer time goes on the harder it gets.... And the truth of it is simply: that I am a Coward. And that I had my reasons... But maybe it simply is that whenever things get heavy... I tuck tail and run... The world is a complicated place... Energy... Primary... Secondary... Gender... Offspring... Marriages and divorces... What it means to be supportive... And it's all so much more than I can wrap my Head and Heart around sometimes... Hurtfulness was NEVER my intent... Especially to one I know was already in a world of pain... I know what it is to be the wholehearted... Only to discover those arms belonged to a halfhearted.... And I can never say how sorry I am to have made you such... I wish only beauty for you.... And I hope truly always and forever that the next pair of arms you find yourself within are just as eager to hold onto you for a good long while as yours are of them.... You are a beautiful soul and don't ever doubt it my dear one....
Love...
Kalee
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observations, thoughts, poems, and perspectives... from within my fishbowl and without...
Feeeling like I blew the beginning of a great friendship and honestly, Im still in a mindset of chaotic grief and heartache from the shifting of energy in my life.....
ReplyDeleteDont know quite what to say about any of this right now.